remind me

So it has been a while since my last post - life has been incredibly busy lately. I have missed this as it is my favorite/only outlet for all of the thoughts that are often jumbled up inside my head. I hate pulling the busyness card because it will inevitably sound like the worst excuse known to man, but it is the truth.  I have no other reason, no other excuse to offer other than busyness.  It is during these times when I forget things and must be reminded of those ideas that are of vital importance to my life.

1.  I have to remember who God is and just how big He is.  In the busyness, I get caught up in my own petty problems and forget that He is Almighty God.  I like the idea that He wants to be my friend, but I love that He is my fortress, my strong tower, and the place from which I gain strength.  You know that I LOVE Nehemiah, and I often go there when I am discouraged or grumpy from being discouraged.  So I thought I would share Nehemiah 4:14-16 with you again.

"When I saw their fear, I rose and spoke to the nobles, the officials, and the rest of the people: 'Do not be afraid of them(those people who were trying to discourage them from building the wall); remember the Lord who is great and awesome and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses.'"

2.  This verse also reminds me of who I am - not some weak, little pipsqueak!  I, we are called to be warriors - to fight.  The war belongs to God, but we are certainly soldiers in the battles.  I have two verses for you on this one.  Galatians 4:6 says that,

"Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, 'Abba! Father!'"

And 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us about this Spirit.  

"For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power, and love, and discipline."

I don't know about you, but I just love the idea that God sends His Spirit into our hearts.  Through Christ, we have access to God and His abundance - grace, mercy, comfort, strength, power, the list could go on forever.  There are days, and today is one of those when I have to pray, as Nehemiah did, "O God, strengthen my hands."

3.  Nehemiah 4 also reminds me why - why I get up every day and go to work, why I work with children.  We are fighting those battles for them, for those people God has entrusted to us.  I fight for the 20+ darlings that climb the stairs to Extended Care every day.  I fight for the 100+ boys and girls that darken the doors of the CrossPointe Kids building.  I fight for the ladies that work with me every day, and most importantly I fight for George, Joyce, Candace, Brittany, Jonathan, Madison, Wyatt, Daisy Claire, Papaw, David, Brittany, Aunt Debbie, Ben, Mallorie, the boys, and many other family members.

Maybe you are like me and need someone to say, "Remind me, who do you fight for?"

stop and smell the coffee!

Well hello friends!  I hope you don't mind, I kind of like addressing this post as if we are all old friends simply picking up where we last left off.  The Christmas season is upon us, and I am so very excited!  It's my favorite time of year, and bonus - it actually has felt like winter here in South MS for more than a few hours straight this year.  Most of the time we have this slightly bipolar weather pattern that can fluctuate between summer and freezing in the same day five minutes!

So this particular season has been extremely hectic and so very busy for us - at this moment I am quite frustrated at this fact.  I am very careful in what I commit to because I like to give 100% to very few things rather than 25% to several things.  I am not sure if that makes sense to anyone but my me and my parents because they are the ones who taught that to me.  I would really like to scream right now, but I can't because I have to work!  So after work and after small group and after I buy coffee creamer, if you see me screaming outside my apartment don't be alarmed.  I will be okay after I scream!

I feel like the first two paragraphs are completely at opposite ends of the spectrum, and that is exactly what is the problem.  I love this time of year - it is the perfect time to stop, smell the coffee(with your creamer), and enjoy the days, but its like I don't have time to go to the bathroom much less smell the coffee before I attach the I.V. filled with it to my arm!

Okay, I know that was a tish dramatic but you get the point.  I am tired of being busy, and I really feel like that's not God's best for us.  He created rest for a reason, and I truly believe that busyness can be a tactic of the Devil.  Busyness is usually a bunch of less important things meant to distract you from what is really important and what your ultimate goal is.  For example, this week is supposed to be a fun week for my kids celebrating the birth of Jesus and preparing for Christmas holidays; instead, I am exhausted from busyness, my nerves are frayed, and I am frustrated.

So I go back to a couple of my favorite verses that get me through life.

"Cease striving, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, and I will be exalted in the Earth." - Psalm 46:10 

  When I saw their fear, I rose and spoke to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people: “Do not be afraid of them; remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your houses.” - Nehemiah 4:14

The entire Psalm 46 is an "I got this" psalm for me, and Nehemiah is just wonderful!  

Okay, now I feel better.  I do apologize that you readers have to see the inner workings of my catharsis, but this blog does help me process things and deal.  So I hope you have an outlet for your frustrations, and I pray that we all can stop and enjoy the season!

real marriage

My apologies for the silence as of late - I have no profound rhyme or reason concerning it.  I simply didn't know what I wanted to write - sometimes I get like that.  Caught up in my own thoughts.  Well I have figured out something I need to say.

Candace and I attended Mark Driscoll's Real Marriage Tour Simulcast at our church Friday night - why you may ask.  Well while neither of us is married at the moment, we do hope to get married in the future, and I like to be overly prepared for everything.  It takes me 3 months of research before I decide on a computer, and it is probably a good thing that the contract for our cell phones is 2 years because it takes me that long to choose a different one.  So you can see my dilemma.  I digress, the messages Friday night were great; I really learned a great deal about what a Godly marriage looks like.  We missed the Saturday sessions which were to include one for singles; therefore, because I had to know what he would say to someone in my position, I found a similar sermon on YouTube by Mark Driscoll.  I am posting it here, and I strongly encourage all of you to watch the video, google Mark Driscoll and watch more videos.  He is a very intelligent man of God.  I will tell you that he is blunt - so be prepared.  

I must also tell you that God has been working on my heart and attitude - there are a few things that I must release to Him and some things He is ripping out to replace with new.  I pray He never stops working on me - even if it is quite painful for a season.  Trusting that someone other than me has what's best for me in mind is sometimes difficult for me.  That's just a long way of saying that I am a control freak but a control freak learning every day to let go. 

So...  See ya! Watch the video!  Have a good week!

bouncy balls and movement

So, life is a bit crazy as all of you who work in the school system know, May is like school and children on speed.  I promise I think my 3 and 4 year olds have turned into bouncy balls - at any point in time, you can almost literally see them bounce from one side of my room to the other!  And for some unknown reason, we decide to cram as many activities and "fun days" into this one month - the final 2 1/2 weeks of school!  Okay, sorry for that little step on the soapbox - I must have you know that I really do love my job, and I really do have the sweetest bunch of bouncy balls ever!  

I am slacking in the inspiration photo self-challenge today so I will have to worry about that tomorrow!  (Wow, I sound just a tish like Scarlett O'Hara!) I do want to share some of the things that are going on in my life right now!

God is doing some awesome things right now - I am a little scared to mention it in the fear that acknowledging that this is something I have truly hoped for will make it go away, but... Here it goes...

My heart beats history - I know if you have read any of the past posts, you know that already, but I have truly learned in the past year that it is for a much bigger purpose.  I always thought I was the weird girl, and now I know that I am the weird girl.  But, I am very much okay with that.  God created me this way - to love history or just any good story really, to love finding - digging, researching, studying to find that story, and then to share it with the world or at least my little part of it!  I never really considered that this gift would be useful for the church, but I was beyond wrong about that.  The same love to find a story has translated into a love for the Scripture and  for studying, pouring over it.  If I could tell you all that He is teaching me, it would take much longer than a few paragraphs in a blog post.  I have been challenged, inspired, loved, chastised, pursued.  I am more than amazed and so very humbled... And I had to move, to act, to do something, to be - well to be available, pliable, useful.

So after talking with our pastor and a sweet friend, I have found two possible areas that this newly found passion may be used.  First, beginning this Wednesday May 9th I will be leading a ladies small group in my home.  I am slightly nervous about this, but I pray that God will use me and that He will meet with us.  Second, I am.. hoping to share this love and gift with a few more people in our community.  I am asking that you will pray that there is a need and open door for this potential development.  More details will be shared at a later date, but just know if that door is open it is completely His moving.  

I just want my story to be used to tell HIS STORY - to bring an accurate estimate or opinion of His Story and His character!!!  Oh, I so pray it does - 

Much Love,

Colie

move

So you are getting two for the price of one with this one!  I am sharing with you something that I love and inspires me and a few things that I have learned during my time in this space!

Photo:  CrossPointe Community Church Facebook Page

So this is a picture of Sunday Am worship at my church - CrossPointe Community Church in Laurel, MS.  It's amazing!  It really is a family, and our pastor brings messages of truth to the context of our lives.  If you are local, and don't have a church please come check us out!  

Now for a few things I have learned while attending CPCC - most of the lessons I have ever learned have come from this place so I will limit it to just this week!

1.  Worldly peace is the absence of conflict.  Godly peace is the quiet control of the soul regardless of circumstances!  Now, stop and reread that!  With God, you do not have to be conflict free because let's face the fact that we rarely are.  Instead the peace He offers is one that exists even in the midst of the worse of our circumstances!  Can we get up and run around about that?  I did!

2.  Move - Get up, GO!  Do whatever it is God is stirring in your heart to do!  Most often I tend to run from these things, but moving is an act of obedience!  So I stopped running, and am moving towards God!

3.  Have confidence in the person God created you to be and the movement He inspires in you!!!  He loves you and has given you the gifts and talents you have - use them confidently for Him!!!  Nobody else can be the person He created you to be!

Okay so that was quick and painless!  I pray you move and that you find peace!  Have a blessed week!

Much Love,

Colie

money and me

"No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth."

Matthew 6:24 NASB

I can tell you that I have read this verse many times, and I have heard many messages from different pastors involving this passage.  However, like so many other things in my life, I never REALLY understood its meaning until I experienced it.  Everything in this world, tells us hold on to our money with all our might especially now that times are hard, but everything I have come across dealing with authentic Christ-following behavior commands giving - tithing, offering, etc.  Tithing is considered  a part of one's worship of God, and a part that I must admit was a struggle for me.  I have this mentality that I hate to run out of something - we have went through some difficult times where we didn't know if/when/how we would get to replace something if it ran out.  

So I suppose giving away money when I know it will be another month before we get another paycheck is difficult for me, but I have been SO VERY convicted of this lately.  It's part of this entire being-a-better-steward thing that I have been trying to do this year.  I have been praying, studying the Word, keeping a prayer journal all in the goal of aligning my life and my heart with God's heart and Word.  Through this has come this extreme dislike for money and the idea of being tied to money.  The more I  love God and the more I know about Him, the more I dislike money.  I felt like I was almost defining myself by the money I had or letting money dictate my life.  To be quite honest, I hated the idea that I allowed money to have that much power over me.  Malachi 3 was the punch in the gut that confirmed what I knew - I needed to tithe.

8“Will a man rob God? Yet you are robbing Me! But you say, ‘How have we robbed You?’ In tithes and offerings. 9“You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing Me, the whole nation of you! 10“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this,” says the LORDof hosts, “if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows. 11“Then I will rebuke the devourer for you, so that it will not destroy the fruits of the ground; nor will your vine in the field cast its grapes,” says the LORD of hosts. 12“All the nations will call you blessed, for you shall be a delightful land,” says the LORD of hosts."

So Candace (my sister/best friend/accountability partner) and I just decided that we didn't care what the numbers said or our fears of not having enough money for the month - we stepped out on faith and gave.  And I can't tell you all the blessings we have received in just the short time since we did.  I believe the main thing for me though was feeling like I had let go of something that God had been commanding me to put down - it was a break-through for me.  To know that even though I make mistakes and even though I fail every day, I am moving in the right direction makes all the difference in the world.  It felt wonderful to trust God to be my Jehovah-Jireh - my provider!  

He is true to His Word and is my Provider!  I am in awe of His love and His grace when I think of how He has blessed us.  I pray that you know God and that you trust Him to be your Provider.  I don't know what He may be asking you to trust Him in, but I pray that you do.  I just can't find sufficient words to describe how amazing God is and has been and continues to be to my family.

Much Love,

Colie

greatness

"When better is possible, good enough is unacceptable."

- Dr. Mark Taylor, Jones County Junior College

Dr. Taylor was the choir director for JCJC when I was in school there, and this quote was ingrained into our brains.  I am pretty sure it was even on our choir t-shirts.  As a 19 year-old kid sitting in a choir room with 70 plus other 19 year old kids, this statement pretty much rocked my world as much of my life I had just been good enough!  I was reminded of this saying this past Sunday during church - our pastor has been going through Judges on a mission to show us what not to do through seeing the cycle of disobedience.  I know you are thinking, Judges? Really?  But honestly, it has been a very insightful and life-changing series.  I think sometimes seeing others mistakes and cycles of bad decisions can help us recognize our own cycles and bad decisions.  So this Sunday we looked at the life of Samson, and one of the things that Samson was guilty of, that led to his demise was replacing something great for something good.  Samson was a Judge - a man chosen by God to deliver the people of Israel, and he threw it all away.

I know that I have been quite guilty of this especially recently.  I have been praying for God to lead me and guide me - to make my paths straight as to which direction my life should go.  Through Bible study and reading and searching, I felt God stirring my heart down a particular path.  Instead, I became greedy and hard-headed which just lead to disappointment and discouragement.  Oh how often I fail Him, how often I choose not to use this life to bring glory to Him.  It breaks my heart, because through all of my struggles and all of our trials I want this life to bring glory to God.  Sunday I was confronted with these failures and sins, and it is with a heavy heart and spirit that I beg forgiveness.  God gifted me with very specific talents and abilities, and I must take those to Him and allow Him to use them first.  I also must submit to His calling and plan instead of trying to make it my plan and my calling.

You may be wondering why in the world I would share this with all of you, but to be honest I am not exactly sure.  I feel like once it has been typed and published, it could serve as some accountability to stay on this path He has made straight.  It is so much like me to finally get what I had prayed and pleaded for and to dismiss it!!!  

"True Greatness is using your talents and abilities to bring glory to God (my paraphrase)."

- John Stockstill, CrossPointe Community Church

So perhaps I put these two statements together to make sense of these ramblings.  Better is possible, greatness is possible when I do not replace bringing glory to God with attempting to bring glory to myself.  I want so much to leave a mark on this world - I want people to look at my life and see that it was totally and completely dependent on God and that it was used to give a correct estimate of God!  

May your life be great!

Much Love,

Colie

remember

Remember - that word carries with it innumerable connotations.  Memories flood your conscious from any and every direction.  Memories of good days and bad.  Lots of firsts and probably just as many lasts.

Life has been...well, life lately. Busy.  Stress inducing.  Joyful.  Sad.  All of those wonderful and horrific emotions and experiences rolled into one slightly crazy but wonderful life.  I get caught up in the horrific sometimes, and it is difficult to bring to mind the wonderful.  I don't know if anyone else out there gets that - but there it is.  Recently though, there has been this still small voice just saying "remember."

Remember...

• The Lord is great and awesome (Nehemiah 4:14)
• It is okay to pray for physical strength - Nehemiah prayed, "Lord, strengthen my hands."
• It is a fight - we struggle everyday against powers of darkness (Ephesians 6) and within ourselves
• Finally, what you are fighting for.  Nehemiah 4:14 says to fight for your families and homes.  

Remember...

I often need to be reminded that it is not about me and those things that make up what life is about is worth fighting for.  And every day I have the choice to stand and fight or sit and do nothing.  I let life get in the way - I get busy and that leads to exhaustion.  I get tired.  Then I remember that Nehemiah 4:14 is Nehemiah's rallying cry for the people of Israel who were rebuilding the wall and who were tired!  

Then I remember that what I am to be fighting gets very personal and come with names - My parents, my sisters, Jonathan (bro-in-law), Madison, Wyatt, Daisy Claire, Papaw, the ladies I work with, the children that I have been entrusted with at work.  That is when I must push aside the exhaustion, pray for God to strengthen my hands, and I must fight.  I must fight remembering though that it is not a war waged alone - it is God who gives the self-control, the strength, and grace to keep going even when life is... life.

So, today and all the rest of your tomorrows remember...

V-Day

Usually these things consist of something that has been on my mind or something that I have learned  that seems utterly profound to me; however, today this post is about that holiday coming up.  Which holiday, you ask?  That's right - Valentine's Day.  I have been known to call it "Single's Awareness Day," but I have realized a couple of things that I thought I would share with you.

1.  I am a hopeless romantic, and as such I love the idea of setting aside a day to celebrate the people you love.  Many people consider it just a stupid, cheesy day invented for florists and greeting card companies, but there is some actual history to Valentine's Day which *gasp* I won't go into.  I like to think of it as more of a bookmark for anyone to take a breath and reflect on your own personal history.  Whether that includes a spouse or not, I believe it to be of vital importance to recognize the love in your own life.  I am not married, but I do have wonderfully loving parents, an adorable niece and nephew who show so much love, two of the best sisters anyone could ask for, much more family  that I love dearly, and a legacy of love from my Grandparents. Also, I have wonderful friends and my children at work are so precious to me.  All of this does not even compare to the love of Christ which I feel is continuously poured out on me - I am truly blessed to be surrounded by so much love.

2.  Lately I have been truly convicted about my conduct and behavior.  Am I kind with my words?  Do I show love to both the people I love and strangers?  I think so many times it is easier to show love to strangers than to those that are closest to you.  How messed up is that?  Do I show love to my children at school?  Some of these precious little ones see me more than their own parents, and how many times do I have a bad attitude or become frustrated with them?  The past few weeks, I have really tried to take a step back, to evaluate, to think, and to be more kind with the words that come out of my mouth and to show more love to the people I love the most and to my children at work.  I am reminded of the verse in John 13:35 -

"By this all men will know that you are My disciples - that you love one another."

3.  Okay so maybe it is more than a couple.  Anyways, my attitude and showing love is all part of this conviction to love on purpose.  This may not make sense to anyone but me, but so often I feel like I am on autopilot.  I sleep, eat, work - that's it.  I wake up a week later, and wonder what I did the past week.  I feel so shameful that I did not live that week, day, moment for what they are - precious gifts from God.  I want my life to matter, to serve a purpose; therefore, I must live it on purpose.  I don't want to take anything for granted, and I want the decisions I make and the things I do to serve a greater purpose.  

So this Valentine's Day, I challenge you to look at your life and the chronicle of love in your life.  I also hope that these words are of encouragement on your own personal journey.

Have a great week on purpose!

Much Love, 

Colie

catch my breath

Whew! I feel like I have been running these past couple of weeks at a frantic pace and nothing I need to do is getting done.  However, I am trying to take small breaks where I can and just breathe - it's difficult as I am sure most of you know.  After Christmas, it seems like the second semester starts with all gears going and doesn't stop until you wake up and realize it's time to buy the Thanksgiving Turkey again.  Okay, I digress.  I have been remiss not to share with you some of the things I have been learning lately!

A sweet friend/fellow nerd - Shelly Reid and I have been doing a Bible Study on Ezra, Nehemiah, and Esther.  Just let me tell you, it has rocked my world.  As you all know by now, the nerdy things in life and in the Bible just really excite me because sometimes it feels like God has kinda thrown in all these things just for me to try to figure out.  I know that's completely off and self-centered; however, it is nice to learn through all this study that He created me this way and understands how my head works.  Okay back to the point - the things I have learned.  There are so many, and I know I will leave some out but here it goes.

1. God stirs the heart of those He chooses to use to accomplish His goals and plans.  AND as I have found out  that person may not even know that God is the one doing that!  Don't believe me, go check out what Isaiah says about Cyrus! Blew my mind!  Don't miss this - HE STIRS YOUR HEART!  Those things that you just feel like you must do or burst could possibly be God stirring your heart!  Isn't that amazing?  

2.  When, not if, you do these things that God is stirring your heart to do you must know a few things - pray.  The past few weeks we have been in Nehemiah and throughout Nehemiah you find his prayers scattered through.  And it's not grand, lengthy prayers - it's short, one sentence like a breath out of his heart.  Also this is a big one - the enemy will try to stop you!  The enemy may take several forms but it's always the same tactics so know them and know  the Truth!  It will save you quite a bit of heartache!

3.  Oh I can't forget - Nehemiah's stirring is to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.  Guess what, we all have walls we need to return to, to rebuild, and to restore (I borrowed that from Shelly).  Your wall effects everything - it's your faith, your prayers, knowing the Truth, everything! If that wall is not in tact then those tactics of the enemy will penetrate and possible cause some destruction.

4.  God has been stirring my heart to do something quite outside my comfort zone and big!  It's in the works as I type and you read, but I can't tell you much right now!  Hopefully I will be sharing more about this in the future!  I would appreciate your prayers!

5.  Finally, my life has been so very blessed doing this one-on-one Bible study.  I encourage you to find someone perhaps older (physically or spiritually or both) to do Bible Study with.  It's amazing how encouraging it is, AND in Titus 2 we are actually commanded to always be learning so that we may be able to teach those who are younger!

So as always I pray this encouraged you and thank you for allowing me to take a breath to organize my thoughts a little bit!  Have a wonderful day!

tis the season

So I just noticed that it has been A LONG TIME since I last posted - a fact for which I apologize; however, this time of the year gets so incredibly busy for us.  It seems that the two weeks we get off for Christmas (working for a school system has its perks!) is busier than the school year.  Perhaps that is because Candace and I put off things such as errands or lunch dates with friends until we are out of school and end up needing a vacation for the vacation!  Okay so off the soap box for now... sorry sometimes I get a little caught up.

I am particularly excited about my family receiving the gifts we bought for them this year - I love to give presents.  This year we tapped into our crafty kathy sides as well as our love for all things vintage for inspiration for our gifts.  I will post more after Christmas as some of my family might actually read this, but I want to tell you about the gift we got for Poppy(what Madi calls our Dad!) as he doesn't have facebook.  We found this piece that we bought just because it looked interesting, and after some research found out that it is a valet stand similar to the one below but with a lighter wood finish.

He has this love for all things vintage as well, and I think/hope he will love it.  Isn't it fabulous?  I adore it.  It wasn't terribly expensive, but its something he will appreciate and use.  We try to give really meaningful and thoughtful gifts - something that makes us think of the person who is to receive the gift.  

Speaking of giving, our church is doing a series now called "Radical Generosity," and it has seriously challenged me to be more giving.  I know my first instinct and yours as well is to think of money, but its also other things - time, love, yourself.  I have personally been challenged to my very core and have made a commitment to begin this journey towards being more giving in every aspect of my life.  Every journey begins with simple steps, and mine has begun like this -

1.  Money - to be faithful with my tithes and a better steward of the monetary gifts entrusted to me because sometimes money is a vessel of grace of God for people.  Hold on before you think I am crazy - money is grace when you are out of work and need diapers and groceries, money is grace when people are starving half a world a way, and money is grace when you have no electricity and no money to pay the light bill, and on and on.  The grace of God often has very practical hands and feet.

2.  Love - to be more loving in general but specifically with my children at work.  It breaks my heart to think that I may be the only one who shows them love during the day. 

3. My Story - you can read all about the struggles and successes of my story in this blog, but I want to use my story to show people Christ - I am not sure exactly what that looks like in the day to day, other than this blog.

4.  Life - This story I have been given is not over, and I really want it to be a great story so I want each day to be with purpose and meaningful.  I am a firm believer that everything that happens to you is a tool  that you can use in your personal ministry/story.  The struggles I have been through were not pleasant at the moment, but I have been so incredibly blessed to be able share the lessons I have learned through them.  I want my life to be a blessing to others.

Now the LORD said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.

(Genesis 12:1-2 ESV)

sanctuary

So the idea of "seeking sanctuary" is one that has fascinated me for many years (I am a nerd, moving on)!  If you are not familiar with this idea, allow me to explain a bit.  "Seeking sanctuary" is the idea of those who are oppressed or persecuted because of political or religious beliefs seeking asylum or sanctuary in a church or a country offering asylum.  Some countries, including our own, still offer asylum or a safe place for those who are refugees, but seeking sanctuary was most prominent in Medieval Europe.  Many churches had a "sanctuary ring" on the doors to be allowed into the church.  I am not exactly sure why this has fascinated me for so long, but I have always felt safe at church and liked the idea of seeking refuge in a safe place.  Now I love old churches - they are just so comforting.  In fact I kind of picture God as an old church sometimes - one that has been in the community for centuries, where the pastor knows your name and entire family history, where the interior is that incredible mix of comfort and awe, and where the hushed sound of a whisper is life-changing.

This morning our pastor talked about anxiety and how to biblically deal with anxiety!  Sometimes I think he must know what I am thinking or what I am dealing with because it hits so close to home.  But I know that is the Holy Spirit speaking through him and God knows me inside out. You should really check out the sermons - they are amazing and you can watch them here.  Anyways, he talked about Paul's exhortation and instructions to the church at Philippi in Philippians 4,  and it rocked my world.  

         ⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. ⁵Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; ⁶ do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 ⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. ⁹What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. 

 Rejoice in the Lord always is not something that has come easily to me in the past.  To be really honest I kind of skipped over this part of Philippians 4 because it seemed so cliché and insincere to me because I never thought it was possible to really rejoice in the Lord always.  First of all my idea of rejoice (be happy) is completely wrong, and also my idea of God and His character was little.  A few years ago, I found myself without a teaching job and without anything else to tell me who I was.  I was lost.  I was disappointed with God and my faith.  I thought I had done something wrong in the formula of me + follow rules = God adhering to my plan and needed to start over.  I had no idea where to go next.  But in the midst of my pain and grief there came a quiet voice saying “be still.”  So I began to listen and out of the stillness came love and grace.  The God of the Universe was pursuing me and wanted me to know Him and His character.  He wanted to be my everything.  So I began with getting to know Him – Kay Arthur’s study of God’s names will rock your world – I am proof.  And through knowing God, I learned how to worship God where I am, to align my plan with His, and to find joy in His presence even when things are not going my way.

This idea of finding sanctuary in a church – the church would be a refuge, a safe place for those who were oppressed.   I feel like I have found that idea of sanctuary in truth, a firm foundation in knowing more about God’s character.  My sanctuary is God – He is my safe place and my refuge!           

burdens

Friday night, I was checking Facebook on my phone as I do most every night before I go to sleep, but Friday night was a little different.  First, I see so many of the youth from our church asking for prayer for a brother and sister who were involved in a horrific car accident.  I realized that I did not know the siblings, but my heart still broke for the family and for my kids in the youth that were facing the possible loss of a classmate.  My mind immediately took me to the day of my junior year in high school... come to think of it, it was the first week of October 2000 when one of my classmates passed in a car accident.  I remember being slightly lost and overwhelmed at the loss of someone I saw every day and had spoken to earlier in the day.  For as long as I can remember, sadness and loss touch me to my very core.

It is in times like these, that I want to question God's plan.  I know that He is good and that His goodness does not change due to my or anyone else's circumstances; however, at the same time I don't understand where tragic accidents, parents burying children, and children growing up without parents fit into that.  I really hate the idea of death taking people we love from us, and the injustice is increased as I know that death is not a villain I can defeat.  And in the midst of tragic loss, knowing that you will see them again if both of you are believers is not nearly the comfort it will be when your head stops hurting from crying and your senses return to you.  At the same time, know that there will be a time when your head stops hurting and your senses return to you.  It does get better.  God is good, and He is in control.

I do not personally know the McGill family, but I do know loss and I know God.  I have such a burden for the family and friends of this precious family, and they are in my prayers.  I pray ultimately for a miracle for Angelica and strength, comfort, and peace for her family and friends!

Elizabeth Elliot and "I Got This"

Okay so this week has been insanely busy and crazy and hectic and it's only Tuesday, and I didn't get to do an accessories' Monday post.  I promise to make it up to you - well the two of you who read this!

I did want to share what I have learned lately!  First a little backstory - Candace and I went to a Bible Study that one of the ladies in our church does once a month.  This is serious stuff - homework and everything!  I must be honest - the nerd that I am was a little excited about the homework.  I like researching and getting into things on my own.  I have a theory that you truly can't "own" something until you have wrestled with it and gotten your hands dirty.  By owning something I just mean taking a little piece of information and studying it and forming your own opinions and your own response to this information.  So everyone was given a few words/phrases to look up and wrestle with, and then each of us were given a different Christian woman to "google."  I must admit that google is my obsession - you can find everything there!

So one of our phrases/ideas to study was the Sovereignty of God.  Now I am a nerd, but I will never understand completely every idea in the Bible.  However, that does not mean I am going to sit idly by and say it is too difficult.  Shelly gave us a list of verses that deal with what God is Sovereign over.  **This is a little free tidbit, sovereign means that God is "Most High" - most high over what you might ask.  Well... maybe you should google or ask Shelly for her favorite handouts!** Anyway one of the verses was Luke 12:6-7 which tells us that God holds that sparrows in flight and knows the number of hairs on our heads therefore we are not to fear because we are more valuable than sparrows.  (Love this) I like to call this little nugget and the idea of God's Sovereignty the "I GOT THIS" idea because I kind of feel like this is one of those messages that He knows I need sometimes.  I like plans, and I like to know the plans, and sometimes most of the time I like to make the plans especially if the plans pertain to me and my life.  So yeah that whole idea of surrender - I struggle with it. Front Street.  So I kind of have this scene in my head where I approach this male person with my plans as to how my life should go - to which He turns His head and tells me, "I got this!"  Every book I read plays out like a movie in my head so naturally this happens when I read the Bible, but when I read certain parts of the Bible I kind of take it into my life and language like a conversation between me and God.  It helps - try it.

The Christian lady I was assigned to google and get to know was Elizabeth Elliot - knew her story but not much else!  So I googled her and what pops up but a list of quotes - one of my favorite things!  And she obviously understood the "I got this" idea a little much better than me and was able to apply it practically to her life as her life is fascinating and tragic yet hopeful and joyful.  I thought I would leave you with a couple of her quotes ( I must say she is pretty high on my list right now)

"The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of christian, but the fact that I am a Christian makes me a different kind of woman."

"If my life is surrendered to God, all is well.  Let me not grab it back, as though it were in peril but would be safer in mine." --"I Got This!"

discoveries

Tonight we had a great night at church with the youth.  Chad spoke just as he does every wednesday night - its really good so you should definitely come.  But that's really not the point because tonight Chad brought up something that completely astounded me.  We were talking about Jesus walking on water and Peter leaving the boat, walking on water, and "seeing the wind" at which time Peter began to sink.  I had never really thought about the fact that Jesus helped Peter up, and the two of them walked back to the boat side by side. (Thanks Chad)  Sometimes... okay most of the time, I get caught up in the constant reminder of just how imperfect I am.  I hate to fail, and yet failing is the one thing I never have to worry about being consistent at.  I do find hope in the fact that Peter, one of Jesus' disciples failed quite a bit in Scripture and still wrote part of what we consider Scripture and is still a major figure in Christian history.  Based on Peter's many examples, we can fail and get past it. Hello, rocking my little world right now.

The big deal to me was the getting back up and continuing side by side with Jesus.  Two reasons this rocked my world -
1. I tend to try to do everything without asking for help which is most often when I fail.  I have learned recently from experience that life is so much sweeter when you walk side by side with Jesus.  Accepting that I have fallen, I reach for His hand and ask that He lead me and "make my paths straight."(Psalm 3:5-6)
2. I love a good "phoenix" story - you know getting up after you have fallen and making something of yourself.  I also know that I have been there, there being flat on my face with nowhere to go but to God.  It was there that He met me with arms outstretched offering love and grace instead of hate and "I told you so."  It was also there that He picked me up and made something of me. In Isaiah 62, God calls His church Hepzhibah which means "my delight is in you."  I heard Him tell me that I am His (Is 43) and that He has me inscribed in the palm of His hand.(Is 49)

For most of my life, I heard people saying that God should be and can be your everything, that He loves you, wants you to love Him in return, desires relationship, and longs to woo you to Himself.  I also heard people say that to know Him you must know His character.  Which it sounds almost elementary to me now because "duh" you have to know someone to love them.  I began by simply saying that I wanted Him to be my everything.  I have believed in Jesus for a very long time, but never really understood what all of this really looked in my life.  I then asked Him to reveal Himself to me that I may know Him, and I began a Bible study designed specifically for that.  I wanted to fall in love with Jesus so I began to seek Him.  Can I tell you that I fell more in love everyday.  It was amazing to me that He really did pursue me and love me.  He is our Shepherd, our Lord, our El Shaddai - which is not just a slightly weird song.  El Shaddai literally means "motherly."  Nobody loves you like a mama except God because that is part of His character.  I get so excited when I think about this so I will stop now or I will write an even longer book.  (It's just awesome though!!!)  While we were at youth camp with the girls, I realized that I would rather have this life with Jesus than any amount of money or any job or any amount of security.  You can read more in depth about that discovery here.

All of this to say that how you live - your actions and reactions are choices.  You have the choice to be the victim type that never gets out of the water after sinking or you can reach for His hand, get up, and walk side by side with Him.  Also, you want to walk side by side with Him because He loves you unconditionally forever no matter what AMEN!  That peace that passes all understanding really does pass all understanding and comprehension.  It's difficult to explain - it's just something you know. 

worth fighting for

There are a few things that I really fervently fight for - family, my faith, education, children.  Those are probably the four things that are consistently on my radar.  To be honest, I believe we all should have those things that we are most passionate about and that we fight for.  **Insert little soapbox moment - if you choose to incorporate these things into what you choose to make your career, you will probably be a great deal more happy in life.** Okay soapbox moment over.  One of the things that I have almost stopped fighting for over the past several years is friendships.  It was not something that I meant to do, but as my friends and I (most of whom met in high school/college) grew up and went our separate ways somewhere along the lines we stopped communicating.  This is in no way a judgmental post or trying to make anyone feel guilty, but it is an awakening for me as I realized that I can be a horrible friend.  I am horrible at calling and staying in touch with people.  If I don't see you at church or work or home then chances are I don't see you and I don't talk to you.

The other day, Candace and I were talking about a friend of hers getting married, and she said that she didn't really want to go to the wedding.  She and the friend used to be really close but over the years they grew apart.  I made the statement that it was so sad that people you used to be really close to were no longer around for the special moments in your life.  The statement, though it came out of my own mouth, was kind of like a punch in my gut.  Throughout college, I had this group of friends that were more like family.  We did everything together - ministry, life, love, burning items after lost love, laughing (a lot), tragedy, drama, arguments.  Whatever the situation, we knew it would be okay because we faced it together.  Over the years, we did what every college student goes through - we grew up, some of us got married, some of us haven't yet, all of us went on our own path.  Suddenly, that group of friends that did everything together was doing everything apart.  Now these are not bad things, you need to grow up and have new experiences because if you don't you will become stagnant and that is not pretty!

So I began thinking that I don't want to lose these relationships with the people that I called family not very long ago.  I want these people at the big events in my life.  We  may not talk everyday, but when it comes down to it, I want to know that if they needed me I would be there and visa versa.  To those friends, I am simply saying that I believe those relationships are worth fighting for.  I also must apologize for not coming to this realization before. I want to do better in keeping in contact with all of you and being there for you especially for the big moments but also for the little ones.

Perhaps we should all ask ourselves what do we consider worth fighting for!  And once we know then go to bat for those things with all of our hearts!