My Story - part one

If I am honest, I have been ready to tell this story for a few weeks, but I have struggled with how to tell you this story.  I think the lessons I have learned through this story are sometimes drowned out by the serious, frightening logistical details of the story.  My prayer is that through telling it this way, you will see the amazingly powerful Hand of God active and alive in my story.

I read somewhere that even Judas was part of the plan.  God used the betrayal of a friend that led to death on the cross to redeem us, and I have to believe that He uses the very worst of our circumstances to redeem and sanctify us.  We don't get to see His Hand in the moment, but it can become apparent in hindsight.  In the book Esther when the Jewish people were threatened, Mordecai tells Esther that perhaps she was queen "for such a time as this."  God put things into motion long before Esther was even thought of.

 Maybe, just maybe God had aligned things in my life to lead to this place, to share this story with you.  It began with a job relocation - teaching in Smith County.  That's right, teaching.  Can we say dream fulfilled?But with every dream comes sacrifices, namely a 35 minute drive from my home in Jones County.  A new car helped with the gas mileage - it was a Chevy Cruze and beautiful.  I loved my car and my job - I was pretty much a happy Beaty girl.

Next came the wedding - Candace (sister/best buddy/roommate) and Brent (then fiance/now husband/awesome man) were getting married which allowed me  to consider moving closer to my job.  Through Facebook and some helpful hints, I found the cutest little 3 bedroom house right over the Smith county line and an entire 7 minutes from work.  It was perfect - Candace and I made arrangements to move just a month before the wedding.  I was excited to be a country mouse with space after many years in the city in an apartment building with people surrounding you ALL THE TIME. The front yard has one of the most amazing views of the night sky.  Through this time, God began leading me through Psalms.  It felt like He was breathing new life and fresh air and love into my soul.

I felt safe and secure - life was beautiful.

About two weeks into living in my new, super cute, country house, I was home alone on a Thursday night which in and of itself is something of a unicorn.  We usually have Thursday night dinner as a family, but Dad had diabetic class so we moved it to a different night.  Because we had a free night, Candace and Brent were working on their home as the wedding was just weeks away.  A night at home alone to watch TV, relax, regroup was particularly appealing to me.  If you know me at all, you know that I quite enjoy my alone time.

It was this night, at home, alone when all of my safety and securtiy and beauty went straight through the bedroom window.  Coincidentally, it was the same bedroom window that the police believe to be the entry point for the strange man who came into my home with a gun and kidnapped me.  This man became the Judas in my story - it led to the biggest change in my life which felt very much like a death of something. For a long time, I was angry at this man that obliterated my security, and I still have moments of anger when something scares me.  However, these moments don't last long when I return to my plum line of God's word and realize that it was His Hand and His Plan that led me to that moment and brought me safely through.  But that's the next part of this story...

a list, whitney, and lessons

Well... it's Sunday.  The last day of the weekend.  The time to prepare for the week ahead.  Tonight, I have so many random thoughts running through my head, and I really need to put them somewhere else other than scrambling through my thought processes.  So, get ready - here it goes...

1.  The passing of Whitney Houston breaks my heart and leaves a certain sadness.  The funeral was on tv yesterday, and every other channel is playing some sort of tribute to Whitney.  You know you have certain people or specific songs or smells associated with big moments in your life - well Whitney Houston and her music is very much associated with my adolescence.  I remember hearing the controversy behind her film - The Bodyguard.  I remember the first time I heard her duet with Mariah Carey - When You Believe.  Her voice left everyone speechless and was such an incredible gift.  I read in a book once that anything good in a person is evidence of God's image that we were created in, and I think that people, like Whitney Houston, who have such incredible gifts of music, grace or kindness have a little more of that evidence of Him in them and end up leaving this world far before we would like simply because they are not fit for it.

2.  This morning's message at church was on depending on God to use your weaknesses instead of relying on your own strengths.  This is a lesson that has been hard for me to process in the past and one that I continue to learn day by day.  I am infinitely aware of weaknesses and God's power on a daily basis at work, but for some reason I seem to leave out some areas of my life when I consider how powerful God is in my life.  *A HA MOMENT*  I have recently been very convicted for the care I take of my personal temple - my body.  This is the area that seems most daunting for me as it is an area in which I have consistently struggled.  It is a self-control issue, and biblical self-control is turning every struggle over to God.  This is something I cannot do on my own; therefore, I require God's power and discipline.  Wow, this is so incredibly freeing for me.  I feel strongly that this an area of worship for me that I am neglecting, and I have worried about it immensely.  However, it is not through my own power or for my own glory, but through His power and for His glory will I take better care of my body.

3.  Also this morning, we talked about living a good story.  I think about the life Whitney Houston lived - one of incredible success but marred by horrific struggles and a tragic finality.  I don't want a boring story, but at the same time I want my exciting story to be for something bigger than myself and my tiny part of the world.  I want it to matter.  Now I know there will be failures and tragedies along the way, but through every failure, a lesson learned and through every tragedy, grace to fight another day.  I want this story and this life to bring glory to God.

Living

So this past week has been a painful time in the life of our church family - I say family because I have never felt so at home in a church until now.  And I have never really seen a group of people care about each other on this level ever - in my entire life.  I have already written a post dedicated to the family, so I will not go into it again.  I really want to share with you some of the things I have learned through this and over the past weeks.

1. Life is short.  The days are not promised, so live every one you are given intentionally, with purpose.  God created you for a purpose - to love Him and love people.  Find out how that looks in your/my (I am talking to myself also) life and go to it!
2. The experiences of your life serve a purpose.  Every experience you have is an opportunity for your life to bring glory to God and/or prepare you for a ministry moment.  June 2010 I lost my Mamaw - it was one of the most trying experiences of my life to say the very least.  However, I now live my life differently, I see things differently, I speak to people differently, and I relate to people differently.  To look at my neighbor and say I know where you are, I have been there is part of where I find some of my ministry/giving opportunities these days.  What you and I do and how we react to life can not only affect us but millions of people around us.
3. Love - it is the only thing that means anything.  The two greatest commandments are to LOVE God and to LOVE people.  Put aside the stupid stuff, the excuses, the arguments, and just love.
4. I used to think that I needed this list of "big things" in my life to happen for me to truly be happy and start living.  But I am the girl who had to figure out what you when the list is thrown out the window and the big things haven't happened yet.  My answer - to truly live and be happy in the little things because somehow the seemingly little things add up to some big things.  I find joy in little moments and little things God has given me.  Yes my life may look different than most girls my age, but I am okay with that.  I never really liked being like everyone else.
5. There is something incredibly beautiful in a life lived on purpose for a purpose greater than oneself.
6. Finally, be you.  The you that you were created to be - not the poor attempt at the person someone else was created to be.

I want to leave you with this song by Gungor.  It's an amazing song and it just gets better after the words stop.  It makes me feel like I am running towards God and after I get there I can accomplish anything!

beautiful things

So sorry I have been a little silent lately - we have been in the process of moving and are just now getting most of our things back to order!  In this moving process, I have been reminded of a few things that I would like very much to share with you in hopes that you might need a little reminder!

1.  God is good - we have learned that He is good through some pretty painful times in our lives, so to see blessings and love and promises fulfilled in good times is simply beautiful.  This move and everything surrounding the transition has been such a blessing from God.
2.  We need people - moving is tough no matter what situation you find yourself, but moving two girls and a small business would be almost impossible by yourself.  Candace and I were completely awestruck as the friends and family from our church kept coming with able bodies and vehicles to help us move this past Saturday.  Literally, loading everything, transport, and unloading took 2 hours!  We are incredibly blessed by these people and their friendship!  Thank you just seems inadequate to express just how incredibly grateful we are while at the same time I cannot find any other words to suffice.  So from the bottom of our hearts, THANK YOU!  Also, Candace and I have some pretty incredible family, and words cannot express how much we love them and thank God for them.  I think my sisters and I have such a passion for kids because we have such amazing parents that welcome anyone and everyone into their home and love them unconditionally.  When I think of what family and home and love are supposed to look like, I think of them - George and Joyce Beaty!
3.  Life is a process, a journey that includes mountain tops and valleys.  As previously mentioned in various posts, we have shed our fair share of tears over the past few years; however, I honestly would not trade the lessons learned through these fires for anything in the world.  I truly believe that we are supposed to go through these trials or fires because it is through trials and fires that refinement and transformation takes place.  I also believe that it is extremely difficult to appreciate the mountain tops without learning the lessons in the valleys.

Well, I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!  If you don't have someone to spend Thanksgiving with, let me know and you can come to ours!  I thought I would share a couple of songs with you that I really love and that have really touched my heart and life!  I hope you enjoy!

Gungor - "Beautiful Things"

John Mark McMillan - "How He Loves"

sanctuary

So the idea of "seeking sanctuary" is one that has fascinated me for many years (I am a nerd, moving on)!  If you are not familiar with this idea, allow me to explain a bit.  "Seeking sanctuary" is the idea of those who are oppressed or persecuted because of political or religious beliefs seeking asylum or sanctuary in a church or a country offering asylum.  Some countries, including our own, still offer asylum or a safe place for those who are refugees, but seeking sanctuary was most prominent in Medieval Europe.  Many churches had a "sanctuary ring" on the doors to be allowed into the church.  I am not exactly sure why this has fascinated me for so long, but I have always felt safe at church and liked the idea of seeking refuge in a safe place.  Now I love old churches - they are just so comforting.  In fact I kind of picture God as an old church sometimes - one that has been in the community for centuries, where the pastor knows your name and entire family history, where the interior is that incredible mix of comfort and awe, and where the hushed sound of a whisper is life-changing.

This morning our pastor talked about anxiety and how to biblically deal with anxiety!  Sometimes I think he must know what I am thinking or what I am dealing with because it hits so close to home.  But I know that is the Holy Spirit speaking through him and God knows me inside out. You should really check out the sermons - they are amazing and you can watch them here.  Anyways, he talked about Paul's exhortation and instructions to the church at Philippi in Philippians 4,  and it rocked my world.  

         ⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. ⁵Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; ⁶ do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 ⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. ⁹What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. 

 Rejoice in the Lord always is not something that has come easily to me in the past.  To be really honest I kind of skipped over this part of Philippians 4 because it seemed so cliché and insincere to me because I never thought it was possible to really rejoice in the Lord always.  First of all my idea of rejoice (be happy) is completely wrong, and also my idea of God and His character was little.  A few years ago, I found myself without a teaching job and without anything else to tell me who I was.  I was lost.  I was disappointed with God and my faith.  I thought I had done something wrong in the formula of me + follow rules = God adhering to my plan and needed to start over.  I had no idea where to go next.  But in the midst of my pain and grief there came a quiet voice saying “be still.”  So I began to listen and out of the stillness came love and grace.  The God of the Universe was pursuing me and wanted me to know Him and His character.  He wanted to be my everything.  So I began with getting to know Him – Kay Arthur’s study of God’s names will rock your world – I am proof.  And through knowing God, I learned how to worship God where I am, to align my plan with His, and to find joy in His presence even when things are not going my way.

This idea of finding sanctuary in a church – the church would be a refuge, a safe place for those who were oppressed.   I feel like I have found that idea of sanctuary in truth, a firm foundation in knowing more about God’s character.  My sanctuary is God – He is my safe place and my refuge!           

Favorite Things

Okay so the past several days, I have been addicted to Spice Girls radio on Pandora because it plays all the 90's pop that takes me straight back to middle and high school!  I love this song and the video is really cute too!  So thought I would share!  Also thought I would share a list of my favorite things - because you know I love a list and I am in a really good mood!

1.  Brit is having a baby girl and naming her Daisy Claire after our Mamaw!!! I get kinda teary eyed just talking about it!  (Nothing new)
2.  We have had several places that are not typically known for their hospitality have been so very nice to us lately! Directv, Wal-Mart, Payless are among the companies that have taken care of us!
3.  The weather is perfect fall weather right now - a little chilly perfect for a cute sweater!
4.  God is teaching me so very much right now in Bible Study!
5.  I have a job that I love which is such a blessing especially when you know what its like not to have a job at all much less a job you love!

"Therefore, we exult in tribulation because we know that tribulation produces perseverance, and perseverance produces character, and character produces hope.  And it is a hope that does not disappoint because it being poured out through the love of Jesus Christ." - Romans 5:3-5

I have held onto the promises in this verse for my life's breath for the past few years, and to see it come to fruition and feel that hope that does not disappoint leaves me completely awestruck!  

Have a blessed day!

a girl and a unicorn

Okay so the past two weeks have been so very busy as it seems that everything is happening at the same time! But during this time, I found a little inspiration from two of my favorite shows - "Glee" and "The New Girl."  Last week's episode of Glee was titled "I Am Unicorn"! I won't give too much away because you need to watch it, but one of the characters gives the other one a pep talk which begins the phrase "you are a unicorn."  (Paraphrasing here)  I know what you are thinking, no one wants to be called a unicorn - it's a little weird, but hang with me for a minute.  This character goes on to say that a unicorn is something or someone with magic inside them that is not afraid to let it out as a unicorn without that one horn is just a horse like every other horse.  I think we all have something special or magic or whatever inside of us, but we are afraid for whatever reason to let the magic be seen.
Last night, we were watching "The New Girl" with Zooey Deschanel whom I absolutely adore.  Anyway, Zooey's character Jess is asked by her roommates to suppress who is she is in order to be a date for one of them to a wedding and make the ex jealous.  Now Jess is usually completely original and goofy, and the suppression only lasted a little while.  At the end of the show, Jess tells her roommates that she is and will be exactly who she is!  She let her magic and personality be seen - she is a unicorn.
So often, some sort of idea on television will strike a chord with me and I end up dwelling on these things. Just a little heads up, that is exactly what happened with this which will hopefully make sense to someone else out there!  I suppose my first thought was "would people see me as a unicorn" to which my initial response was no, and if no then why not.  After some searching, I think I may have something of an answer.  When I was in eighth grade, my favorite teacher told the class that we did not need to tell people how smart we are because then people will expect too much from you.  Now I don't know the context of why she said this, and I adore this teacher because most of the things she said still have a profoundly positive effect on me today.  However, I think this may have had a profoundly negative effect on the girl I was in eighth grade.  I think this along with many insecurities and the hostile environment known as middle and high school began a long process of suppressing who I really am. I am a nerd, school always came easy to me - I like to study and find out new things and I like to share what I find.  Not in a snobby, i-know-this-and-you-don't kind of way but I-know-this-and-you-should-to way!  So for someone to say that I needed to keep this in sent a powerful message to me at a young age, but as I have grown up and become more aware of the person God made me to be, my ideal has changed.
I believe that God made us all unique with a specific purpose to fulfill.  I also believe that we all have some kind of magic or story inside of us that if we let it show makes us all  unicorns.  But we have let it out, don't keep it all in.  Be that unicorn and be proud of who God made you to be.  Don't keep the magic inside and be content to look like the cookie-cutter expectation that society throws at you!  I believe that the only people who have ever changed the world were unicorns in their own way - people with magic inside them that were not afraid to let it show! 

Elizabeth Elliot and "I Got This"

Okay so this week has been insanely busy and crazy and hectic and it's only Tuesday, and I didn't get to do an accessories' Monday post.  I promise to make it up to you - well the two of you who read this!

I did want to share what I have learned lately!  First a little backstory - Candace and I went to a Bible Study that one of the ladies in our church does once a month.  This is serious stuff - homework and everything!  I must be honest - the nerd that I am was a little excited about the homework.  I like researching and getting into things on my own.  I have a theory that you truly can't "own" something until you have wrestled with it and gotten your hands dirty.  By owning something I just mean taking a little piece of information and studying it and forming your own opinions and your own response to this information.  So everyone was given a few words/phrases to look up and wrestle with, and then each of us were given a different Christian woman to "google."  I must admit that google is my obsession - you can find everything there!

So one of our phrases/ideas to study was the Sovereignty of God.  Now I am a nerd, but I will never understand completely every idea in the Bible.  However, that does not mean I am going to sit idly by and say it is too difficult.  Shelly gave us a list of verses that deal with what God is Sovereign over.  **This is a little free tidbit, sovereign means that God is "Most High" - most high over what you might ask.  Well... maybe you should google or ask Shelly for her favorite handouts!** Anyway one of the verses was Luke 12:6-7 which tells us that God holds that sparrows in flight and knows the number of hairs on our heads therefore we are not to fear because we are more valuable than sparrows.  (Love this) I like to call this little nugget and the idea of God's Sovereignty the "I GOT THIS" idea because I kind of feel like this is one of those messages that He knows I need sometimes.  I like plans, and I like to know the plans, and sometimes most of the time I like to make the plans especially if the plans pertain to me and my life.  So yeah that whole idea of surrender - I struggle with it. Front Street.  So I kind of have this scene in my head where I approach this male person with my plans as to how my life should go - to which He turns His head and tells me, "I got this!"  Every book I read plays out like a movie in my head so naturally this happens when I read the Bible, but when I read certain parts of the Bible I kind of take it into my life and language like a conversation between me and God.  It helps - try it.

The Christian lady I was assigned to google and get to know was Elizabeth Elliot - knew her story but not much else!  So I googled her and what pops up but a list of quotes - one of my favorite things!  And she obviously understood the "I got this" idea a little much better than me and was able to apply it practically to her life as her life is fascinating and tragic yet hopeful and joyful.  I thought I would leave you with a couple of her quotes ( I must say she is pretty high on my list right now)

"The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of christian, but the fact that I am a Christian makes me a different kind of woman."

"If my life is surrendered to God, all is well.  Let me not grab it back, as though it were in peril but would be safer in mine." --"I Got This!"

9/11 & accessories monday

So yesterday was September 11th - the infamous ten year anniversary of the horrible attacks on America at NYC, the Pentagon, and the field in PA.  When I was a little girl, I remember my parents and grandparents talking about remembering where they were when they first heard of major events such as D-Day, Pearl Harbor, JFK assassination, etc.  I never really imagined having such an experience; however, I remember as though it were yesterday that I was sitting in first period Accelerated English my senior year in high school with Mrs. Dillard when Mrs. Parker came running in the room telling her to turn on the radio because something bad had happened.  I also remember watching the plane hit the second tower on the tv we rigged to work in Mrs. Taylor's German class.  I remember my heart hurting for the people that lost family in the tragic events, I remember being scared for my own family and friends, and I remember being to proud to be an American when I saw the heroism of the first responders, firefighters, paramedics, police officers, and ordinary citizens.

Yesterday on the tenth anniversary, I was incredibly sad at the sheer loss of life - somehow the numbers hit me in the gut to this day. This time, I also felt like I could relate a little to those who had lost loved ones.  I am not saying that I have in anyway the same experience, but I understand and empathize losing someone you love to circumstances beyond my control.  As I watched the coverage of the three memorial services, I missed my Mamaw more than I have in a long time.  That day ten years ago, I was scared but my personal security felt very much intact because I had everyone I loved and made me feel safe.  Today without my Mamaw, I felt a little less secure - she was part of the family fortitude that provided love, security, and safety.  Perhaps that is the tiniest smidge of what the families of the victims of the terrorist attacks ten years ago felt.  We are all united in pain, suffering, and loss as it is no respecter of persons small or great, rich or poor, young or old.

The sadness hits me at times, and then I take a look around at the family I still have around and all the blessings.  I can't complain because I am blessed beyond measure.  So I decided to lighten things around here, I would share with you the second installment of "accessories monday." 

Simple white tee and blue jeans w/ flower scarf, bow bobby pin, earrings, and sweater

Scarf - Clearance @ Cato

Earrings - A Daisy A Day

Bow Bobby Pin - A Daisy A Day

I think I get it from this lady!

Brown Blazer over Cami, White Skirt w/ red belt and red shoes! She is just so stylish!

something new

Not very long ago I graduated from college ready to be a licensed teacher - I thought I had everything figured out.  I wanted to come home(from Blue Mountain College to Laurel) and find a job around here where I could teach high school history.  I had this idea of what I wanted life to look like.  I would be a successful high school teacher that changed lives and then after a few years I would get a Master's and teach college history classes.  I would eventually get married, buy a house, a car and have 2.2 children.

HOWEVER....

God had a very different idea of what this life would look like.  The "Readers' Digest" version is that this process of Him molding me was is a very painful process on my end.  I am stubborn, I like plans and lists and security.  Instead, I found myself not knowing the plan, not marking things off my lists, and without security.  God had to bring me pretty low so that I would know what its like to HAVE TO depend on Him absolutely for everything.  But when I did, oh wow, was it the most amazing feeling and best foundation I could ever have.  I am a firm believer in experience being the best teacher as I am a tactile learner.  Basically, I have to make the mistake before I will believe it won't work.  But I would go through it all over again because through  it I have learned so much about God and myself which has led(slowly) to me loving both God and myself and others more than I ever have.  It is only when you have a correct understanding of who God is can you really have a correct understanding of who you are and how you relate to the other 6 billion people on this planet.  

So now I work at Laurel Christian Pre-School - I am the director of the After-School Program there.  To say that I love my job is a gross understatement.  Instead of teaching 100+ kids who have attitudes I now have 25+ kids who have attitudes.  :)  I have a great group of kids that I love - honestly love them.  Also I am working in an environment that sees everything through a lens that asks is what I am doing bringing glory to God.  I also have a little time to work on "A Daisy A Day" - the creative venture that might not have happened if not for my detour.  I am still not married, but I figure that will come when God is ready for it to.  

I felt I had to share this "daisy" with you because I am happy.  I realized that all the pain and all the trials were to bring me to this point of relinquishing monetary security and self-reliance for a life of adventure and a big story.  I want to live a great story and I want that story to bring glory to God.  ***Little tidbit of information for you - glory means giving a correct estimation of!!!  How awesome is that?  My life is meant to give others a correct estimation of who God really is - a daunting task but He is helping me with that.  I am not sure that you will really understand the power of this revelation in my life, but being happy and at peace with where I am and who I am is definitely something new in my life.

reflection

Okay, so yesterday I was in a crappy mood, and as I believe in sharing, everyone knew I was in a crappy mood.  I was mean, sarcastic, and pretty much the worst version of myself.  It was not pretty at all.  Well to recover from the B!+*#% attitude I had, I stayed home by myself last night while Candace went to church.  Just as she was pulling out of the driveway to give me my time alone, the weather went south and I found myself wishing I was no longer by myself.  Isn't life always that way? We finally get what we want and we realize we don't want it anymore.  But I digress.  It wasn't long before it stopped thundering and lightning (Bipolar Southern Summer Weather), and I began to decompress and unwind.  I can't tell you why I chose yesterday to tap into the inner 7th grade girl, but a little alone time seemed just the trick to cure me of that.

So first and foremost, I am sorry for yesterday.  Second, I was perusing a blog that I recently found and love written by a very talented local business-woman and stumbled upon this post. It was the wake-up call/slap in the face I needed and deserved after yesterday.  I began to think not about this mood, but about what I am thankful for and the good things that have happened lately.  I was quickly humbled and embarrassed.  So I wanted to leave you with a few things that remind me not to be witchy.

* My family is amazing - I have the best parents in the world that are a continual blessing. They literally rock!
* Candace - my sister and business partner who is also my best friend.  Her talent continues to astonish me.
* A Daisy A Day - the business feels like a blessing God just dropped into our lives that allows us to be creative and make a little money as well!
* Mona Lisa's Boutique - the business we work in and live in the back that lets us pay rent and eat (the rent is ridiculously inexpensive!!!)  And Mona, the owner, is one of our best friends.
*Our church - CrossPointe Community Church!!! Such a healing place that allows us to be exactly who are - no masks, no facades.  It's amazing!  If you don't have a church home, come check us out!

I could go on and on and on, but I will stop for now!  I hope you all have a great, non-B!+*#Y day!

Much love!