My Story - part one

If I am honest, I have been ready to tell this story for a few weeks, but I have struggled with how to tell you this story.  I think the lessons I have learned through this story are sometimes drowned out by the serious, frightening logistical details of the story.  My prayer is that through telling it this way, you will see the amazingly powerful Hand of God active and alive in my story.

I read somewhere that even Judas was part of the plan.  God used the betrayal of a friend that led to death on the cross to redeem us, and I have to believe that He uses the very worst of our circumstances to redeem and sanctify us.  We don't get to see His Hand in the moment, but it can become apparent in hindsight.  In the book Esther when the Jewish people were threatened, Mordecai tells Esther that perhaps she was queen "for such a time as this."  God put things into motion long before Esther was even thought of.

 Maybe, just maybe God had aligned things in my life to lead to this place, to share this story with you.  It began with a job relocation - teaching in Smith County.  That's right, teaching.  Can we say dream fulfilled?But with every dream comes sacrifices, namely a 35 minute drive from my home in Jones County.  A new car helped with the gas mileage - it was a Chevy Cruze and beautiful.  I loved my car and my job - I was pretty much a happy Beaty girl.

Next came the wedding - Candace (sister/best buddy/roommate) and Brent (then fiance/now husband/awesome man) were getting married which allowed me  to consider moving closer to my job.  Through Facebook and some helpful hints, I found the cutest little 3 bedroom house right over the Smith county line and an entire 7 minutes from work.  It was perfect - Candace and I made arrangements to move just a month before the wedding.  I was excited to be a country mouse with space after many years in the city in an apartment building with people surrounding you ALL THE TIME. The front yard has one of the most amazing views of the night sky.  Through this time, God began leading me through Psalms.  It felt like He was breathing new life and fresh air and love into my soul.

I felt safe and secure - life was beautiful.

About two weeks into living in my new, super cute, country house, I was home alone on a Thursday night which in and of itself is something of a unicorn.  We usually have Thursday night dinner as a family, but Dad had diabetic class so we moved it to a different night.  Because we had a free night, Candace and Brent were working on their home as the wedding was just weeks away.  A night at home alone to watch TV, relax, regroup was particularly appealing to me.  If you know me at all, you know that I quite enjoy my alone time.

It was this night, at home, alone when all of my safety and securtiy and beauty went straight through the bedroom window.  Coincidentally, it was the same bedroom window that the police believe to be the entry point for the strange man who came into my home with a gun and kidnapped me.  This man became the Judas in my story - it led to the biggest change in my life which felt very much like a death of something. For a long time, I was angry at this man that obliterated my security, and I still have moments of anger when something scares me.  However, these moments don't last long when I return to my plum line of God's word and realize that it was His Hand and His Plan that led me to that moment and brought me safely through.  But that's the next part of this story...

grace and truth

Audrey Hepburn once said, "people, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone."  I love Audrey Hepburn as an actress, and I love that she seemed very intelligent and very honest.  Many of her quotes have become some of my favorites.

I have never in my life felt the truth in these words more than I do at this time in my life. Sometimes, I feel like I throw people out of my life as though I am tossing out the trash after organizing.  I think maybe I am being convicted of this habit and God is changing my heart for people.  It literally breaks my heart to think of someone tossing me out of their life for whatever reason, and I detest the idea that I might have made someone in my life feel like that.  I am at a loss for words to describe the ache in my heart for my actions. This morning in church, our pastor talked about loving as Christ loved, and Christ loved with equal amounts of grace (I love you) and truth (you are a sinner). (Reference is John 1:14)  He referred to this balance of grace and truth as a beautiful tension - a tension I must admit I have felt in my own life.  I am learning that while I yearn for Christ to extend grace exclusive of truth to me, I often extend truth exclusive of grace to the people around me.  Hence the breaking of my heart and heavy conviction...

Grace is messy because love is messy.  I think truth is very clear cut and easier than grace.  To me grace means taking time and making efforts to look beyond myself and my pain - a difficult and messy task. But if I am to be a disciple of Christ which is my ultimate goal, then there must be this coexistence of both grace and truth - this tension that never needs resolving.  Being reminded of the grace Christ has shown me is just another layer to the thoughts I have wrestled with this week and weekend.

I know that we as people cannot redeem someone's soul - only Jesus can do that.  However, I believe that we can reclaim them - we can reach out to restore relationships.  We can allow them to be redeemed in our eyes; a feat I am convinced is often more difficult than we care to admit because it means looking at people who have hurt us, disappointed us, betrayed us and seeing them the way Christ sees them and us.  I like what John, our pastor, said about this - grace does not make sin okay or acceptable to God, it pays for the sin.

Romans 5:8 states, "That God demonstrated His love towards us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

How can I measure people not worth the time and effort to extend both grace and truth when Christ died to extend both grace and truth to me?  I want people to see Christ in me which means showing both love (grace and truth) to those I interact with.  It also means repentance for those times when I failed to live as I should and to love as I have been instructed to love.

I hope this post makes you ask questions, and I pray that our world knows the full love of Christ.

money and me

"No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth."

Matthew 6:24 NASB

I can tell you that I have read this verse many times, and I have heard many messages from different pastors involving this passage.  However, like so many other things in my life, I never REALLY understood its meaning until I experienced it.  Everything in this world, tells us hold on to our money with all our might especially now that times are hard, but everything I have come across dealing with authentic Christ-following behavior commands giving - tithing, offering, etc.  Tithing is considered  a part of one's worship of God, and a part that I must admit was a struggle for me.  I have this mentality that I hate to run out of something - we have went through some difficult times where we didn't know if/when/how we would get to replace something if it ran out.  

So I suppose giving away money when I know it will be another month before we get another paycheck is difficult for me, but I have been SO VERY convicted of this lately.  It's part of this entire being-a-better-steward thing that I have been trying to do this year.  I have been praying, studying the Word, keeping a prayer journal all in the goal of aligning my life and my heart with God's heart and Word.  Through this has come this extreme dislike for money and the idea of being tied to money.  The more I  love God and the more I know about Him, the more I dislike money.  I felt like I was almost defining myself by the money I had or letting money dictate my life.  To be quite honest, I hated the idea that I allowed money to have that much power over me.  Malachi 3 was the punch in the gut that confirmed what I knew - I needed to tithe.

8“Will a man rob God? Yet you are robbing Me! But you say, ‘How have we robbed You?’ In tithes and offerings. 9“You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing Me, the whole nation of you! 10“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this,” says the LORDof hosts, “if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows. 11“Then I will rebuke the devourer for you, so that it will not destroy the fruits of the ground; nor will your vine in the field cast its grapes,” says the LORD of hosts. 12“All the nations will call you blessed, for you shall be a delightful land,” says the LORD of hosts."

So Candace (my sister/best friend/accountability partner) and I just decided that we didn't care what the numbers said or our fears of not having enough money for the month - we stepped out on faith and gave.  And I can't tell you all the blessings we have received in just the short time since we did.  I believe the main thing for me though was feeling like I had let go of something that God had been commanding me to put down - it was a break-through for me.  To know that even though I make mistakes and even though I fail every day, I am moving in the right direction makes all the difference in the world.  It felt wonderful to trust God to be my Jehovah-Jireh - my provider!  

He is true to His Word and is my Provider!  I am in awe of His love and His grace when I think of how He has blessed us.  I pray that you know God and that you trust Him to be your Provider.  I don't know what He may be asking you to trust Him in, but I pray that you do.  I just can't find sufficient words to describe how amazing God is and has been and continues to be to my family.

Much Love,

Colie

tis the season

So I just noticed that it has been A LONG TIME since I last posted - a fact for which I apologize; however, this time of the year gets so incredibly busy for us.  It seems that the two weeks we get off for Christmas (working for a school system has its perks!) is busier than the school year.  Perhaps that is because Candace and I put off things such as errands or lunch dates with friends until we are out of school and end up needing a vacation for the vacation!  Okay so off the soap box for now... sorry sometimes I get a little caught up.

I am particularly excited about my family receiving the gifts we bought for them this year - I love to give presents.  This year we tapped into our crafty kathy sides as well as our love for all things vintage for inspiration for our gifts.  I will post more after Christmas as some of my family might actually read this, but I want to tell you about the gift we got for Poppy(what Madi calls our Dad!) as he doesn't have facebook.  We found this piece that we bought just because it looked interesting, and after some research found out that it is a valet stand similar to the one below but with a lighter wood finish.

He has this love for all things vintage as well, and I think/hope he will love it.  Isn't it fabulous?  I adore it.  It wasn't terribly expensive, but its something he will appreciate and use.  We try to give really meaningful and thoughtful gifts - something that makes us think of the person who is to receive the gift.  

Speaking of giving, our church is doing a series now called "Radical Generosity," and it has seriously challenged me to be more giving.  I know my first instinct and yours as well is to think of money, but its also other things - time, love, yourself.  I have personally been challenged to my very core and have made a commitment to begin this journey towards being more giving in every aspect of my life.  Every journey begins with simple steps, and mine has begun like this -

1.  Money - to be faithful with my tithes and a better steward of the monetary gifts entrusted to me because sometimes money is a vessel of grace of God for people.  Hold on before you think I am crazy - money is grace when you are out of work and need diapers and groceries, money is grace when people are starving half a world a way, and money is grace when you have no electricity and no money to pay the light bill, and on and on.  The grace of God often has very practical hands and feet.

2.  Love - to be more loving in general but specifically with my children at work.  It breaks my heart to think that I may be the only one who shows them love during the day. 

3. My Story - you can read all about the struggles and successes of my story in this blog, but I want to use my story to show people Christ - I am not sure exactly what that looks like in the day to day, other than this blog.

4.  Life - This story I have been given is not over, and I really want it to be a great story so I want each day to be with purpose and meaningful.  I am a firm believer that everything that happens to you is a tool  that you can use in your personal ministry/story.  The struggles I have been through were not pleasant at the moment, but I have been so incredibly blessed to be able share the lessons I have learned through them.  I want my life to be a blessing to others.

Now the LORD said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.

(Genesis 12:1-2 ESV)

Living

So this past week has been a painful time in the life of our church family - I say family because I have never felt so at home in a church until now.  And I have never really seen a group of people care about each other on this level ever - in my entire life.  I have already written a post dedicated to the family, so I will not go into it again.  I really want to share with you some of the things I have learned through this and over the past weeks.

1. Life is short.  The days are not promised, so live every one you are given intentionally, with purpose.  God created you for a purpose - to love Him and love people.  Find out how that looks in your/my (I am talking to myself also) life and go to it!
2. The experiences of your life serve a purpose.  Every experience you have is an opportunity for your life to bring glory to God and/or prepare you for a ministry moment.  June 2010 I lost my Mamaw - it was one of the most trying experiences of my life to say the very least.  However, I now live my life differently, I see things differently, I speak to people differently, and I relate to people differently.  To look at my neighbor and say I know where you are, I have been there is part of where I find some of my ministry/giving opportunities these days.  What you and I do and how we react to life can not only affect us but millions of people around us.
3. Love - it is the only thing that means anything.  The two greatest commandments are to LOVE God and to LOVE people.  Put aside the stupid stuff, the excuses, the arguments, and just love.
4. I used to think that I needed this list of "big things" in my life to happen for me to truly be happy and start living.  But I am the girl who had to figure out what you when the list is thrown out the window and the big things haven't happened yet.  My answer - to truly live and be happy in the little things because somehow the seemingly little things add up to some big things.  I find joy in little moments and little things God has given me.  Yes my life may look different than most girls my age, but I am okay with that.  I never really liked being like everyone else.
5. There is something incredibly beautiful in a life lived on purpose for a purpose greater than oneself.
6. Finally, be you.  The you that you were created to be - not the poor attempt at the person someone else was created to be.

I want to leave you with this song by Gungor.  It's an amazing song and it just gets better after the words stop.  It makes me feel like I am running towards God and after I get there I can accomplish anything!

genius

Source: pinterest.com via nicole on Pinterest

I came across this quote on Pinterest (which I completely love), and the truth of it really hit me today maybe because I seem to always compare myself to everyone else.  In this comparison, I never really add up and end up questioning everything including who I am. This really was a big issue for me when I was younger and felt as though I was supposed to fit into a cookie-cutter mold that would never be right for me.  These days, I feel like I am pretty comfortable in the person God made me to be or at least moving towards that goal everyday.  This quote was a great reminder for me that we all have areas where we are gifted, and God made us by design for a specific purpose.  It's also quite humbling because the very things that I dislike being done to me are things that I find myself doing.  I can't expect people to have the same strengths that I do and fault them when they don't do things the way I think they should be done.

I have been studying Psalm 139 for my sunday school lesson tomorrow, and the similar themes stuck with me today.  Its nice to reminded that He knows me inside out, there is no place I find myself that He is not there with me, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and that He will search me for anything offensive to Him and forgive my offenses.   Oh thank God, He forgives my offenses as they are numerous.  I consider myself a relatively creative person, and I love that the God of the universe is creative in how He designs and makes everyone and everything.  We are all created in His image, and I believe that we all have certain aspects of His character and attributes.  So remember that when you think no one understands you and you don't measure up - He created you to be exactly who you are!

beautiful things

So sorry I have been a little silent lately - we have been in the process of moving and are just now getting most of our things back to order!  In this moving process, I have been reminded of a few things that I would like very much to share with you in hopes that you might need a little reminder!

1.  God is good - we have learned that He is good through some pretty painful times in our lives, so to see blessings and love and promises fulfilled in good times is simply beautiful.  This move and everything surrounding the transition has been such a blessing from God.
2.  We need people - moving is tough no matter what situation you find yourself, but moving two girls and a small business would be almost impossible by yourself.  Candace and I were completely awestruck as the friends and family from our church kept coming with able bodies and vehicles to help us move this past Saturday.  Literally, loading everything, transport, and unloading took 2 hours!  We are incredibly blessed by these people and their friendship!  Thank you just seems inadequate to express just how incredibly grateful we are while at the same time I cannot find any other words to suffice.  So from the bottom of our hearts, THANK YOU!  Also, Candace and I have some pretty incredible family, and words cannot express how much we love them and thank God for them.  I think my sisters and I have such a passion for kids because we have such amazing parents that welcome anyone and everyone into their home and love them unconditionally.  When I think of what family and home and love are supposed to look like, I think of them - George and Joyce Beaty!
3.  Life is a process, a journey that includes mountain tops and valleys.  As previously mentioned in various posts, we have shed our fair share of tears over the past few years; however, I honestly would not trade the lessons learned through these fires for anything in the world.  I truly believe that we are supposed to go through these trials or fires because it is through trials and fires that refinement and transformation takes place.  I also believe that it is extremely difficult to appreciate the mountain tops without learning the lessons in the valleys.

Well, I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!  If you don't have someone to spend Thanksgiving with, let me know and you can come to ours!  I thought I would share a couple of songs with you that I really love and that have really touched my heart and life!  I hope you enjoy!

Gungor - "Beautiful Things"

John Mark McMillan - "How He Loves"

sanctuary

So the idea of "seeking sanctuary" is one that has fascinated me for many years (I am a nerd, moving on)!  If you are not familiar with this idea, allow me to explain a bit.  "Seeking sanctuary" is the idea of those who are oppressed or persecuted because of political or religious beliefs seeking asylum or sanctuary in a church or a country offering asylum.  Some countries, including our own, still offer asylum or a safe place for those who are refugees, but seeking sanctuary was most prominent in Medieval Europe.  Many churches had a "sanctuary ring" on the doors to be allowed into the church.  I am not exactly sure why this has fascinated me for so long, but I have always felt safe at church and liked the idea of seeking refuge in a safe place.  Now I love old churches - they are just so comforting.  In fact I kind of picture God as an old church sometimes - one that has been in the community for centuries, where the pastor knows your name and entire family history, where the interior is that incredible mix of comfort and awe, and where the hushed sound of a whisper is life-changing.

This morning our pastor talked about anxiety and how to biblically deal with anxiety!  Sometimes I think he must know what I am thinking or what I am dealing with because it hits so close to home.  But I know that is the Holy Spirit speaking through him and God knows me inside out. You should really check out the sermons - they are amazing and you can watch them here.  Anyways, he talked about Paul's exhortation and instructions to the church at Philippi in Philippians 4,  and it rocked my world.  

         ⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. ⁵Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; ⁶ do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 ⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. ⁹What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. 

 Rejoice in the Lord always is not something that has come easily to me in the past.  To be really honest I kind of skipped over this part of Philippians 4 because it seemed so cliché and insincere to me because I never thought it was possible to really rejoice in the Lord always.  First of all my idea of rejoice (be happy) is completely wrong, and also my idea of God and His character was little.  A few years ago, I found myself without a teaching job and without anything else to tell me who I was.  I was lost.  I was disappointed with God and my faith.  I thought I had done something wrong in the formula of me + follow rules = God adhering to my plan and needed to start over.  I had no idea where to go next.  But in the midst of my pain and grief there came a quiet voice saying “be still.”  So I began to listen and out of the stillness came love and grace.  The God of the Universe was pursuing me and wanted me to know Him and His character.  He wanted to be my everything.  So I began with getting to know Him – Kay Arthur’s study of God’s names will rock your world – I am proof.  And through knowing God, I learned how to worship God where I am, to align my plan with His, and to find joy in His presence even when things are not going my way.

This idea of finding sanctuary in a church – the church would be a refuge, a safe place for those who were oppressed.   I feel like I have found that idea of sanctuary in truth, a firm foundation in knowing more about God’s character.  My sanctuary is God – He is my safe place and my refuge!           

Favorite Things

Okay so the past several days, I have been addicted to Spice Girls radio on Pandora because it plays all the 90's pop that takes me straight back to middle and high school!  I love this song and the video is really cute too!  So thought I would share!  Also thought I would share a list of my favorite things - because you know I love a list and I am in a really good mood!

1.  Brit is having a baby girl and naming her Daisy Claire after our Mamaw!!! I get kinda teary eyed just talking about it!  (Nothing new)
2.  We have had several places that are not typically known for their hospitality have been so very nice to us lately! Directv, Wal-Mart, Payless are among the companies that have taken care of us!
3.  The weather is perfect fall weather right now - a little chilly perfect for a cute sweater!
4.  God is teaching me so very much right now in Bible Study!
5.  I have a job that I love which is such a blessing especially when you know what its like not to have a job at all much less a job you love!

"Therefore, we exult in tribulation because we know that tribulation produces perseverance, and perseverance produces character, and character produces hope.  And it is a hope that does not disappoint because it being poured out through the love of Jesus Christ." - Romans 5:3-5

I have held onto the promises in this verse for my life's breath for the past few years, and to see it come to fruition and feel that hope that does not disappoint leaves me completely awestruck!  

Have a blessed day!

burdens

Friday night, I was checking Facebook on my phone as I do most every night before I go to sleep, but Friday night was a little different.  First, I see so many of the youth from our church asking for prayer for a brother and sister who were involved in a horrific car accident.  I realized that I did not know the siblings, but my heart still broke for the family and for my kids in the youth that were facing the possible loss of a classmate.  My mind immediately took me to the day of my junior year in high school... come to think of it, it was the first week of October 2000 when one of my classmates passed in a car accident.  I remember being slightly lost and overwhelmed at the loss of someone I saw every day and had spoken to earlier in the day.  For as long as I can remember, sadness and loss touch me to my very core.

It is in times like these, that I want to question God's plan.  I know that He is good and that His goodness does not change due to my or anyone else's circumstances; however, at the same time I don't understand where tragic accidents, parents burying children, and children growing up without parents fit into that.  I really hate the idea of death taking people we love from us, and the injustice is increased as I know that death is not a villain I can defeat.  And in the midst of tragic loss, knowing that you will see them again if both of you are believers is not nearly the comfort it will be when your head stops hurting from crying and your senses return to you.  At the same time, know that there will be a time when your head stops hurting and your senses return to you.  It does get better.  God is good, and He is in control.

I do not personally know the McGill family, but I do know loss and I know God.  I have such a burden for the family and friends of this precious family, and they are in my prayers.  I pray ultimately for a miracle for Angelica and strength, comfort, and peace for her family and friends!

discoveries

Tonight we had a great night at church with the youth.  Chad spoke just as he does every wednesday night - its really good so you should definitely come.  But that's really not the point because tonight Chad brought up something that completely astounded me.  We were talking about Jesus walking on water and Peter leaving the boat, walking on water, and "seeing the wind" at which time Peter began to sink.  I had never really thought about the fact that Jesus helped Peter up, and the two of them walked back to the boat side by side. (Thanks Chad)  Sometimes... okay most of the time, I get caught up in the constant reminder of just how imperfect I am.  I hate to fail, and yet failing is the one thing I never have to worry about being consistent at.  I do find hope in the fact that Peter, one of Jesus' disciples failed quite a bit in Scripture and still wrote part of what we consider Scripture and is still a major figure in Christian history.  Based on Peter's many examples, we can fail and get past it. Hello, rocking my little world right now.

The big deal to me was the getting back up and continuing side by side with Jesus.  Two reasons this rocked my world -
1. I tend to try to do everything without asking for help which is most often when I fail.  I have learned recently from experience that life is so much sweeter when you walk side by side with Jesus.  Accepting that I have fallen, I reach for His hand and ask that He lead me and "make my paths straight."(Psalm 3:5-6)
2. I love a good "phoenix" story - you know getting up after you have fallen and making something of yourself.  I also know that I have been there, there being flat on my face with nowhere to go but to God.  It was there that He met me with arms outstretched offering love and grace instead of hate and "I told you so."  It was also there that He picked me up and made something of me. In Isaiah 62, God calls His church Hepzhibah which means "my delight is in you."  I heard Him tell me that I am His (Is 43) and that He has me inscribed in the palm of His hand.(Is 49)

For most of my life, I heard people saying that God should be and can be your everything, that He loves you, wants you to love Him in return, desires relationship, and longs to woo you to Himself.  I also heard people say that to know Him you must know His character.  Which it sounds almost elementary to me now because "duh" you have to know someone to love them.  I began by simply saying that I wanted Him to be my everything.  I have believed in Jesus for a very long time, but never really understood what all of this really looked in my life.  I then asked Him to reveal Himself to me that I may know Him, and I began a Bible study designed specifically for that.  I wanted to fall in love with Jesus so I began to seek Him.  Can I tell you that I fell more in love everyday.  It was amazing to me that He really did pursue me and love me.  He is our Shepherd, our Lord, our El Shaddai - which is not just a slightly weird song.  El Shaddai literally means "motherly."  Nobody loves you like a mama except God because that is part of His character.  I get so excited when I think about this so I will stop now or I will write an even longer book.  (It's just awesome though!!!)  While we were at youth camp with the girls, I realized that I would rather have this life with Jesus than any amount of money or any job or any amount of security.  You can read more in depth about that discovery here.

All of this to say that how you live - your actions and reactions are choices.  You have the choice to be the victim type that never gets out of the water after sinking or you can reach for His hand, get up, and walk side by side with Him.  Also, you want to walk side by side with Him because He loves you unconditionally forever no matter what AMEN!  That peace that passes all understanding really does pass all understanding and comprehension.  It's difficult to explain - it's just something you know. 

something new

Not very long ago I graduated from college ready to be a licensed teacher - I thought I had everything figured out.  I wanted to come home(from Blue Mountain College to Laurel) and find a job around here where I could teach high school history.  I had this idea of what I wanted life to look like.  I would be a successful high school teacher that changed lives and then after a few years I would get a Master's and teach college history classes.  I would eventually get married, buy a house, a car and have 2.2 children.

HOWEVER....

God had a very different idea of what this life would look like.  The "Readers' Digest" version is that this process of Him molding me was is a very painful process on my end.  I am stubborn, I like plans and lists and security.  Instead, I found myself not knowing the plan, not marking things off my lists, and without security.  God had to bring me pretty low so that I would know what its like to HAVE TO depend on Him absolutely for everything.  But when I did, oh wow, was it the most amazing feeling and best foundation I could ever have.  I am a firm believer in experience being the best teacher as I am a tactile learner.  Basically, I have to make the mistake before I will believe it won't work.  But I would go through it all over again because through  it I have learned so much about God and myself which has led(slowly) to me loving both God and myself and others more than I ever have.  It is only when you have a correct understanding of who God is can you really have a correct understanding of who you are and how you relate to the other 6 billion people on this planet.  

So now I work at Laurel Christian Pre-School - I am the director of the After-School Program there.  To say that I love my job is a gross understatement.  Instead of teaching 100+ kids who have attitudes I now have 25+ kids who have attitudes.  :)  I have a great group of kids that I love - honestly love them.  Also I am working in an environment that sees everything through a lens that asks is what I am doing bringing glory to God.  I also have a little time to work on "A Daisy A Day" - the creative venture that might not have happened if not for my detour.  I am still not married, but I figure that will come when God is ready for it to.  

I felt I had to share this "daisy" with you because I am happy.  I realized that all the pain and all the trials were to bring me to this point of relinquishing monetary security and self-reliance for a life of adventure and a big story.  I want to live a great story and I want that story to bring glory to God.  ***Little tidbit of information for you - glory means giving a correct estimation of!!!  How awesome is that?  My life is meant to give others a correct estimation of who God really is - a daunting task but He is helping me with that.  I am not sure that you will really understand the power of this revelation in my life, but being happy and at peace with where I am and who I am is definitely something new in my life.