stop and smell the coffee!

Well hello friends!  I hope you don't mind, I kind of like addressing this post as if we are all old friends simply picking up where we last left off.  The Christmas season is upon us, and I am so very excited!  It's my favorite time of year, and bonus - it actually has felt like winter here in South MS for more than a few hours straight this year.  Most of the time we have this slightly bipolar weather pattern that can fluctuate between summer and freezing in the same day five minutes!

So this particular season has been extremely hectic and so very busy for us - at this moment I am quite frustrated at this fact.  I am very careful in what I commit to because I like to give 100% to very few things rather than 25% to several things.  I am not sure if that makes sense to anyone but my me and my parents because they are the ones who taught that to me.  I would really like to scream right now, but I can't because I have to work!  So after work and after small group and after I buy coffee creamer, if you see me screaming outside my apartment don't be alarmed.  I will be okay after I scream!

I feel like the first two paragraphs are completely at opposite ends of the spectrum, and that is exactly what is the problem.  I love this time of year - it is the perfect time to stop, smell the coffee(with your creamer), and enjoy the days, but its like I don't have time to go to the bathroom much less smell the coffee before I attach the I.V. filled with it to my arm!

Okay, I know that was a tish dramatic but you get the point.  I am tired of being busy, and I really feel like that's not God's best for us.  He created rest for a reason, and I truly believe that busyness can be a tactic of the Devil.  Busyness is usually a bunch of less important things meant to distract you from what is really important and what your ultimate goal is.  For example, this week is supposed to be a fun week for my kids celebrating the birth of Jesus and preparing for Christmas holidays; instead, I am exhausted from busyness, my nerves are frayed, and I am frustrated.

So I go back to a couple of my favorite verses that get me through life.

"Cease striving, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, and I will be exalted in the Earth." - Psalm 46:10 

  When I saw their fear, I rose and spoke to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people: “Do not be afraid of them; remember the Lord who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives and your houses.” - Nehemiah 4:14

The entire Psalm 46 is an "I got this" psalm for me, and Nehemiah is just wonderful!  

Okay, now I feel better.  I do apologize that you readers have to see the inner workings of my catharsis, but this blog does help me process things and deal.  So I hope you have an outlet for your frustrations, and I pray that we all can stop and enjoy the season!

Confessions

So I am not exactly sure that I could live with zero contact from the outside world, but I am positive that I do require bits of time of that zero contact.  Yes ladies and gents, I think if you would google introvert you would find a picture of me (hopefully it is a good one!).  Couple that with coming from a long line of quite independent, strong minded women means that I consider myself not really needing anyone to help me with anything.  In fact, I become quite irritated with myself when I realize that I need someone.  For me needing someone means that they had come incredibly too close - a dangerous thought because they would inevitably fail, let me down.  And that would hurt.  Too much.

Until very recently, I was okay with keeping people at a distance and even prided myself on my independent nature.  Like I said, until recently that is.  It seems that with each new study and with each new introduction into the character of God, pieces of the facade and old nature are pinpointed so that they can be removed. The more I study and the more I learn, the more I see this independence to the point of isolation is actually quite a sinful attitude that I struggle with.  God created us for community - we are created to NEED people in our lives.  Punch.  In my stomach.  Okay... I am catching my breath.  Now I just love the way God works, and He obviously felt this was a lesson I had to hear as it has been a recurring theme in our series in church.  John, our "ninja pastor," even admitted to struggling with this at times.  It is quite ironic to me at this very moment that it helps to know I am not alone in this fight.

"Human beings are simply not designed to function in isolation" - from Multiply by Francis Chan and David Platt - a book we are reading through in our small groups at church.  The premise of the book is that if we call ourselves followers, believers, students of Christ, then we are to be "disciple makers."  You can't be a disciple maker if you are isolated as this process is something that happens through relationships with other believers.  Perhaps this hit me like a ton of bricks simply because I quite enjoy isolation at times or because I feel like God has called me to be a teacher, to share what He has taught me.  I think part of it is that I really want my life to mean something for Him - to be more than the sum of its parts, to be pleasing to Him.  

Now for the difficult part, which is not simply admitting it to a bunch of strangers or even friends.  The hard part is implementing changes demanded when I realize something separates me from God and makes it impossible to live a life pleasing to Him.  I am not completely sure what all this will entail, but I do know that it means opening my heart to the people around me, letting them in even if it does not end well.  That most certainly will be the hard part.

Are there others out there like me?  Do you struggle with letting people in?  I would love to hear from you!