new year

Confession - I have not made a new year's resolution, and I have not even made a list of things that I want for this year.  If I am completely honest, I have not been entirely retrospective concerning 2013 because it was a tough year!  There were  times when my heart hurt as though someone had torn it out of my chest with their bare hands.  There were times when I was so exhausted, I found myself doing the minimum and going through the motions of life.  I have longed for heaven and the peace and relief it will bring.  I got so very frustrated with myself and my foolish pride, my wandering heart.  I think I learn every day a little more about the value of His grace and patience.

Do not get me wrong, there have been some wonderful times this year, but struggle seems to be theme we focused on this year.  I began this year striving for balance and quickly realized that it only takes one stumble for all those things you thought were balanced to come crashing down!  Have you ever been there?  Have you ever just needed a break from the world?   I think that is where I found myself this past year - I think I found myself going through the motions because caring meant hurting, and I didn't have time to deal with all of that.  So I kept going and going until I could not get up any more, so for most of the holidays, I did very little besides lay on the couch and be a bum.  

I think it was the best thing I could have done - you see all of the resolutions and goals don't mean anything when you can't remember why you are doing those things.  So for me, 2014 is a chance to remember why I fight, a pause to get my bearings, and an opportunity to move forward past the struggle.  I don't think I will make a resolution or a list this year, I just want to be present.

two months

Well it has been a little over two months since my last post - some of you may have forgotten about me!  I apologize for the silence, but it has been so incredibly hectic around the block lately.  I am not so adept to change so it takes me a minute or a month for me to adjust my schedule.  I am still adjusting and working on a new routine/schedule.  Perhaps my disruption is just the hands-on portion of the lesson we have been going through at our church - God knows I learn best from experience.

So I thought I would share with you a little list (I know, shocker) to catch you up on the goings on of the Beaty girl house!

• School has been going great lately!  I am working on doing an art project once a week that coordinates with the letter for the week.  The kids love it, and they are just so cute when we get them finished.  You can check out my board on Pinterest to see some of the things we have done so far as well as some of the things coming up!
• I am also trying to add to my library at school, so I have joined the Scholastic world!  I am a self-professed nerd which means I absolutely LOVE Scholastic.  The kids can get books at ridiculously inexpensive prices, and I get bonus points to buy books for my room!  It's a win-win situation.  I think I may have my family just buy me books from my wish list for Christmas!  (Hint, HINT) (P.S. you will need this code to find me - MNCF4)
• #Littlegirl is still alive and kicking which is a major feat for her on days when she makes me want to pull her hair out!  We have already signed our lease for a new year in the SAME APARTMENT!!!  This is a major accomplishment for us - two years in the same place and the second Thanksgiving week that we are not moving!!  (Break for happy dance!!!)
• Oh little update for ya on the weight loss.  We are STILL going to the gym; it may or may not be 3-4 days per week instead of 5-6 but we are going regularly.  So far I have lost almost 40 pounds, and little girl has lost almost 60.  We don't have specific number goals on the weight because we understand this is a process that is part of an entirely different lifestyle for us.  We just want to be healthy and more comfortable in our skin.
• Our church is growing which means our children's and preschool departments are growing!  And all of that means figuring out space and teachers for our kiddos as we are out-growing our current rooms - what an awesome time and blessing for CrossPointe! I am beyond excited about the direction we are headed in.  I am telling you, if you don't have a church home, please come check out CrossPointe.  We have an awesome Pastor, great staff, amazing teachers in our children's worship areas, and beautiful, precious people!  There is nowhere else like it! 

Well there is the sneak peak into the craziness.  I can't promise that it won't be two more months until you hear from me again, but until next time lovies!  Much love!

Echoes

Sometimes it is the echoes of glory from a past triumph 

or the echoes of laughter and tears from good days that went by all to quickly.

While other times, it is the echoes of what might have been  - 

the what-ifs in life that lead to the very cusp of insanity.

Still other times, it  is the echoes of tragedy -

those instances when everything is still so real that it takes your breath away 

even months and years later.

We all have echoes - the left-over bits and pieces of moments from our life that can be haunting.  I think these snippets or echoes are always with us, but most often it is some outside stimulant that forces retrospection.  The smell of new crayons, the feel of a summer breeze, 90's music on the local radio station are just such stimulants for me!  

These moments of nostalgia or regret bring me to one simple conclusion - it is not just what you do that matters but how you do what do that is of equal importance.  I have been reminded lately that this life is much too short and moments much too precious to do anything half-heartedly or to live without integrity.  How you live matters.  What you do with your given amount of time matters.  Do not for one second think that how you live only affects you - there are people out there waiting for you to get off the bench and into the game.  But to get into the game, you first must let go of those echoes - even those that build the ego.  Nothing we undertake will neither change the past nor bring it back.  It is time to make new echoes - to scream at the top of your lungs, to finally join that gym, train for that 5k, go back to school, make new friends, or start a new career.  

Those people waiting for you to get in the game deserve the best you not some stand-in on auto-pilot.  Today - this instant - is all you are given so decide to make the effort now!

changes and a soapbox

Well hello there!  Remember me?  I am Nicole - the semi-silent blogger.  My apologies for that - things have been slightly crazy around the Beaty-girls' household the past few weeks.  A few things I am quite excited about -

• Candace and I joined the gym!!!  We have needed to do this for sometime now, but we just had to get motivated.  So the week of Spring Break, we went to a new local gym that is open 24 hours a day/ 7 days a week!  Also, since the schedule we keep makes evenings difficult - we are working out most days at around 5:30 in the morning!!!  I don't like seeing more than one 5:30 in my day, but oh my word, it is so worth it!  I think I may be slightly addicted to working out... is that possible?
• Candace and I designed and proposed a summer program for children - and it was approved!  More about that to come!
• The school year is almost over... it means things get terribly busy around campus but it also means that a break is coming!!!

So I think that is all on the list at the moment - but I do have a small issue for the soapbox!

Have you seen these?

Source: purehome.com via Hailey on Pinterest

Perhaps I over-think things, but inaccuracy drives me crazy.  Its like English majors throwing temper tantrums because you used the wrong "your/you're" or "there/their/they're."  Please allow me to elaborate on this inaccuracy.  The anchor and the "refuse to sink"  is cool; I mean, I like anchors and refuse to sink is just catchy enough without being too cliche or tacky!  The problem comes when you think of what an anchor is actually used for...  One guess, an anchor has one job, and it is to sink!!!  Anchors are quite large and heavy so that they will sink to the bottom of whatever body of water and keep whatever water craft in one place.  An anchor will not keep you from sinking - it will keep you from drifting! Now if the catchy phrase were to say something like - "my hope is fixed," "refuse to be swayed," "stand firm," etc, then I would not be on my soapbox!  I think my main problem is that people are using this as a tattoo - hello people, it's wrong and permanent!  Like I said I love anchors as tattoos and the message of perseverance is the same but use a different phrase!

Okay soapbox moment over!  I hope you all have a wonderful Monday!

change

I must admit I am not completely fond of change - it is just the right amount of unsteady footing that makes me quite nervous.  However, there are times in my life where I find myself wishing for and even seeking change.  I have been feeling a bit restless for sometime now feeling the need to step out of my routine and shake things up a little.  I am not sure what that will exactly look like, but I just know that I need it - change. 

I believe it has been coming, and that God has been preparing me for it.  I am seeing evidence that God is preparing me for something through some of the books of the Bible I have been studying.  I think of Nehemiah's words to the people of Israel building the wall, "do not be afraid of them, remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight!"  Then my mind immediately goes to the Lord preparing Joshua for change, "do not be afraid or discouraged, be strong and courageous, for I will be with you wherever you go."  Joshua is further instructed not to "turn to the right or to the left" but to remain faithful to the Words and Commands of God.

I feel as though I am standing on the cusp of something immense, and I must say it is not without trepidation or sadness.  Notwithstanding, I know that I need whatever change is coming.  We must keep moving and breathing and living - stagnation leaves us lifeless.

I simply pray for the strength and courage to stay the course and to remain faithful to the Words and Commands of Christ!

changes

So I have been thinking, and I mentioned this quite briefly in the previous post.  I think it is time for a little structure for the blog - instead of just my rantings twice a week about something that is or has been driving me crazy.  So I worked up a little schedule to include some of the things that have been the most well-received here on the little blog.  

I am not at all sure if I can keep to this aforementioned schedule, but it is worth a try.  So here it goes - 

Monday - Message

Tuesday - Thrifty Tuesday

Wednesday - Wardrobe

Thursday - Throwback (I may have stole this from Instagram, but hello, history major!)

Friday - Favorite Things

I have left Saturday and Sunday free to just leave room for randomness, and if I am honest there is only so much structure for this girl!

Source: weheartit.com via Christine on Pinterest

Just trying to remind myself change is a good thing - 

love and politics

Okay I have a little bit of a rant tonight. I have been somewhat frustrated lately. I must say that I am so tired of seeing political affiliation statements laced with the "if you are a Christian, you will re-post this" message!

And so many people are upset about the same-sex marriage issue or prayer in schools issue or the ten commandments in federal buildings issue. So let me introduce you to a little "National Government 101." As we are not a theocracy, you can not legislate morality. As much as we would like to, we can't. Our forefathers wanted people to have the freedom to believe whatever they wanted. More than that, they did not want a government telling them what to believe, how to worship, etc. At the time, they had just left a country that tried to do just that. Now I am not an idiot, the Declaration of Independence as well as our Constitution does contain quite a bit of Christian ideology and beliefs; however, there are many areas left up for people to take their own convictions on.

However, before all of you call me a crazy devil-worshiper. Keep reading. There is a point to all of this. When Christianity began, the early church did not organize a petition to make Christianity the national religion so people would change. They did not try to make governmental laws that made other people worship Jesus. No, they changed - God came in and totally upended their way of life. The early church was focused on living this life the way they had seen Jesus live it. The world saw the difference - the love of Christ radiating in and through their lives and God changed the world. The early church was not lazy - they put in the work. They suffered for their decisions to follow Christ - it was not in any form a popular or easy decision for them. To be completely honest, relying on someone else to "enforce the Gospel" kind of feels like the lazy way out.

So here is my thought. Instead of organizing the petition, why don't we pour love, discipline, and prayer into our children and teenagers so they know the power of prayer in their lives? Instead of hating people who are homosexual, why don't we show them love and how Christ's love changed our lives? Oh and while we are at it, we should realize that if people were seeing Christ in our lives, we would not need the Ten Commandments on the wall. The problem is this means a change of lifestyle, discipline, work for us (I very much include myself in all of this), and it will mean being uncomfortable, unpopular, and not necessarily safe. On the other end, we will experience joy, peace and love like never before.

You know I usually start these things with some little tidbit that stays with me and that I dwell on, and as I evaluate what is really going on - I see that this an area that God is refining in me. This may just be my thing - God cutting away the layers of facade in my own heart and life and revealing what is real in me, or perhaps, I am hoping, some of you are seeing some of the same things. We say that we are Christians, but I wonder if we could be convicted of that charge in a court of law simply based on our life's evidence.

Perhaps we should stop trying to force the government officials make a law that people change and start living a life that radiates the love of Christ. After all, real Christ-centered love is the only thing that has ever and continues to change the world.

"By this all men will know that you are my Disciples, if you have love one for another."

John 13:35

Audrey and Ralph

There are days when words fail me - or perhaps when I fail words.  Those days when you can't express your heart; for most of these instances it is music that fills those voids.  I love music - all types really because many times it is the poetry of the writer or the tone of the notes that expresses something within me that would otherwise go unvoiced.  Sometimes it is song lyrics that fills this void, but other times it is quotes from people who have done this thing before and leave their words behind to give voices to those who might not be so eloquent.  So I thought I would leave you with a few of my favorite quotes as they are something that I love and that inspires me!  These quotes help me to remember that I am not alone on this journey...

Source: weheartit.com via nicole on Pinterest

I love Audrey Hepburn - so classy and elegant and apparently brilliant!  It helps me look for that which is good in people because the bad is so much easier to find yet so counterproductive.

Source: google.com via nicole on Pinterest

I had to learn this poem in the 8th grade in Mrs. Jeanne Rowland's class, and it has stuck with me.  I want desperately to succeed by this definition especially that one life breathed easier because I existed.

Source: michelleums.tumblr.com via nicole on Pinterest

Oh how I long for "it's time" - the patience to see things or people be made beautiful is quite a virtue that I am working on everyday!

Source: spirituallythinking.blogspot.com via nicole on Pinterest

Finally, I love this quote because throughout my life there have been times when I have had to trust God's character and what I know of Him regardless of my circumstances or what I am seeing.  The added bonus of this being from the Holocaust - someone thought this that has experienced far worse circumstances than I could ever dream of.  The faith of this person is so encouraging and incredible and humbling - if this person can trust Him through the Holocaust, why do I struggle trusting Him through everyday life?

Source: etsy.com via nicole on Pinterest

I had to have just one more - I like the movement this quote implies. Do something.  Go be whatever it is these quotes inspire.  Gandhi said you must be the change you wish to see in the world.  Change starts with you and me!

I hope these quotes inspire you, and I would love to read some of the quotes that inspire you!

Much Love,

Colie

twenty - eight

So this past December, I turned 28.  I know all the jokes – in my late 20’s, getting really close to the big 30, etc!  Well I have decided to celebrate this getting older thing as I don’t see it as a bad thing.  Unless you know something about this aging process that I don’t, most people get older!  Most people say to look at a girl’s mother to see what she will be like when she gets older, and if that is true then I am truly blessed.  I believe that my mom has only continued to become more beautiful inside and out the older she gets.  So in honor of this milestone – I have made a list because I so love lists! 

28 Things To Do While I am 28 

(in no particular order)

1.        Go on a road trip – preferably up the east coast

2.       Live a RADICAL life for Christ!

3.       Tithe RADICALLY

4.       Be a better steward of what I have been given.

5.       Be more hospitable – we have been blessed with a great apartment and I feel like we need to share!

6.       Make a quilt! Or two or three.

7.       Open my heart again and maybe fall in love.

8.       Go on a mission trip!

9.       Design something new for A Daisy A Day.

10.   Grow our business.

11.   Plant a balcony sized vegetable/herb/flower pot garden!

12.   Read a few classic novels that I have never read, such as the ones on this list!

13.   Buy a sewing machine!

14.   Use the sewing machine and complete a project!

15.   Go to Blue Mountain College (my alma mater) for Homecoming – I haven’t been back since I graduated in 2007.

16.   Get a second tattoo.

17.   Become healthier – seriously!

18.   Take care of student loans!  One I can already mark off! Yes!

19.   Go with Candace to get her first tattoo!

20.   Subscribe to the local paper and read it!

21.   Continue to grow in my faith – more discipline!

22.   Get a free, natural tan!

23.   Spend some quality time with old friends!

24.   Make a DIY project for our apartment at least once a month!

25.   Apply again for a teaching job!

26.   Get rid of things I don’t need in order to live a simpler life!

27.   Go to the beach for at least a week this summer!

28.   Stop biting my nails!

Okay so you can follow me on Pinterest - I have a board dedicated to ideas surrounding this list! Or you can stay tuned here and I will try to update often concerning the status!

a crock pot, a recipe, and pinterest

Okay so Candace and I are horrible about going through a drive-thru on our way home from work.  And really after taking care of children all day, who really wants to come home and fix dinner?  Besides eating out getting really old really fast, the food is terrible for you, so we have been trying to cook more at home.  The one thing that has been a life-saver is the crock pot - it's not just for Rotel or your grandmother.  Last week, we put beef tips, potatoes, onions, bell pepper, and 1/2 cup Dale's Steak seasoning in it and had a feast when we came home from work!  Tonight I put 6 chicken tenders, 1/2 a bell pepper, 3 tbsp butter, 1 part chicken stock, 1 part water, a dash of salt, a dash of Tony Chachere's and poultry seasoning, and we added some mashed potatoes and called it dinner!  It was amazing, and our house smelled like yummy chicken goodness when we came home tonight!  As the weather gets colder, I can't wait to do more soups and stuff in the crock pot!  It makes coming home and passing the drive-thru so much easier!

So I have discovered and fallen in love with Pinterest!  Finally a place to keep up with the all of the ideas that are floating around in my head!  Candace and I are looking to move back to Laurel, and the idea of decorating a cute little apartment makes me so excited.  The idea of moving again does not make me so excited, but it's time and we need to move!  So I created a board with ideas that I would love to do in the Apartment, and I will link it so you can see! Check it out!  I have a few other boards on there as well, but I have not dedicated as much attention to them as of right now!  Below is a cute little kitchen that makes use of typically wasted space!

Source: designspongeonline.com via nicole on Pinterest

Lately I don't know exactly what it is but I have been so very distracted by life and everything in it that I have neglected my personal Bible study time - I like to call it an un-quiet time.  I have missed my un-quiet time and I can definitely tell when I have missed it!  My entire attitude changes, my world is upside down, and it sucks.  I am trying desperately to get back into the Word - Truth is the only thing that can change me! I am reminded of the importance of renewing our minds, and it is so very important and vital to living this life for God.  It may so very cliche but I promise this is truth!

Therefore, I urge your brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.  And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you may prove what the will of God is - which is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:1-2

discoveries

Tonight we had a great night at church with the youth.  Chad spoke just as he does every wednesday night - its really good so you should definitely come.  But that's really not the point because tonight Chad brought up something that completely astounded me.  We were talking about Jesus walking on water and Peter leaving the boat, walking on water, and "seeing the wind" at which time Peter began to sink.  I had never really thought about the fact that Jesus helped Peter up, and the two of them walked back to the boat side by side. (Thanks Chad)  Sometimes... okay most of the time, I get caught up in the constant reminder of just how imperfect I am.  I hate to fail, and yet failing is the one thing I never have to worry about being consistent at.  I do find hope in the fact that Peter, one of Jesus' disciples failed quite a bit in Scripture and still wrote part of what we consider Scripture and is still a major figure in Christian history.  Based on Peter's many examples, we can fail and get past it. Hello, rocking my little world right now.

The big deal to me was the getting back up and continuing side by side with Jesus.  Two reasons this rocked my world -
1. I tend to try to do everything without asking for help which is most often when I fail.  I have learned recently from experience that life is so much sweeter when you walk side by side with Jesus.  Accepting that I have fallen, I reach for His hand and ask that He lead me and "make my paths straight."(Psalm 3:5-6)
2. I love a good "phoenix" story - you know getting up after you have fallen and making something of yourself.  I also know that I have been there, there being flat on my face with nowhere to go but to God.  It was there that He met me with arms outstretched offering love and grace instead of hate and "I told you so."  It was also there that He picked me up and made something of me. In Isaiah 62, God calls His church Hepzhibah which means "my delight is in you."  I heard Him tell me that I am His (Is 43) and that He has me inscribed in the palm of His hand.(Is 49)

For most of my life, I heard people saying that God should be and can be your everything, that He loves you, wants you to love Him in return, desires relationship, and longs to woo you to Himself.  I also heard people say that to know Him you must know His character.  Which it sounds almost elementary to me now because "duh" you have to know someone to love them.  I began by simply saying that I wanted Him to be my everything.  I have believed in Jesus for a very long time, but never really understood what all of this really looked in my life.  I then asked Him to reveal Himself to me that I may know Him, and I began a Bible study designed specifically for that.  I wanted to fall in love with Jesus so I began to seek Him.  Can I tell you that I fell more in love everyday.  It was amazing to me that He really did pursue me and love me.  He is our Shepherd, our Lord, our El Shaddai - which is not just a slightly weird song.  El Shaddai literally means "motherly."  Nobody loves you like a mama except God because that is part of His character.  I get so excited when I think about this so I will stop now or I will write an even longer book.  (It's just awesome though!!!)  While we were at youth camp with the girls, I realized that I would rather have this life with Jesus than any amount of money or any job or any amount of security.  You can read more in depth about that discovery here.

All of this to say that how you live - your actions and reactions are choices.  You have the choice to be the victim type that never gets out of the water after sinking or you can reach for His hand, get up, and walk side by side with Him.  Also, you want to walk side by side with Him because He loves you unconditionally forever no matter what AMEN!  That peace that passes all understanding really does pass all understanding and comprehension.  It's difficult to explain - it's just something you know. 

new ideas

So as a self-proclaimed "history-nerd," the idea of studying ancient civilizations fascinates me.  I am so intrigued by what life was like for people in different worlds and social structures, and most often we find out what we know about these people groups through archeological digs.  These digs brings us bits and pieces of what these ancient civilizations have left behind - many times we find etchings on walls telling us a story of these people.  Now that we have so many other artistic outlets of expression and so many technological outlets of expression (blogs, online journals, facebook), I wonder what we and more specifically I will leave behind for future generations to find so that they will know what our world was like.

At different times in my personal life, I become extremely reflective - what have I done if my life, did any of it matter, have I accomplished certain goals I have for my life, what decisons in the past have led to where I am now, and which, if any, of those decisions would I like a "re-do" on?  There is this aching desire in my heart to do something important - to fulfill some sort of divine purpose.  Not necessarily a purpose that will make me popular or wealthy but something that means something to me and perhaps to someone else.  I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but its where I am right now.  I want my life to matter in the grand scheme of things!  And I want to do something great - again not something necessarily great as defined by our society but perhaps my purpose is that someone who reads these words today or tomorrow or in years to come will be helped, encouraged by my simple ramblings.  Perhaps these blog posts are what I will leave behind for future generations to gather a glimpse into my small world and what it might look like. 

I have a feeling in my bones that perhaps some changes are coming my way in the near future, and while change scares me quite a bit, I will do my best to be prepared to welcome change with an open heart and mind with hope that these changes are for the best!