please read!

Holy cow, batman!  It has been one incredibly busy summer - incredibly busy but also incredibly rewarding! Today was our first day back at school, and it is crazy to me that we are looking forward to going back to school so things will slow down!  Who says that?  I know, it's crazy!  But more on school and all the craziness later!  I am afraid I have to get a little serious on you, for just a minute!

Not very long ago, our pastor talked about having confidence in God and in who He created you to be, your calling.  I don't think that is something you earn or work towards, I think it is something you have to tap into. I get that sounds somewhat weird, so let me explain what I am thinking.  2 Timothy 1:7 says that "God has not given us a spirit of timidity (fear), but of power and love and discipline."  That power, love, and discipline are not things that we are born with but are things that we are given through Christ being real and present in our lives!  We have to "renew our minds" as it says in Romans 12 in order to keep that line of communication open and to know the importance of that power source!

But please get this friends, power and love and discipline are not things the devil wants you to tap into.  In fact, he will do everything in his finite power to keep you afraid and discouraged.  Powerless in this battle we call life.  Tonight as I was sitting down to catch you up on the past few weeks, my heart has been heavy because life has been hard.  It was then that I realized exactly what I was feeling.  I was discouraged and afraid - have you ever felt like that?  It is probably one of the worst feelings ever!

I think back to our study on Nehemiah, aptly titled Fear and Discouragement, and Nehemiah's prayer for God to simply "strengthen my hands."  So many things were used to break down Nehemiah and the people of Israel, but Nehemiah never ceased praying or tapping into that power that could only come from God.  So tonight I am so thankful for studies done and for words of encouragement that could only come from Scripture.  It seems to help to know who the enemy is, that the war is won, and that we have the armor to fight the battles.

So as for sharing this quite deep topic.  I was once told that once you know the truth, you are held accountable for what you do with it.  I pray with ALL of my heart and soul that these words reach that soul that perhaps has tears of experience in their eyes at this point.  There is hope!  That power is there for the accessing - in His word.  It is, after all, our only piece of offensive armor given in Ephesians 6.  I also hope that once you know the Truth, you will pass it along!

ghosts

Do you believe in ghosts?

Are you haunted by ghosts?

I do and I am.  While the idea of the spirit of someone who has passed really freaks me out, it is the idea of ghosts of my past that are the most frightening.  The ghosts of the person I used to be seems to haunt my reality - I am pretty sure there is more than one ghost.  The ghost of the young girl I was before I became a believer, the ghost of the timid wallflower I was during most of high school, and the ghost of the naive diva I became in college.

I was around four or five, quite young, when I became a believer so that particular ghost is not so much haunting as elusive.  That simple faith of my childhood that God would take care of everything is something I must search for and tap into on a daily basis.

The timid wallflower ghost seems to hit me square in the face anytime I step foot near my high school - yes it is just as bad as it sounds.  Its like I am possessed with the 16 year old version of myself anytime I turn in the parking lot and I try quite hard to blend into the seat of my car.  I was a substitute teacher there a few times when I moved home, and I had to remind myself not to look as scared as I felt because I was no longer that girl.

Most recently I have come face-to-face with the college version of myself, and for a brief moment, I found myself wanting to be that girl again.  Surrounded by great friends and family, successful in school, active in organizations, she was a devout optimist, confident in her abilities, and stubborn to a fault.  College was great, and I treasure those times, but the seconds were fleeting before I realized that this girl was un-tested and lacked depth.  Yes she had not experienced pain and struggles in any real way, but she also had never really experienced the strength of God's hand when you have nothing else to hold onto.

Even though it does make me sad that things have changed and that girl is a ghost, I wouldn't trade the lessons I have learned when all of those things were stripped from my life.  I had placed my friends where only God should be, I relied on my own abilities rather than leaning on God, and during my junior and senior years, I was "too busy" to spend real time in the word.  Little by little, God took away those things so that He could restore my foundation and form me into the person who could withstand the winds and rains of testing and trials.  Now I am not saying that I have "arrived" by any means, but I at least feel that I am on the right road.  Sometimes it just takes a few ghosts to remind us where we have come from!

focus!

"21 You must not turn aside, for then you would go after futile things which can not profit or deliver, because they are futile. 22 For the Lord will not abandon His people on account of His great name, because the Lord has been pleased to make you a people for Himself. 23 Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by ceasing to pray for you; but I will instruct you in the good and right way. 24 Only [i]fear the Lord and serve Him in truth with all your heart; for consider what great things He has done for you. 25 But if you still do wickedly, both you and your king will be swept away.”

I Samuel 12:21-25

Well you guessed it, I am a few weeks into a new study - this particular one begins with the period immediately following the period of Judges and continues through the life of David.  This particular passage is Samuel talking to Israel after they rejected God as their king and demanded a human king like every other nation.  The issue was not simply wanting or needing a king, but rejecting God as their king. You know I used to be quite the judgmental snob towards Israel, but the more I study the Old Testament and the more of this life I live, the more I relate to the people of Israel.  Which is typically the exact moment when I find myself acutely aware of both the grace God gives us each day and the need to submit to His authority in my life.

I think I identify so well with the Israelites because like them, I need these reminders "not to turn aside."  And then because I am that girl - I read scripture and then have this scene in my head.  This time, it's as though I am supposed to be listening to someone but I am distracted instead, and He snaps His fingers in front of my face and says, "focus!" Immediately I snap to attention as though He is the King and I am the lowly peasant.  He continues, "remember the Lord who is great and mighty, and remember what you are to be fighting for" (Nehemiah 4:14) because we must never forget, He is our King and this life is a fight!

It is so very simple to get distracted and to "turn aside."  Most of the time the distractions are not necessarily sinful things in and of themselves.  These activities become sinful when I place them where only God should be.  Still other times, it is not an activity at all, but an attitude towards things.  I begin working and desiring things instead of God - does that make sense?  The verse in Romans 12 that speaks of being transformed by the renewing of our minds means so much more in the light of this - so much of this battle is mental. We need grace everyday, and we need His word like we need physical nourishment - every day, three times a day sometimes.

I am immensely grateful and blessed that He does not abandon His people but gives us these "focus" reminders!  

balance

work and play

family and friends

career and family

God and man

We all have things we balance on a daily basis, and perhaps some are on the list above.  For some of us it seems a little less like an exercise in balance and more like a complicated session of juggling.  We feel as though we must allocate just the right amount of time and energy to the proper persons or activities, but Jesus told Martha in Luke 10 that only one thing is necessary.

 

38 Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word. 40 But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” 41 But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; 42 but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

I am not saying that we are to be lazy or antisocial - notice that Jesus did not chastise Martha for serving.  We have responsibilities and are called to service, but I think sometimes we can get distracted by those that are not serving.  Often we look at the task at hand which at times can be quite daunting, and we begin shifting our eyes to the right and to the left to those who we think could help but aren't.  It is in moments like these that my attitude takes a turn for the foul, and it is all downhill at that point.  Then these verses come to mind - "you are worried about so many things, but only one thing is necessary."  I can hear my Mom and Dad telling me that "you can't worry about what everyone else is doing, you have do what God asks of you."  Another person's actions or inactive state is not the problem - the problem is my attitude which altered when my eyes were not on Jesus and my task.

Mary chose the good part, the one thing that was necessary - sitting at the feet of Jesus listening to His word.  During those times when my attitude needs serious adjustment, I must come back to that necessary part.  Just as we cannot adequately exercise our physical bodies without proper nourishment, we cannot adequately serve our church or our community without sitting at His feet listening to His word.  Sometimes we have to "be still and know that He is God." (Psalm 46:10)  That's a difficult one for me - the being still and knowing that He is God.  In my finite mind I feel as though I have to do everything if it is going to be completed and completed the way and at the time I want it to be.  However, that way of thinking is so very contrary to God and His character which leads to me being stubborn and arguing with God.  I must tell you that never really ends well for me - I just have to choose to let Him have it, to surrender my stubborn heart to Him.  What can I say - work in progress here!  These days I am learning the balance of the following list...

grace and truth

femininity and strength

being still and service

yes and no

food and exercise

thus far...

In 1 Samuel 7, the ark has been returned to the Israelites, the people have repented of their sins, and returned to God.  Upon their return, God defeats their enemy and Samuel places a stone called an Ebenezer as a reminder to the Israelites that "thus far the LORD has helped us."  (1 Sam. 7:12)  I love that it says "thus far" - not that the character of God would change, but it serves as a marker for the people of Israel.  Like the mile marker on the side of the highways, this marker indicates Israel's current position as well as how far they have come.  I think we all need these markers, moments or mementos that remind us where we are and where we have come from, as a place of reference to return to when we falter or when things do not seem to be going as we think they should.

The other thing that is so encouraging to me is that Ebenezer does not mean "thus far I have been perfect" or "thus far I have made it on my own."  No, it is "thus far the LORD has helped us."  The people of Israel failed, they stopped serving the God of their fathers, and they worshiped idols - images that they had created.  Stop before you say that they were crazy for bowing down to some statue - an idol can be anything you put where God should be in your life.  I don't know, maybe that doesn't leave the same punched in the gut feeling with you that it gives me.  Maybe you are perfect and have it all together - this is probably the wrong blog for you as I am nowhere near perfection.

I am so easily distracted which leads to just the slightest drift off course; the only problem with a slight drift is that the longer it goes unchecked, the further you are from where you are supposed to be.  The difference for Israel is that they returned and repented.  We all will have times when we miss the mark - it's what you do afterwards that counts.  Return to God with ALL of your heart and remove distractions, idols, anything that you have replaced God with - those are the instructions to Israel, and those are the instructions to all of us.  These are God's instructions to me.  Return.  Repent.  Have your Ebenezer moment.

"Thus far the Lord has helped us."  Ebenezer is not the completion of the journey.  "Thus far" denotes that we have not yet reached our destination.  From the beginning until now, God has been with us and helped us and provided for us - Ebenezer is simply the marker, reminder of the character of God so that we can deny the distractions and give every piece of our hearts to God on a day-to-day and moment-to-moment basis.

Some days, you just need to return and repent and look at the Ebenezer moments in your life.

Echoes

Sometimes it is the echoes of glory from a past triumph 

or the echoes of laughter and tears from good days that went by all to quickly.

While other times, it is the echoes of what might have been  - 

the what-ifs in life that lead to the very cusp of insanity.

Still other times, it  is the echoes of tragedy -

those instances when everything is still so real that it takes your breath away 

even months and years later.

We all have echoes - the left-over bits and pieces of moments from our life that can be haunting.  I think these snippets or echoes are always with us, but most often it is some outside stimulant that forces retrospection.  The smell of new crayons, the feel of a summer breeze, 90's music on the local radio station are just such stimulants for me!  

These moments of nostalgia or regret bring me to one simple conclusion - it is not just what you do that matters but how you do what do that is of equal importance.  I have been reminded lately that this life is much too short and moments much too precious to do anything half-heartedly or to live without integrity.  How you live matters.  What you do with your given amount of time matters.  Do not for one second think that how you live only affects you - there are people out there waiting for you to get off the bench and into the game.  But to get into the game, you first must let go of those echoes - even those that build the ego.  Nothing we undertake will neither change the past nor bring it back.  It is time to make new echoes - to scream at the top of your lungs, to finally join that gym, train for that 5k, go back to school, make new friends, or start a new career.  

Those people waiting for you to get in the game deserve the best you not some stand-in on auto-pilot.  Today - this instant - is all you are given so decide to make the effort now!

changes and a soapbox

Well hello there!  Remember me?  I am Nicole - the semi-silent blogger.  My apologies for that - things have been slightly crazy around the Beaty-girls' household the past few weeks.  A few things I am quite excited about -

• Candace and I joined the gym!!!  We have needed to do this for sometime now, but we just had to get motivated.  So the week of Spring Break, we went to a new local gym that is open 24 hours a day/ 7 days a week!  Also, since the schedule we keep makes evenings difficult - we are working out most days at around 5:30 in the morning!!!  I don't like seeing more than one 5:30 in my day, but oh my word, it is so worth it!  I think I may be slightly addicted to working out... is that possible?
• Candace and I designed and proposed a summer program for children - and it was approved!  More about that to come!
• The school year is almost over... it means things get terribly busy around campus but it also means that a break is coming!!!

So I think that is all on the list at the moment - but I do have a small issue for the soapbox!

Have you seen these?

Source: purehome.com via Hailey on Pinterest

Perhaps I over-think things, but inaccuracy drives me crazy.  Its like English majors throwing temper tantrums because you used the wrong "your/you're" or "there/their/they're."  Please allow me to elaborate on this inaccuracy.  The anchor and the "refuse to sink"  is cool; I mean, I like anchors and refuse to sink is just catchy enough without being too cliche or tacky!  The problem comes when you think of what an anchor is actually used for...  One guess, an anchor has one job, and it is to sink!!!  Anchors are quite large and heavy so that they will sink to the bottom of whatever body of water and keep whatever water craft in one place.  An anchor will not keep you from sinking - it will keep you from drifting! Now if the catchy phrase were to say something like - "my hope is fixed," "refuse to be swayed," "stand firm," etc, then I would not be on my soapbox!  I think my main problem is that people are using this as a tattoo - hello people, it's wrong and permanent!  Like I said I love anchors as tattoos and the message of perseverance is the same but use a different phrase!

Okay soapbox moment over!  I hope you all have a wonderful Monday!

odd life, sunshine, and joshua

Okay I will be completely honest and say that the post every day thing does not work for me!  So for now the posts will be sporadic but will probably encompass one of the five themes I listed here. 

So today, I was thinking of sharing some of my favorite things with you.  Candace and I love movies especially on Sunday afternoon when we are resting before gearing up for another work week.  This Sunday, we found The Odd Life of Timothy Green. 

I must say that I loved it.  I love the idea of giving love and family to a child who does not have either.  When I think of what I want for the future, I think of family - a husband, children who may or may not be of the same ethnic background but are loved.  I feel like I have been so incredibly blessed by the family I have that I must share.

I am not sure if it was the weeks of rain that felt like years or being cooped up because of all the rain, but I had felt a little down the past few weeks.  I just felt bogged down - does that make sense?  And when you feel down, everything can discourage you to the point that all you want to do is curl in the fetal position under a blanket on the couch.  Then there were a couple of events that transpired that helped me out of the bog - it stopped raining, the sun came out, and I began studying Joshua.  So I have two new favorite things - sunshine and the book of Joshua - although I am sure sunshine and I will not be on friendly terms come mid-July and August.  For now, I am happy to see it - I needed it.

Okay, so I hope you all have had a great weekend!  What are some of your favorite things this week?

Weekend Wrap Up + Message Monday

It finally stopped raining... and then it snowed.

Then the sun came out again - I had almost forgot what it looked like.  I did forget to take a pic because I was so busy absorbing as much as possible!

This weekend consisted of working at a basketball game Friday night, and spending some much needed sister time on Saturday.  I know you are thinking, "you live with your sister, why would you need sister time?"  However, Candace, Brit, and I rarely have time to just go shopping together - don't get me wrong, none of us would trade those 3 precious babies for anything in this world.  It's just nice to have some good quality sister time where you burst out laughing at random moments and you communicate completely in movie quotes completely understanding what the other person is referring to.  I realized a few years ago that the three of us have a unique relationship with each other and with our family - not many people can say that they are as close to their families as we are.  A fact which breaks my heart - I pray and hope that all children know as much love growing up as we have known in our lives.  

We didn't take a ton of pics Saturday, but I did manage to snap a pic during lunch of the two crazies - from this pic you would never guess that they are supposed to be grown adults.  

Seeing as today is "message monday," I thought I would share with you a verse from the Bible study I am working on right now!  Yes it is another Kay Arthur study, and yes you still need to look up her studies!  They rock - I promise!  So throughout some of the other studies I have done, I have learned that one struggle that is quite prevalent in the life of believer is one of fear and discouragement.  I know it is so easy to become afraid of living out God's call and to become discouraged in the midst of the task, but I didn't realize that this is something that even those in the Bible dealt with.  For some reason, I think of them as "super-Christians" instead of the normal people God chose to use. Those normal people, like us, needed encouragement, and God says He will provide all our needs.

So...

God is speaking to Joshua in Joshua 1:9 as Joshua is preparing to take over leadership of the Israelites after Moses and to lead them into the promised land - a somewhat daunting task, don't you think?

"Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous!  Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Another translation says "do not be terrified or discouraged."  I love this - it just makes my day!  The sun came out literally and, not to sound cheesy, I felt like this verse was God pouring sunshine into my soul! I pray it brings some sunshine into your life as well!

prayers

Until now, I have been silent regarding the massacre in Newtown, CT because I have simply do not have words to describe the kind of evil that possessed that young man.  I was and continue to be heart-broken, furious, disgusted - and those are the emotions I can express in words.  I feel like crying and have throughout the weekend to think of precious babies being exposed to such malicious depravity.  Being in the school system, I think, makes this even more of a horrible reality because you realize this could happen in any school - your school, my school.  Then I begin putting names and faces, very personal names and faces, with who it could have been, and that is more than my soul can bear.  It hurts my heart.

One of the blogs I subscribe to described it as a snatching away of innocence right here at Christmas - a time for celebrating the innocence of children.  I think of it as the worst nightmare you can imagine and not being able to wake up from it.  It's one of the things you wish you could "unsee" or "unthink."  

Immediately I knew we had to do something - I had to do something.  So yesterday, a few of us at our church took some time to pray for the families of the victims as well as the young man who was the perpetrator.  The verse I shared with them is Psalm 34:18,

"The Lord is near to the broken-hearted,

and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

That is my prayer for everyone involved, even for those of us who are suffering from a distance, that we turn to Christ as He is the only one who can carry hurt like this.  I have seen many posts on facebook about how we should let Christ back in our schools.  If you think for one instance that He requires our permission to be in a school or that He was not in those classrooms in CT, then your God is not as big as mine.  I think perhaps we as Christians should wake up and learn His character so that His words come out of our mouths and His actions are our actions.  He is there - perhaps we should start listening.

I include myself in every part of this - so my challenge for myself and for anyone reading this is to stop and listen, to pray.  Our prayer vigil was at 3:30 yesterday - so I am going to set an alarm on my phone for 3:30 pm everyday to stop and to pray for these families, for our nation, and that we remember that Christ is with us. I am asking anyone reading this to do the same - it can be anytime that works for you.  

I also think we can honor those who lost their lives by celebrating the love and joy we have in our own lives - not to take any of our blessings for granted.  To look at the children in your life and remember they are precious gifts from God.

I leave you with this - 

 

Is anyone among you suffering? Then he must pray. Is anyone cheerful? He is to sing praises. Is anyone among you sick? Then he must call for the elders of the church and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins,they will be forgiven him. Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months.  Then he prayed again, and the sky poured rain and the earth produced its fruit.

catharsis

Because it helps to say things or write things down.
Because words fail us sometimes.
Because just maybe we all have someone who has or is making us feel this way.
Because some day soon you will have to let go, put your heart back together, and move on.

I have chosen song lyrics - because words fail us sometimes.  Then we turn to music.  And some of the most beautiful lyrics and music come from the most excruciating pain.

"Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt

Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in

Because of you
I am ashamed of my life
Because it's empty
Because of you, I am afraid.

...Sometimes you just have to get it out to truly let go...

roles

I have to admit something.  I am a romance junkie.  I love all those sappy ROM/COM movies, and yes even those quite unrealistic vampire movies.  (Although, the books are MUCH better than the movies.)  I am also a big fan of The Hunger Games books and movie.  My parents raised me to be a strong, independent woman so I love all the stories of the girl taking care of herself and still finding the romance.  Now I know these are just movies and completely fake, but I am seeing something in the movies and in our world that I don't like.

Many of the movies today feature a strong woman who does not need a man to come and rescue her, but the strength in the female lead often leaves the male lead weak - both physically and intellectually.  Since when has a weak man been a good thing? Ever?  Personally, as a believer the man is to be the leader in the household, so I expect him to fulfill that role.  Maybe it is just me, but I like for people, in general but especially men, to have opinions, to be strong, to be intelligent, and to take their responsibilities seriously.  A sense of humor is awesome, but there is a time and a place to dial back the comedy and put your big boy breeches on and be the man you are called to be!

Now if you are male and reading this, don't get aggravated with me just yet.  Ladies, it is time that you and I do the same thing.  I do not feel that the man is strong at the expense of the ladies' strength.  Throughout my life, my Dad has been the head of our household, and my mother was and is the submissive partner she is called to be.  However, the strength and position my father held came with the confidence in that strength and position that allowed my mother to be strong and independent.  Conversely, my mother submitted to the position God placed my father in and believed in His ability to fulfill that position.  So ladies, it is time to be the mothers, daughters, sisters, wives, and friends that allow men to be men.  Men can step up and assert their leadership all day long, but ladies, we must recognize that leadership and believe in their ability to be a leader!  In case you missed it ladies, it is NOT our job to be the one who wears the pants!  I am all for and believe you need to be strong, but it is an idea of bridled strength.  We must choose not to assert our lead.

What have been your experiences? Why must the female lead in a movie be strong at the expense of the male and visa versa?  Do you see this transfer into the real world as well?  Just something to think about, and let me know what you think!

silence

Well, the past few days have pretty quiet here on the blog.  I am finding I go through times where I have so much to say that I must write lest the words explode within me while there are times when I have no words.  Needless to say, but I believe we have a case of the latter going on right now.

I have been doing a bit of soul-searching the past few days - revisiting some issues within my own heart that I thought I had dealt with but can't seem to shake.   To be quite frank, I am somewhat frustrated with myself and with my life right now.  I feel like it is perhaps a God-given period of discontentment to push me towards the goals and life He has for me.  I am not even sure if that makes any sense to any of you, but that is where I am.

And, I think it is of vital importance to take stock sporadically of life and directions and goals - to take the time to realign yourself with that which you have made your center.  For me, my center, my focus is Christ and to be more like Him everyday.

One such issue I am working with that I was pointed out to me this morning at church is being more active in the community of believers.  I am never more comfortable than being alone, and don't misunderstand, I know that alone time is important.  It is my time to recharge - I am not naturally gifted with being around people 24/7.  However, my personality should not be an excuse not to engage in the community around me.  We were created for community - our very being is designed to do this thing called life with other people.

So that is one of a few puzzles I am addressing at the moment, and hopefully I might find a few answers for my questions in the coming days.  Until then I am embracing the silence so as not to disrupt it with empty words and phrases that disguise obstacles instead of illuminating resolution.

Until then,

Isaiah

So my latest Bible study has been through the book of Isaiah via a study done by Kay Arthur - if you have not googled her and her studies, do it! Now!  Anyway, other than making my head hurt as I try to wrap my head around Isaiah's words, visions, and "woes," it has completely rocked my world.  It is PACKED with such incredible lessons and insight into our world.  I have loved it even though it has brought new meaning to searching out truth because it has taught me to "wrestle with" information - to dwell on it, to meditate on these truths, and go far deeper into Scripture than I have been in the past.

One piece that has infiltrated my core is the plan for Christ's redemption and just how early it was revealed to God's men and women.  I always knew that God knew that Christ was necessary from the beginning, but to see Him being revealed to the prophets in such clarity is blowing my mind.  I love that Isaiah had visions of the grace that was to come; however, Isaiah himself writes that he weeps at the destruction that would befall Jerusalem prior to Christ coming and at the end of days, he becomes so sick he likens it to labor pains.  I sometimes get caught up in wanting to know the plan - I am comfortable with God being in control of the plan, I just want to know what the plan is. Isaiah knew the hope that would come but he also knew the proceeding events that it would take to get to the day of hope - that's not always a pretty picture. So after reading of Isaiah's agony over knowing everything the plan included, I think I should learn to just be okay with the spotlights and highlights I receive.  That's a big deal for this OCD schedule addict.

Something else that I cherish in this study is the picture of God's character established through out Isaiah.  The last post was about the beautiful tension found in Christ's balance of truth of grace - can I tell you that character trait is so very evident in God our Father through Isaiah's words.  The need for judgement and the "woes" divinely balanced with the plan for redemption along with God's judgement for the sins of Israel paralleled with His incomparable and incessant love for them.  Isaiah 62 has been one of my favorite pieces of Scripture for a long time, and after seeing it in context of all of Isaiah, I love it that much more.  I hope you will read it sometime - it's a beautiful picture of God never giving up on Israel.  I love that He doesn't give up on us - once we are His, we are ALWAYS HIS!

I have so enjoyed my time studying Isaiah even though I left with more headaches more times than I care to admit - there really is nothing like working out Scripture for yourself.  I just thought I would share this with you!
  

grace and truth

Audrey Hepburn once said, "people, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone."  I love Audrey Hepburn as an actress, and I love that she seemed very intelligent and very honest.  Many of her quotes have become some of my favorites.

I have never in my life felt the truth in these words more than I do at this time in my life. Sometimes, I feel like I throw people out of my life as though I am tossing out the trash after organizing.  I think maybe I am being convicted of this habit and God is changing my heart for people.  It literally breaks my heart to think of someone tossing me out of their life for whatever reason, and I detest the idea that I might have made someone in my life feel like that.  I am at a loss for words to describe the ache in my heart for my actions. This morning in church, our pastor talked about loving as Christ loved, and Christ loved with equal amounts of grace (I love you) and truth (you are a sinner). (Reference is John 1:14)  He referred to this balance of grace and truth as a beautiful tension - a tension I must admit I have felt in my own life.  I am learning that while I yearn for Christ to extend grace exclusive of truth to me, I often extend truth exclusive of grace to the people around me.  Hence the breaking of my heart and heavy conviction...

Grace is messy because love is messy.  I think truth is very clear cut and easier than grace.  To me grace means taking time and making efforts to look beyond myself and my pain - a difficult and messy task. But if I am to be a disciple of Christ which is my ultimate goal, then there must be this coexistence of both grace and truth - this tension that never needs resolving.  Being reminded of the grace Christ has shown me is just another layer to the thoughts I have wrestled with this week and weekend.

I know that we as people cannot redeem someone's soul - only Jesus can do that.  However, I believe that we can reclaim them - we can reach out to restore relationships.  We can allow them to be redeemed in our eyes; a feat I am convinced is often more difficult than we care to admit because it means looking at people who have hurt us, disappointed us, betrayed us and seeing them the way Christ sees them and us.  I like what John, our pastor, said about this - grace does not make sin okay or acceptable to God, it pays for the sin.

Romans 5:8 states, "That God demonstrated His love towards us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

How can I measure people not worth the time and effort to extend both grace and truth when Christ died to extend both grace and truth to me?  I want people to see Christ in me which means showing both love (grace and truth) to those I interact with.  It also means repentance for those times when I failed to live as I should and to love as I have been instructed to love.

I hope this post makes you ask questions, and I pray that our world knows the full love of Christ.

what you do matters

The school year is off and running.  I don't know about all of you, but it seems to be so much more hectic than the beginning of last school year.  Yesterday I had to make myself stop and take a deep breath.  Today has been a nice balance of rest with a little preparation for the coming week.  Last week allowed little time for downtime much less blogging time - I apologize to all two of you who read my ramblings.

For the past week I have contemplating encouragement.  There have been times in my life where someone has stepped in my life that through either words or actions has provided encouragement for me.   I like words - actions can be misinterpreted at times unless they match the words and words contain a specific power to either build someone up or to tear them down.  I must admit that in the past words have been a weapon for me - a fact that I am not particularly proud of.  However, that is not the point of this post.

The focus is encouragement.  The weeks leading up to school starting found me not feeling a little discouraged - through some events and actions by others I felt a little like my contribution to this world was small and insignificant.  I felt as though I was not really making a difference at all.  Then the Lord brought to mind a few words that I had heard once on a television show - "what you do matters, it's what got me here."

Sometimes we really need to hear that - that what we do matters to someone out there.  I am sure there are those of you out there who are stronger than I am, and you don't need anyone to tell you that what you is important.  But maybe there are others out there like me - maybe you need to hear that what you do matters - you may never know this side of heaven the difference you make in someone's life but know that you are making a difference.

My moment of encouragement came from a 3 year old little girl who was laying down for nap on the first day of school who before she put her head on the pillow said to me, "I love you."  I took a quiet deep breath as fought back the tears (remember I am emotional by nature) as I had really needed that.  I love hugs, and it felt like God was giving me a big hug as He whispered in my ear, "what you do matters."

I just had to pass it on - I don't know if you are struggling with discouragement, burn-out, exhaustion, doubts, etc.  I just know that "what you do matters."  Believe that with all your heart, take a deep breath, and get back to it.

a punch & love

Well its officially the end of summer break for us.  Tomorrow we all go back to school - I must say I am ready for a return to our normal routine.  Being at home a good part of this summer has let me know that I might never be a stay-at-home mom.  I tip my hat to all of you who are, but cleaning my kitchen three times a day has made me somewhat crazy.  I cannot imagine doing that and running after children also.  I digress because that is not what this post is about.

This past week has been an incredible time of seeing God provide for Candace and my everyday needs, and it is truly amazing to see Him intervene in our lives especially when we fail Him so constantly.  Unconditional love is something that still blows me away especially when that unconditional love comes from the God of the Universe.  But I just had one of those "aha moments" I suppose - I pray that God providing for "the little things" in my life never stops being a big thing in my life.

I recently learned a working definition of exalt - which is to make something or someone big, to make a big deal of someone or something.  I love putting actions and pictures to words in my head, so anyways my life is to exalt Christ - to make a big deal of Him.  The way to do that is to live a life that reflects Him, and get ready for it.  Something I was punched in the gut with this morning - love, love God and love people.

1 John 4:8 states quite simply, "Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love."  Then double punch comes from 4:12, "No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us."

We are called to love, and the double punch is that people cannot see God even though they are looking for Him.  They are to see evidence of Him in the way we(disciples of Christ) show love to EVERYONE! Can we have a running, screaming fit on that one?   Maybe you just need to raise your hand, whatever suits you.  When I heard this from our phenomenal Pastor - John Stockstill, this morning I wanted to stand up and scream "YEAH" but then quietly sit back down because... well, wow!  John(our pastor not the disciple who wrote 1 John) said, "the distinguishing marks of a disciple should be how well you love."  This love is not just for those people who are easy to love but this love is for those who you, or I, or society would deem unlovable.  Hence the double punch and the quietly sitting back down embarrassed because this one comes with a list of names and issues a mile long.  How can I hold others to this standard when I have a problem loving someone just down the street, perhaps in my own family?

The problem is that I am not holding people to standards - God is holding all of us(me included) to these standards.  So in order to exalt Christ with my life, I must begin working on that list.  And just off the top of my head I should probably start with trying to see these people the way God sees them because He does love them like He loves me - no matter how many times I fail or offend Him.

So this is just what is going on with me, and I hope the Word of God punches you in the gut because truth sometimes hurts, but it is the pain of discipline that is God refining you and me. Our church posts the videos of the messages online so I will link the website here if you would like to check it our for yourself.

As always I leave you with,

words and moments

I heard someone say once that we too often waste our words, waste moments.  Yet again some little snippet that catches my attention, and I end up dwelling on it far longer than any normal person would or should.  But here I am and it has to come out, so here we go!  Here's your chance to keep reading or change or mind...

Now I don't think that there is some countdown of the words you use or a word allowance, but I do think that so often we don't say things that need to be said.  More often than that, I think we say the wrong things. Perhaps we use a stand-in replacement for words we are sure will hurt someone or for words that we are sure will come back to haunt us eventually even though the original words desperately need to be said.  I must tell you I have been guilty of both - probably in the same instance.  I am the stand-in girl - rather than say what I really want to say - I lie, sugar-coat, tell you what you want to hear, any of those old cliche's to keep you from really seeing me or knowing me or my thoughts.  Following these instances, of course, are those moments of instant regret because some of my closest friends may not REALLY know me at all while others see me as a snob.

Sorry I digress, the point of this is that I think we  I need to make a more conscious effort to make the words we do say worth something.  To not waste my words - to know that the words that proceed from my mouth inevitably come from my heart and those words, like actions, have consequences and carry with them responsibility.  Yes you read that correctly - words carry within them consequences and responsibility.  I found this little acronym that I want to use this year at school, and I think it fits here.

Before you speak, think -
T - Is it true?
H - Is it helpful?
I - Is it inspiring?
N - Is it necessary?
K - Is it kind?

That simple idea has really struck a chord with me - Maybe we have forgotten the moral of "Bambi" and say whatever we want even if it is not nice.  Maybe if we I take a moment for allowing those words to come out and think, then perhaps that is an effectual first step in not wasting my words.

The second part is that we waste moments - perhaps we don't take the moment to say those words or perhaps we don't waste the moment when words are simply not necessary.  Or just maybe you all too often find yourself sitting, watching moments pass you by scared to death that you will fail.  Once again - I think we - I need to be more aware of the moments throughout life.  We only have one life - too brief a time to spend it on auto-pilot.

So I suppose my lesson for today is just to be there - to be present in your life and to use your words to build people up not to tear down.

I hope you all have a great Sunday.  If you do not have a church home - come visit us at CrossPointe Community Church.  

confidence

Confidence

This one word brings about so many connotations. Such as - Should I be confident? Confidence sometimes comes across as arrogance and that's not attractive. Then again, no confidence is equally unattractive. Oh, and how exactly does one gain confidence if you are not born with it?

So what do you do? This is an issue for me as I am sure it is for many people. Over the past couple of years this search for confidence has kind of worsened for me. It's not an ever-present issue - it seems to reappear at times and subside at others. And through some searching, I have come up with a few theories...

Confidence comes much easier when in a pack. You ever see a lone college student? Not typically, right. Most of the time, there are at least a dozen sharing a pack of ramen noodles and a bottle of water. This was very much true of our friends - only it was a pizza and a coke. The years you spend in college can be some of the greatest times in your life - you eat horrible food, you don't sleep during normal hours if at all, you learn so much you feel like at any minute you could burst, and you make friends. Those friends are there for you to tell you are wonderful even if that guy didn't call, that you were right even though the professor has the degree, and that it will all be okay even though you might not see that through the caffeine-induced, sleep-deprived state.

It's the transition that kills you.

Once college is over, all those friends go their own way, down their own path - and so they should. So the true transition from adolescent to adult begins. And one day you look around to find yourself the lone, no longer in college, supposed to have it figured out, pack-less, girl struggling in this world that is constantly telling you that you are not good enough, you may be right but the other person is a pay-grade above you, and in real life, sometimes there really is nothing you can do about it.

I suppose that is where I have found myself recently. The transition. Or just following the transition - I am not really sure which.

It is during these moments, that you must dig deep down inside to that person you know you are and find strength to make a go of it without the cheering section. Through all my searching, it is Scripture - the Word of God that gets me through. Why would I go there, you may ask? Well it is my foundation - the pillar upon which I build that is never shaken nor altered nor added to. It is words that breathe life, strength, and yes confidence into me. It is where I find the God of the entire universe dying on a cross for me - for a world who hated Him and did not believe in Him so that He could bring us to Himself because He loves us. Wow. Love - love in it's weakest forms inspires confidence, but a love like that leaves me breathless.

You see the past few years since I finished college, it seems that Scripture has become increasingly important to me. It is precious to me - where I go for every situation or circumstance. I don't think it is self-confidence that is needed as much as confidence in God. He says I am loved, honored, enough, precious, and known - He knows me. That is what I take confidence in - sometimes I just have to be reminded when this world tries to tear me down and break me. So this is one of my favorite places to go -

1 But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel,“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!
2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.
3 “For I am the LORD your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I have given Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your place.
4 “Since you are precious in My sight,
Since you are honored and I love you,
I will give other men in your place and other peoples in exchange for your life.
5 “Do not fear, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
And gather you from the west.
6 “I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
And to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring My sons from afar
And My daughters from the ends of the earth,
7 Everyone who is called by My name,
And whom I have created for My glory,
Whom I have formed, even whom I have made.”
- Isaiah 43



I hope and pray the same confidence for you!

a hand print on my heart

“I’ve heard it said
That people come into your life for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow 
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today because I knew you
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine 
By being my friend…
Who can say that I have been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed by the better
And because I knew you, I have been changed for good!”
- excerpt from “For Good” from the Broadway Musical "Wicked"


I posted this two years ago around this time as an attempt to describe what my Mamaw meant to me - a job I am not sure I could ever accomplish with simple words.  As the anniversary of her passing draws near, I take it as a time to consider the person I am and people I am pouring love into.  I feel as though I have grown over the past two years while there are certainly areas that require attention.   


One thing I know for sure is that there is an irreplaceable piece of this girl that left when she did.  When I think of the person I so long to be - the person that honors God and her in everything she does, there is an ache and a longing for the things I so took for granted.  The way she smelled when she hugged me, the smell of homemade biscuits and coffee in the morning, the way she said "I love you girls" - those are a few of the things I miss the most.


I am reminded everyday to be the girl she would be proud of, and so I thought I would share with you some of the things that she expected of us - her family, her granddaughters, the people who entered her home.

Love and serve God with all of your heart, strength, and mind.

Love your family with all of your heart.

Treat EVERYONE with respect, love, kindness, and compassion.

Work hard at whatever your hands find to do.

Laugh, laugh a lot.

Feed those who are hungry.

Give to those who are less fortunate than you.

I am sure I am leaving something out, but that shall do for now.  Please do not take the older generation in your family for granted - especially your grandparents.  Love them, listen to them, learn from them - trust me, you will be better for it.

Much Love,

Colie