So I am sitting here in my house, alone, in the dark. I like this time when its quiet, and I don't have to smile or look interested or anything else remotely resembling life unless I want to. I think we all need time like this - time to stop and rest and be still! We go so much; we must stop once in a while. I do a lot of thinking during this time.
Why is it that we are afraid of being great? - how often do we have someone really great at something? I think its more often that we have people that do just enough to get by! I am guilty of this - especially in my classes. I am a relatively good student, school has never really been difficult for me. (with the exception of geometry and chemistry) But to be honest, I never really gave anything my all. I found that with a little bit of studying I could pull off an A or a B. And I just didn't care enough to try or was I afraid of being the weird girl that was actually passionate about something.
We do this a lot in our society - passionate people that aren't afraid of being great are either heralded as genius or insane. God forbid, we actually take something seriously, do our best, and be GREAT at what we do! You know those people who are great go through a great deal of refinement - which is often painful. They also are extremely dedicated which is the antithesis of being lazy. So I think we are afraid of being great because that might mean pain and work!
I am the world's worst at this... I want to be a great teacher, a great daughter, a great sister, a great friend, and one day a great wife and mother! The truth is I want to be great at what I do!


day whatever it is!

Okay so while sitting in church this morning, I suppose I had an epiphany that I think has been coming since the new year began. Very recently I was told that I am sitting on the bench of my own life - that I needed to get in the game. I tried to just blow it off, not to worry about it. After all, who was this little piss ant that thought he knew me? But this idea would not go away... Stupid piss ant! And today I realized that I have been sitting on the bench. I think I was so scared that if I got in the game, I would not be good enough at anything and I would fail but failure is not trying. Then I realized that I do this in most of the areas of my life - my career, a relationship, weight loss, new friends, etc. If I don't know I will succeed at something then I choose not to do it. How crazy is that?

I know this is probably really deep for a blog, but I don't care. If you read it then great, if not then you are missing out. I have chosen from now on to be in the game. I don't care what people think. I am Colie - slightly odd but I prefer unique, sometimes shy, extremely nerdy, somewhat flirtatious without that intent, kind of bossy at times, and scared to death to fail at life. I signed up for the boot camp at church, and I just want to give this precious life I have been given my all. So away with procrastination, laziness, insecurity, and self-doubt.

This life is too short to spend it worrying about crazy stuff that doesn't really matter. I want my life to bring honor and glory to God, and I am going to stop making excuses for why I don't think He should use me.


day two

Can I just tell you that I am a horrible student? I am taking graduate classes at a local university, and I am the student that waits to the last minute on everything, I turn things in late, and my papers are never as long as they are supposed to be. I have a 25 page paper due the second week of february, and I have not even decided on a topic yet. Also I have not even started on the annotated bibliography due in my other class. Did I mention I have a degree in teaching and my teaching license? So I am pretty much the student that would get on my own nerves!

All of this to say I had class tonight, and the guy the school deems to be the professor is an arrogant jerk which I suppose I should expect it from a "historian." Really, after working all day, do you really want to go listen to a man who loves the sound of his own voice? You know there is all of this work being done to help teachers make the elementary and high school classrooms more interactive and hands-on and visually stimulating. Then you get to college and they expect you to be completely okay with sitting in a lecture for an hour or longer and learn just as much if not more. I am a visual learner - I need to see what you are talking about to really take information in so this lecture format drives me crazy and does nothing for me!

Maybe thats why I really want to teach history cause there needs to be a visual history teacher that can get history across to visual learners. History can be interesting but you have to be prepared and give them something to look at, to remember!

Okay so that was my venting session. So I have to admit to you that I am really trying to eat more healthy, and I find that so difficult to do on these nights when I go from work to school. I end up eating whatever I can find and its usually really late. I need help... any ideas?!

Well this was definitely more of a vent/therapy session for me today. I hope any and all readers have a wonderful day tomorrow! Much Love


day one

Hey Buddy!
So this is my first blog and my first post. I want to do something that challenges me, and I just thought I would invite the world along for the ride. My church has issued a challenge for all of us that consists of four parts. It is based on Luke 2:52 which states (my paraphrase) that Jesus grew in wisdom, stature, and in favor with God and man. The challenge is that we make a conscious effort to grow the following four areas
1. Wisdom
2. Stature
3. Favor with God
4. Favor with Man
So this is what I propose. I want to take this challenge and I will write about it so that my crazy days will encourage you and maybe help you in some way. This may seem like a lot to do but the areas build on each other somewhat. This will last one year from today. This not really a check list kind of thing but a list of ideas and heart issues that must be dealt with.
So for wisdom, I am committing to do a bible study every semester (which includes the summer). As I am currently a grad student this will take extra effort for this naturally lazy procrastinator. In the area of stature, our entire church has been challenged to be more healthy physically. I don't know what would be a reasonable amount of weight for me to expect to lose in a given period of time; therefore I am committing to some type of exercise three times a week for at least 3o minutes each day. I am also committing to eat a healthier.
Third favor with God is one area that I am still leaning about. I will post more on this area later. Finally is favor with man. This is a church-wide challenge to find your area of ministry and to go on some type of mission this year. Well, this is actually the part I am really excited about. I help out with the youth group at our church, and pretty soon my sister and I will be hosting a college age small group at our house. I have a heart for college students, and I just want the college students at our church to have a place while they are in this time of transition. More details to come on this area as well! Also I am taking the mission challenge - I hope to go on a couple mission trips this year with the youth and also with the church as a whole. Also I want to find a mission close to home to devote some time to, and this may come out in the college group as we have several colleges nearby our hometown.
So this will be a year-long challenge for me, and I am setting goals that I desperately want to reach. Hopefully you will be along for the ride for the good times, the bad times, the crying times, and the times that are just too funny for words!