love and work

On Friday May 10th, our Uncle Allen Sharp left this world quite unexpectedly leaving a gaping hole in the fabric of our family.  The days following went by quickly, were filled with many faces asking for answers, and left us feeling achy, hazy.  I remember bits of pieces of those days...

To be quite frank, I have no great words of wisdom or answers to the questions we all feel after an event like this.  All I can tell you is that it sucks - probably the most difficult experience of my life.  I am pretty sure I went through all 7 steps of grief in the first five minutes and have continued to grow through them in each and every five minutes following.

So instead of some quaint offering that would only act as a band-aid for the pain, I thought I would share some of the lessons I learned from my Uncle Allen.

1.  Love - love your spouse, your family, and those friends who think they're family!  My uncle loved his wife - how many construction-type men do you know that willingly go shoe shopping with their wife just to spend time with them?  That's love in my book!  He was a man who was taught to do everything to the best of his ability, and that standard was not compartmentalized into work.  He was also insanely loyal and generous to his friends and family!

2.  Work - if you are able, you should work and work hard.  Like I said, no half-hearted, piss-poor job would satisfy him.  Do it right the first time - don't cut corners and take the simplified, coward's way out.  He had a low tolerance for ignorance also.  If you don't know how to do something, then ask someone who does!  Uncle Allen was the type of person who could do anything he set his mind to, and he could get almost anyone to do exactly what he wanted to do.  Candace and I joked about him being in the mafia - if you wanted something done, you went to Uncle Allen.

I know that is only two lessons, but I think those are the two things he did really well.  I also think that if we can strive to do those things well, then we will have lived a good life at the end.  I don't know why or pretend to understand why God chose that particular Friday, but I have to hold tight to what I know of God - that He is good, that He has a plan.  Even if parts of that plan make me angry.  Not so much angry with God, but angry that death exists at all.  Times like this make me long for God's promises of no more tears and no more death.

Finally, the lesson I learned more through his death than his life.  Life is fleeting, much too short to hold a grudge.  Those things that we were angry about on Thursday didn't really matter Friday morning and should not matter in the weeks and months  to follow.  Sometimes, I think tragic events can be the very thing needed to shake us from our stubborn complacency and help us see that now is the time to forgive.  You cannot do anything about yesterday, and tomorrow is not promised.  So love the people God has placed in your life and do the job He has entrusted you with today!

a hand print on my heart

“I’ve heard it said
That people come into your life for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow 
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today because I knew you
It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have rewritten mine 
By being my friend…
Who can say that I have been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed by the better
And because I knew you, I have been changed for good!”
- excerpt from “For Good” from the Broadway Musical "Wicked"


I posted this two years ago around this time as an attempt to describe what my Mamaw meant to me - a job I am not sure I could ever accomplish with simple words.  As the anniversary of her passing draws near, I take it as a time to consider the person I am and people I am pouring love into.  I feel as though I have grown over the past two years while there are certainly areas that require attention.   


One thing I know for sure is that there is an irreplaceable piece of this girl that left when she did.  When I think of the person I so long to be - the person that honors God and her in everything she does, there is an ache and a longing for the things I so took for granted.  The way she smelled when she hugged me, the smell of homemade biscuits and coffee in the morning, the way she said "I love you girls" - those are a few of the things I miss the most.


I am reminded everyday to be the girl she would be proud of, and so I thought I would share with you some of the things that she expected of us - her family, her granddaughters, the people who entered her home.

Love and serve God with all of your heart, strength, and mind.

Love your family with all of your heart.

Treat EVERYONE with respect, love, kindness, and compassion.

Work hard at whatever your hands find to do.

Laugh, laugh a lot.

Feed those who are hungry.

Give to those who are less fortunate than you.

I am sure I am leaving something out, but that shall do for now.  Please do not take the older generation in your family for granted - especially your grandparents.  Love them, listen to them, learn from them - trust me, you will be better for it.

Much Love,

Colie

Living

So this past week has been a painful time in the life of our church family - I say family because I have never felt so at home in a church until now.  And I have never really seen a group of people care about each other on this level ever - in my entire life.  I have already written a post dedicated to the family, so I will not go into it again.  I really want to share with you some of the things I have learned through this and over the past weeks.

1. Life is short.  The days are not promised, so live every one you are given intentionally, with purpose.  God created you for a purpose - to love Him and love people.  Find out how that looks in your/my (I am talking to myself also) life and go to it!
2. The experiences of your life serve a purpose.  Every experience you have is an opportunity for your life to bring glory to God and/or prepare you for a ministry moment.  June 2010 I lost my Mamaw - it was one of the most trying experiences of my life to say the very least.  However, I now live my life differently, I see things differently, I speak to people differently, and I relate to people differently.  To look at my neighbor and say I know where you are, I have been there is part of where I find some of my ministry/giving opportunities these days.  What you and I do and how we react to life can not only affect us but millions of people around us.
3. Love - it is the only thing that means anything.  The two greatest commandments are to LOVE God and to LOVE people.  Put aside the stupid stuff, the excuses, the arguments, and just love.
4. I used to think that I needed this list of "big things" in my life to happen for me to truly be happy and start living.  But I am the girl who had to figure out what you when the list is thrown out the window and the big things haven't happened yet.  My answer - to truly live and be happy in the little things because somehow the seemingly little things add up to some big things.  I find joy in little moments and little things God has given me.  Yes my life may look different than most girls my age, but I am okay with that.  I never really liked being like everyone else.
5. There is something incredibly beautiful in a life lived on purpose for a purpose greater than oneself.
6. Finally, be you.  The you that you were created to be - not the poor attempt at the person someone else was created to be.

I want to leave you with this song by Gungor.  It's an amazing song and it just gets better after the words stop.  It makes me feel like I am running towards God and after I get there I can accomplish anything!

burdens

Friday night, I was checking Facebook on my phone as I do most every night before I go to sleep, but Friday night was a little different.  First, I see so many of the youth from our church asking for prayer for a brother and sister who were involved in a horrific car accident.  I realized that I did not know the siblings, but my heart still broke for the family and for my kids in the youth that were facing the possible loss of a classmate.  My mind immediately took me to the day of my junior year in high school... come to think of it, it was the first week of October 2000 when one of my classmates passed in a car accident.  I remember being slightly lost and overwhelmed at the loss of someone I saw every day and had spoken to earlier in the day.  For as long as I can remember, sadness and loss touch me to my very core.

It is in times like these, that I want to question God's plan.  I know that He is good and that His goodness does not change due to my or anyone else's circumstances; however, at the same time I don't understand where tragic accidents, parents burying children, and children growing up without parents fit into that.  I really hate the idea of death taking people we love from us, and the injustice is increased as I know that death is not a villain I can defeat.  And in the midst of tragic loss, knowing that you will see them again if both of you are believers is not nearly the comfort it will be when your head stops hurting from crying and your senses return to you.  At the same time, know that there will be a time when your head stops hurting and your senses return to you.  It does get better.  God is good, and He is in control.

I do not personally know the McGill family, but I do know loss and I know God.  I have such a burden for the family and friends of this precious family, and they are in my prayers.  I pray ultimately for a miracle for Angelica and strength, comfort, and peace for her family and friends!

words to express the heart

I have sat down to write a new post for the past few days, but I just couldn't find the words.  Well until now that is.  I think I may have found just a few words to express a tish bit of what's been going on in my heart and my head for the past few days.
  1. I miss my Mamaw.  I love the business that Candace and I have founded in her honor, and I love sharing her love with the world.  However, I would give it all away for more time with her.  This weekend, I was a little under the weather, and my mom put up some strawberry figs.  You may find this a strange combination, but it was exactly this combination that took my breath away.  Nothing made me feel better than the embrace of my Mamaw - something about that tight squeeze and the way she smelled made everything right in my world.  And there is nothing that reminds me of her more than canning fruit.  When we were little girls, Mamaw put up everything in cans.  She made blueberry, plum, peach, strawberry, and fig jams and jellies.  The scent of fruit cooking on the stove takes me back to that kitchen.  So as I sat at Mama and Daddy's house looking at a picture of Mamaw and Papaw with Mom and Candace were cooking the figs, I had to take a minute to fight back tears and emotions that came upon me faster than I ever expected.  Even now as I write this I am teary eyed and trying to hold it all in.
   2.  In all this sadness and pain of loss, I am reminded of just how awesome God is.  He is the God who has me and you "inscribed on the palms of His hands." (Is 49:16)  He is the God who sees what we are going through and says "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you - I have called you by name; You are MINE." (Is 43:1)  He is Jesus that needed to get away after the death of John the Baptist (Matt 14:13) and Jesus who wept at the passing of Lazarus (John 11).  So when I am sad and missing my Mamaw, I know that I serve a God who has been there and experienced those same emotions.  He does not demean or belittle your suffering nor does He tell you to just get over it, but He has compassion to the point that He suffers right along with you and me (Matt 14).  I don't know about you, but that is so completely comforting to me.
  3.  I think its okay to live in the painful moments for a time.  I remember bits and pieces of conversations either in movies or reality that stick with me, and one particular conversation was one that a doctor had with a patient that was experiencing great physical pain.  I can't tell you where or when this comes from. He told the patient to breathe in, relax, and really feel the pain.  That being tense and trying to avoid feeling the pain would actually hurt worse and longer than accepting you are in pain and relaxing into the pain.  I have found that this advice actually works.  Taking the waves of pain and sadness and breathing and relaxing and admitting that it hurts to miss someone brings intense relief for my soul.  You must ride the wave of pain but be okay with getting off - don't stay in the darkness and live in the pain until the point that you can no longer come out of it. There is a time and a SEASON for everything.  (Ecc 3)  Don't let the pain overtake your life.

I hope to live my life that honors the memory of my Mamaw and brings glory to the God who loves me and gets me.  I also hope that my pouring my heart out into this blog at least helps one person.