prayers

Until now, I have been silent regarding the massacre in Newtown, CT because I have simply do not have words to describe the kind of evil that possessed that young man.  I was and continue to be heart-broken, furious, disgusted - and those are the emotions I can express in words.  I feel like crying and have throughout the weekend to think of precious babies being exposed to such malicious depravity.  Being in the school system, I think, makes this even more of a horrible reality because you realize this could happen in any school - your school, my school.  Then I begin putting names and faces, very personal names and faces, with who it could have been, and that is more than my soul can bear.  It hurts my heart.

One of the blogs I subscribe to described it as a snatching away of innocence right here at Christmas - a time for celebrating the innocence of children.  I think of it as the worst nightmare you can imagine and not being able to wake up from it.  It's one of the things you wish you could "unsee" or "unthink."  

Immediately I knew we had to do something - I had to do something.  So yesterday, a few of us at our church took some time to pray for the families of the victims as well as the young man who was the perpetrator.  The verse I shared with them is Psalm 34:18,

"The Lord is near to the broken-hearted,

and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

That is my prayer for everyone involved, even for those of us who are suffering from a distance, that we turn to Christ as He is the only one who can carry hurt like this.  I have seen many posts on facebook about how we should let Christ back in our schools.  If you think for one instance that He requires our permission to be in a school or that He was not in those classrooms in CT, then your God is not as big as mine.  I think perhaps we as Christians should wake up and learn His character so that His words come out of our mouths and His actions are our actions.  He is there - perhaps we should start listening.

I include myself in every part of this - so my challenge for myself and for anyone reading this is to stop and listen, to pray.  Our prayer vigil was at 3:30 yesterday - so I am going to set an alarm on my phone for 3:30 pm everyday to stop and to pray for these families, for our nation, and that we remember that Christ is with us. I am asking anyone reading this to do the same - it can be anytime that works for you.  

I also think we can honor those who lost their lives by celebrating the love and joy we have in our own lives - not to take any of our blessings for granted.  To look at the children in your life and remember they are precious gifts from God.

I leave you with this - 

 

Is anyone among you suffering? Then he must pray. Is anyone cheerful? He is to sing praises. Is anyone among you sick? Then he must call for the elders of the church and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins,they will be forgiven him. Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months.  Then he prayed again, and the sky poured rain and the earth produced its fruit.

a hand print on my heart

“I’ve heard it said
That people come into your life for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow 
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today because I knew you
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine 
By being my friend…
Who can say that I have been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed by the better
And because I knew you, I have been changed for good!”
- excerpt from “For Good” from the Broadway Musical "Wicked"


I posted this two years ago around this time as an attempt to describe what my Mamaw meant to me - a job I am not sure I could ever accomplish with simple words.  As the anniversary of her passing draws near, I take it as a time to consider the person I am and people I am pouring love into.  I feel as though I have grown over the past two years while there are certainly areas that require attention.   


One thing I know for sure is that there is an irreplaceable piece of this girl that left when she did.  When I think of the person I so long to be - the person that honors God and her in everything she does, there is an ache and a longing for the things I so took for granted.  The way she smelled when she hugged me, the smell of homemade biscuits and coffee in the morning, the way she said "I love you girls" - those are a few of the things I miss the most.


I am reminded everyday to be the girl she would be proud of, and so I thought I would share with you some of the things that she expected of us - her family, her granddaughters, the people who entered her home.

Love and serve God with all of your heart, strength, and mind.

Love your family with all of your heart.

Treat EVERYONE with respect, love, kindness, and compassion.

Work hard at whatever your hands find to do.

Laugh, laugh a lot.

Feed those who are hungry.

Give to those who are less fortunate than you.

I am sure I am leaving something out, but that shall do for now.  Please do not take the older generation in your family for granted - especially your grandparents.  Love them, listen to them, learn from them - trust me, you will be better for it.

Much Love,

Colie

tis the season

So I just noticed that it has been A LONG TIME since I last posted - a fact for which I apologize; however, this time of the year gets so incredibly busy for us.  It seems that the two weeks we get off for Christmas (working for a school system has its perks!) is busier than the school year.  Perhaps that is because Candace and I put off things such as errands or lunch dates with friends until we are out of school and end up needing a vacation for the vacation!  Okay so off the soap box for now... sorry sometimes I get a little caught up.

I am particularly excited about my family receiving the gifts we bought for them this year - I love to give presents.  This year we tapped into our crafty kathy sides as well as our love for all things vintage for inspiration for our gifts.  I will post more after Christmas as some of my family might actually read this, but I want to tell you about the gift we got for Poppy(what Madi calls our Dad!) as he doesn't have facebook.  We found this piece that we bought just because it looked interesting, and after some research found out that it is a valet stand similar to the one below but with a lighter wood finish.

He has this love for all things vintage as well, and I think/hope he will love it.  Isn't it fabulous?  I adore it.  It wasn't terribly expensive, but its something he will appreciate and use.  We try to give really meaningful and thoughtful gifts - something that makes us think of the person who is to receive the gift.  

Speaking of giving, our church is doing a series now called "Radical Generosity," and it has seriously challenged me to be more giving.  I know my first instinct and yours as well is to think of money, but its also other things - time, love, yourself.  I have personally been challenged to my very core and have made a commitment to begin this journey towards being more giving in every aspect of my life.  Every journey begins with simple steps, and mine has begun like this -

1.  Money - to be faithful with my tithes and a better steward of the monetary gifts entrusted to me because sometimes money is a vessel of grace of God for people.  Hold on before you think I am crazy - money is grace when you are out of work and need diapers and groceries, money is grace when people are starving half a world a way, and money is grace when you have no electricity and no money to pay the light bill, and on and on.  The grace of God often has very practical hands and feet.

2.  Love - to be more loving in general but specifically with my children at work.  It breaks my heart to think that I may be the only one who shows them love during the day. 

3. My Story - you can read all about the struggles and successes of my story in this blog, but I want to use my story to show people Christ - I am not sure exactly what that looks like in the day to day, other than this blog.

4.  Life - This story I have been given is not over, and I really want it to be a great story so I want each day to be with purpose and meaningful.  I am a firm believer that everything that happens to you is a tool  that you can use in your personal ministry/story.  The struggles I have been through were not pleasant at the moment, but I have been so incredibly blessed to be able share the lessons I have learned through them.  I want my life to be a blessing to others.

Now the LORD said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.

(Genesis 12:1-2 ESV)

words to express the heart

I have sat down to write a new post for the past few days, but I just couldn't find the words.  Well until now that is.  I think I may have found just a few words to express a tish bit of what's been going on in my heart and my head for the past few days.
  1. I miss my Mamaw.  I love the business that Candace and I have founded in her honor, and I love sharing her love with the world.  However, I would give it all away for more time with her.  This weekend, I was a little under the weather, and my mom put up some strawberry figs.  You may find this a strange combination, but it was exactly this combination that took my breath away.  Nothing made me feel better than the embrace of my Mamaw - something about that tight squeeze and the way she smelled made everything right in my world.  And there is nothing that reminds me of her more than canning fruit.  When we were little girls, Mamaw put up everything in cans.  She made blueberry, plum, peach, strawberry, and fig jams and jellies.  The scent of fruit cooking on the stove takes me back to that kitchen.  So as I sat at Mama and Daddy's house looking at a picture of Mamaw and Papaw with Mom and Candace were cooking the figs, I had to take a minute to fight back tears and emotions that came upon me faster than I ever expected.  Even now as I write this I am teary eyed and trying to hold it all in.
   2.  In all this sadness and pain of loss, I am reminded of just how awesome God is.  He is the God who has me and you "inscribed on the palms of His hands." (Is 49:16)  He is the God who sees what we are going through and says "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you - I have called you by name; You are MINE." (Is 43:1)  He is Jesus that needed to get away after the death of John the Baptist (Matt 14:13) and Jesus who wept at the passing of Lazarus (John 11).  So when I am sad and missing my Mamaw, I know that I serve a God who has been there and experienced those same emotions.  He does not demean or belittle your suffering nor does He tell you to just get over it, but He has compassion to the point that He suffers right along with you and me (Matt 14).  I don't know about you, but that is so completely comforting to me.
  3.  I think its okay to live in the painful moments for a time.  I remember bits and pieces of conversations either in movies or reality that stick with me, and one particular conversation was one that a doctor had with a patient that was experiencing great physical pain.  I can't tell you where or when this comes from. He told the patient to breathe in, relax, and really feel the pain.  That being tense and trying to avoid feeling the pain would actually hurt worse and longer than accepting you are in pain and relaxing into the pain.  I have found that this advice actually works.  Taking the waves of pain and sadness and breathing and relaxing and admitting that it hurts to miss someone brings intense relief for my soul.  You must ride the wave of pain but be okay with getting off - don't stay in the darkness and live in the pain until the point that you can no longer come out of it. There is a time and a SEASON for everything.  (Ecc 3)  Don't let the pain overtake your life.

I hope to live my life that honors the memory of my Mamaw and brings glory to the God who loves me and gets me.  I also hope that my pouring my heart out into this blog at least helps one person.