broken and beautiful

Well it's been a minute or two since my last post. If I am quite honest, I just became bored with this blog.  I had run out of things to say or I didn't want to take the time to write down the things I wanted to say and do it well.  I am not really sure of the reason, but I want to get back to blogging if only for the catharsis that it is for me.  Writing these things down, or typing these things out rather, is a form of confession and healing for me.  I read James 5:16 today, and it says (in my words) that confessing our sins to others is healing for us; therefore, I am just trying to apply medicine to my wounds through this blog.

What confession must I make today?  Well today I am broken.  I am broken hearted for my cousins who are more like brothers that are mourning the loss of their mother.  My heart aches for my mother who has lost yet another sibling and for my Papaw who has buried yet another child...

For my aunt still finding her way after tragedy struck years ago...
For the family that is grieving the young boy killed in the car accident...
For my kids at school whose parents choose not to participate their child's life..

The small group that I teach is currently in the middle of a study titled, Lord, Where Are You When Bad Things Happen?  Intellectually, I can affirm that God is good and that there is a purpose to our pain, and it is to this truth that I grasp, white-knuckled when things turn tragic.  But the pain is still there, and my heart still aches.  Tears still fall.  I have never really been able to wrap my head around death - its not fathomable to me that people that were laughing on the front porch one day can be gone the next.

So tonight I am seeking healing - confessing these things to you and spending some much needed alone time on my porch in my chair my Papaw built for me.

And I am reminiscing on the past week. While it has been one of those weeks that just hurts, it has also been one of those weeks where my heart has been filled.  My cousins chose our church for the visitation and funeral for my Aunt, and I must admit I was apprehensive.  Grief and family are two things I keep private from the rest of the world, and here we were about to open an extremely private matter up to people who don't normally see that side of me.  Please don't get me wrong, I love my church dearly.  I just don't trust too many people with the big things.  But please let me tell you that I am so glad we were home at CrossPointe this past week - the entire staff and family were so incredibly giving and kind to my family.  It was a truly beautiful mixture of my family and my church family.  They ministered so beautifully to my grief-stricken family, and I am beyond grateful.

To the people who ran sound, cooked meals, cleaned up after us, made many pots of coffee, and preached the service - we are so thankful for you.  Words will never suffice for how blessed we are by CrossPointe Community Church.

It is during times of crisis, that we put pen to paper to attempt to make sense of our world.  Tonight, I am not sure if any of this makes sense, but I hope, somehow, it helps.

remind me

So it has been a while since my last post - life has been incredibly busy lately. I have missed this as it is my favorite/only outlet for all of the thoughts that are often jumbled up inside my head. I hate pulling the busyness card because it will inevitably sound like the worst excuse known to man, but it is the truth.  I have no other reason, no other excuse to offer other than busyness.  It is during these times when I forget things and must be reminded of those ideas that are of vital importance to my life.

1.  I have to remember who God is and just how big He is.  In the busyness, I get caught up in my own petty problems and forget that He is Almighty God.  I like the idea that He wants to be my friend, but I love that He is my fortress, my strong tower, and the place from which I gain strength.  You know that I LOVE Nehemiah, and I often go there when I am discouraged or grumpy from being discouraged.  So I thought I would share Nehemiah 4:14-16 with you again.

"When I saw their fear, I rose and spoke to the nobles, the officials, and the rest of the people: 'Do not be afraid of them(those people who were trying to discourage them from building the wall); remember the Lord who is great and awesome and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses.'"

2.  This verse also reminds me of who I am - not some weak, little pipsqueak!  I, we are called to be warriors - to fight.  The war belongs to God, but we are certainly soldiers in the battles.  I have two verses for you on this one.  Galatians 4:6 says that,

"Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, 'Abba! Father!'"

And 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us about this Spirit.  

"For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power, and love, and discipline."

I don't know about you, but I just love the idea that God sends His Spirit into our hearts.  Through Christ, we have access to God and His abundance - grace, mercy, comfort, strength, power, the list could go on forever.  There are days, and today is one of those when I have to pray, as Nehemiah did, "O God, strengthen my hands."

3.  Nehemiah 4 also reminds me why - why I get up every day and go to work, why I work with children.  We are fighting those battles for them, for those people God has entrusted to us.  I fight for the 20+ darlings that climb the stairs to Extended Care every day.  I fight for the 100+ boys and girls that darken the doors of the CrossPointe Kids building.  I fight for the ladies that work with me every day, and most importantly I fight for George, Joyce, Candace, Brittany, Jonathan, Madison, Wyatt, Daisy Claire, Papaw, David, Brittany, Aunt Debbie, Ben, Mallorie, the boys, and many other family members.

Maybe you are like me and need someone to say, "Remind me, who do you fight for?"

ghosts

Do you believe in ghosts?

Are you haunted by ghosts?

I do and I am.  While the idea of the spirit of someone who has passed really freaks me out, it is the idea of ghosts of my past that are the most frightening.  The ghosts of the person I used to be seems to haunt my reality - I am pretty sure there is more than one ghost.  The ghost of the young girl I was before I became a believer, the ghost of the timid wallflower I was during most of high school, and the ghost of the naive diva I became in college.

I was around four or five, quite young, when I became a believer so that particular ghost is not so much haunting as elusive.  That simple faith of my childhood that God would take care of everything is something I must search for and tap into on a daily basis.

The timid wallflower ghost seems to hit me square in the face anytime I step foot near my high school - yes it is just as bad as it sounds.  Its like I am possessed with the 16 year old version of myself anytime I turn in the parking lot and I try quite hard to blend into the seat of my car.  I was a substitute teacher there a few times when I moved home, and I had to remind myself not to look as scared as I felt because I was no longer that girl.

Most recently I have come face-to-face with the college version of myself, and for a brief moment, I found myself wanting to be that girl again.  Surrounded by great friends and family, successful in school, active in organizations, she was a devout optimist, confident in her abilities, and stubborn to a fault.  College was great, and I treasure those times, but the seconds were fleeting before I realized that this girl was un-tested and lacked depth.  Yes she had not experienced pain and struggles in any real way, but she also had never really experienced the strength of God's hand when you have nothing else to hold onto.

Even though it does make me sad that things have changed and that girl is a ghost, I wouldn't trade the lessons I have learned when all of those things were stripped from my life.  I had placed my friends where only God should be, I relied on my own abilities rather than leaning on God, and during my junior and senior years, I was "too busy" to spend real time in the word.  Little by little, God took away those things so that He could restore my foundation and form me into the person who could withstand the winds and rains of testing and trials.  Now I am not saying that I have "arrived" by any means, but I at least feel that I am on the right road.  Sometimes it just takes a few ghosts to remind us where we have come from!

catch my breath

Whew! I feel like I have been running these past couple of weeks at a frantic pace and nothing I need to do is getting done.  However, I am trying to take small breaks where I can and just breathe - it's difficult as I am sure most of you know.  After Christmas, it seems like the second semester starts with all gears going and doesn't stop until you wake up and realize it's time to buy the Thanksgiving Turkey again.  Okay, I digress.  I have been remiss not to share with you some of the things I have been learning lately!

A sweet friend/fellow nerd - Shelly Reid and I have been doing a Bible Study on Ezra, Nehemiah, and Esther.  Just let me tell you, it has rocked my world.  As you all know by now, the nerdy things in life and in the Bible just really excite me because sometimes it feels like God has kinda thrown in all these things just for me to try to figure out.  I know that's completely off and self-centered; however, it is nice to learn through all this study that He created me this way and understands how my head works.  Okay back to the point - the things I have learned.  There are so many, and I know I will leave some out but here it goes.

1. God stirs the heart of those He chooses to use to accomplish His goals and plans.  AND as I have found out  that person may not even know that God is the one doing that!  Don't believe me, go check out what Isaiah says about Cyrus! Blew my mind!  Don't miss this - HE STIRS YOUR HEART!  Those things that you just feel like you must do or burst could possibly be God stirring your heart!  Isn't that amazing?  

2.  When, not if, you do these things that God is stirring your heart to do you must know a few things - pray.  The past few weeks we have been in Nehemiah and throughout Nehemiah you find his prayers scattered through.  And it's not grand, lengthy prayers - it's short, one sentence like a breath out of his heart.  Also this is a big one - the enemy will try to stop you!  The enemy may take several forms but it's always the same tactics so know them and know  the Truth!  It will save you quite a bit of heartache!

3.  Oh I can't forget - Nehemiah's stirring is to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.  Guess what, we all have walls we need to return to, to rebuild, and to restore (I borrowed that from Shelly).  Your wall effects everything - it's your faith, your prayers, knowing the Truth, everything! If that wall is not in tact then those tactics of the enemy will penetrate and possible cause some destruction.

4.  God has been stirring my heart to do something quite outside my comfort zone and big!  It's in the works as I type and you read, but I can't tell you much right now!  Hopefully I will be sharing more about this in the future!  I would appreciate your prayers!

5.  Finally, my life has been so very blessed doing this one-on-one Bible study.  I encourage you to find someone perhaps older (physically or spiritually or both) to do Bible Study with.  It's amazing how encouraging it is, AND in Titus 2 we are actually commanded to always be learning so that we may be able to teach those who are younger!

So as always I pray this encouraged you and thank you for allowing me to take a breath to organize my thoughts a little bit!  Have a wonderful day!

tis the season

So I just noticed that it has been A LONG TIME since I last posted - a fact for which I apologize; however, this time of the year gets so incredibly busy for us.  It seems that the two weeks we get off for Christmas (working for a school system has its perks!) is busier than the school year.  Perhaps that is because Candace and I put off things such as errands or lunch dates with friends until we are out of school and end up needing a vacation for the vacation!  Okay so off the soap box for now... sorry sometimes I get a little caught up.

I am particularly excited about my family receiving the gifts we bought for them this year - I love to give presents.  This year we tapped into our crafty kathy sides as well as our love for all things vintage for inspiration for our gifts.  I will post more after Christmas as some of my family might actually read this, but I want to tell you about the gift we got for Poppy(what Madi calls our Dad!) as he doesn't have facebook.  We found this piece that we bought just because it looked interesting, and after some research found out that it is a valet stand similar to the one below but with a lighter wood finish.

He has this love for all things vintage as well, and I think/hope he will love it.  Isn't it fabulous?  I adore it.  It wasn't terribly expensive, but its something he will appreciate and use.  We try to give really meaningful and thoughtful gifts - something that makes us think of the person who is to receive the gift.  

Speaking of giving, our church is doing a series now called "Radical Generosity," and it has seriously challenged me to be more giving.  I know my first instinct and yours as well is to think of money, but its also other things - time, love, yourself.  I have personally been challenged to my very core and have made a commitment to begin this journey towards being more giving in every aspect of my life.  Every journey begins with simple steps, and mine has begun like this -

1.  Money - to be faithful with my tithes and a better steward of the monetary gifts entrusted to me because sometimes money is a vessel of grace of God for people.  Hold on before you think I am crazy - money is grace when you are out of work and need diapers and groceries, money is grace when people are starving half a world a way, and money is grace when you have no electricity and no money to pay the light bill, and on and on.  The grace of God often has very practical hands and feet.

2.  Love - to be more loving in general but specifically with my children at work.  It breaks my heart to think that I may be the only one who shows them love during the day. 

3. My Story - you can read all about the struggles and successes of my story in this blog, but I want to use my story to show people Christ - I am not sure exactly what that looks like in the day to day, other than this blog.

4.  Life - This story I have been given is not over, and I really want it to be a great story so I want each day to be with purpose and meaningful.  I am a firm believer that everything that happens to you is a tool  that you can use in your personal ministry/story.  The struggles I have been through were not pleasant at the moment, but I have been so incredibly blessed to be able share the lessons I have learned through them.  I want my life to be a blessing to others.

Now the LORD said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.

(Genesis 12:1-2 ESV)

beautiful things

So sorry I have been a little silent lately - we have been in the process of moving and are just now getting most of our things back to order!  In this moving process, I have been reminded of a few things that I would like very much to share with you in hopes that you might need a little reminder!

1.  God is good - we have learned that He is good through some pretty painful times in our lives, so to see blessings and love and promises fulfilled in good times is simply beautiful.  This move and everything surrounding the transition has been such a blessing from God.
2.  We need people - moving is tough no matter what situation you find yourself, but moving two girls and a small business would be almost impossible by yourself.  Candace and I were completely awestruck as the friends and family from our church kept coming with able bodies and vehicles to help us move this past Saturday.  Literally, loading everything, transport, and unloading took 2 hours!  We are incredibly blessed by these people and their friendship!  Thank you just seems inadequate to express just how incredibly grateful we are while at the same time I cannot find any other words to suffice.  So from the bottom of our hearts, THANK YOU!  Also, Candace and I have some pretty incredible family, and words cannot express how much we love them and thank God for them.  I think my sisters and I have such a passion for kids because we have such amazing parents that welcome anyone and everyone into their home and love them unconditionally.  When I think of what family and home and love are supposed to look like, I think of them - George and Joyce Beaty!
3.  Life is a process, a journey that includes mountain tops and valleys.  As previously mentioned in various posts, we have shed our fair share of tears over the past few years; however, I honestly would not trade the lessons learned through these fires for anything in the world.  I truly believe that we are supposed to go through these trials or fires because it is through trials and fires that refinement and transformation takes place.  I also believe that it is extremely difficult to appreciate the mountain tops without learning the lessons in the valleys.

Well, I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!  If you don't have someone to spend Thanksgiving with, let me know and you can come to ours!  I thought I would share a couple of songs with you that I really love and that have really touched my heart and life!  I hope you enjoy!

Gungor - "Beautiful Things"

John Mark McMillan - "How He Loves"

sanctuary

So the idea of "seeking sanctuary" is one that has fascinated me for many years (I am a nerd, moving on)!  If you are not familiar with this idea, allow me to explain a bit.  "Seeking sanctuary" is the idea of those who are oppressed or persecuted because of political or religious beliefs seeking asylum or sanctuary in a church or a country offering asylum.  Some countries, including our own, still offer asylum or a safe place for those who are refugees, but seeking sanctuary was most prominent in Medieval Europe.  Many churches had a "sanctuary ring" on the doors to be allowed into the church.  I am not exactly sure why this has fascinated me for so long, but I have always felt safe at church and liked the idea of seeking refuge in a safe place.  Now I love old churches - they are just so comforting.  In fact I kind of picture God as an old church sometimes - one that has been in the community for centuries, where the pastor knows your name and entire family history, where the interior is that incredible mix of comfort and awe, and where the hushed sound of a whisper is life-changing.

This morning our pastor talked about anxiety and how to biblically deal with anxiety!  Sometimes I think he must know what I am thinking or what I am dealing with because it hits so close to home.  But I know that is the Holy Spirit speaking through him and God knows me inside out. You should really check out the sermons - they are amazing and you can watch them here.  Anyways, he talked about Paul's exhortation and instructions to the church at Philippi in Philippians 4,  and it rocked my world.  

         ⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. ⁵Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; ⁶ do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 ⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. ⁹What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. 

 Rejoice in the Lord always is not something that has come easily to me in the past.  To be really honest I kind of skipped over this part of Philippians 4 because it seemed so cliché and insincere to me because I never thought it was possible to really rejoice in the Lord always.  First of all my idea of rejoice (be happy) is completely wrong, and also my idea of God and His character was little.  A few years ago, I found myself without a teaching job and without anything else to tell me who I was.  I was lost.  I was disappointed with God and my faith.  I thought I had done something wrong in the formula of me + follow rules = God adhering to my plan and needed to start over.  I had no idea where to go next.  But in the midst of my pain and grief there came a quiet voice saying “be still.”  So I began to listen and out of the stillness came love and grace.  The God of the Universe was pursuing me and wanted me to know Him and His character.  He wanted to be my everything.  So I began with getting to know Him – Kay Arthur’s study of God’s names will rock your world – I am proof.  And through knowing God, I learned how to worship God where I am, to align my plan with His, and to find joy in His presence even when things are not going my way.

This idea of finding sanctuary in a church – the church would be a refuge, a safe place for those who were oppressed.   I feel like I have found that idea of sanctuary in truth, a firm foundation in knowing more about God’s character.  My sanctuary is God – He is my safe place and my refuge!           

a crock pot, a recipe, and pinterest

Okay so Candace and I are horrible about going through a drive-thru on our way home from work.  And really after taking care of children all day, who really wants to come home and fix dinner?  Besides eating out getting really old really fast, the food is terrible for you, so we have been trying to cook more at home.  The one thing that has been a life-saver is the crock pot - it's not just for Rotel or your grandmother.  Last week, we put beef tips, potatoes, onions, bell pepper, and 1/2 cup Dale's Steak seasoning in it and had a feast when we came home from work!  Tonight I put 6 chicken tenders, 1/2 a bell pepper, 3 tbsp butter, 1 part chicken stock, 1 part water, a dash of salt, a dash of Tony Chachere's and poultry seasoning, and we added some mashed potatoes and called it dinner!  It was amazing, and our house smelled like yummy chicken goodness when we came home tonight!  As the weather gets colder, I can't wait to do more soups and stuff in the crock pot!  It makes coming home and passing the drive-thru so much easier!

So I have discovered and fallen in love with Pinterest!  Finally a place to keep up with the all of the ideas that are floating around in my head!  Candace and I are looking to move back to Laurel, and the idea of decorating a cute little apartment makes me so excited.  The idea of moving again does not make me so excited, but it's time and we need to move!  So I created a board with ideas that I would love to do in the Apartment, and I will link it so you can see! Check it out!  I have a few other boards on there as well, but I have not dedicated as much attention to them as of right now!  Below is a cute little kitchen that makes use of typically wasted space!

Source: designspongeonline.com via nicole on Pinterest

Lately I don't know exactly what it is but I have been so very distracted by life and everything in it that I have neglected my personal Bible study time - I like to call it an un-quiet time.  I have missed my un-quiet time and I can definitely tell when I have missed it!  My entire attitude changes, my world is upside down, and it sucks.  I am trying desperately to get back into the Word - Truth is the only thing that can change me! I am reminded of the importance of renewing our minds, and it is so very important and vital to living this life for God.  It may so very cliche but I promise this is truth!

Therefore, I urge your brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.  And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you may prove what the will of God is - which is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:1-2

Favorite Things

Okay so the past several days, I have been addicted to Spice Girls radio on Pandora because it plays all the 90's pop that takes me straight back to middle and high school!  I love this song and the video is really cute too!  So thought I would share!  Also thought I would share a list of my favorite things - because you know I love a list and I am in a really good mood!

1.  Brit is having a baby girl and naming her Daisy Claire after our Mamaw!!! I get kinda teary eyed just talking about it!  (Nothing new)
2.  We have had several places that are not typically known for their hospitality have been so very nice to us lately! Directv, Wal-Mart, Payless are among the companies that have taken care of us!
3.  The weather is perfect fall weather right now - a little chilly perfect for a cute sweater!
4.  God is teaching me so very much right now in Bible Study!
5.  I have a job that I love which is such a blessing especially when you know what its like not to have a job at all much less a job you love!

"Therefore, we exult in tribulation because we know that tribulation produces perseverance, and perseverance produces character, and character produces hope.  And it is a hope that does not disappoint because it being poured out through the love of Jesus Christ." - Romans 5:3-5

I have held onto the promises in this verse for my life's breath for the past few years, and to see it come to fruition and feel that hope that does not disappoint leaves me completely awestruck!  

Have a blessed day!

Elizabeth Elliot and "I Got This"

Okay so this week has been insanely busy and crazy and hectic and it's only Tuesday, and I didn't get to do an accessories' Monday post.  I promise to make it up to you - well the two of you who read this!

I did want to share what I have learned lately!  First a little backstory - Candace and I went to a Bible Study that one of the ladies in our church does once a month.  This is serious stuff - homework and everything!  I must be honest - the nerd that I am was a little excited about the homework.  I like researching and getting into things on my own.  I have a theory that you truly can't "own" something until you have wrestled with it and gotten your hands dirty.  By owning something I just mean taking a little piece of information and studying it and forming your own opinions and your own response to this information.  So everyone was given a few words/phrases to look up and wrestle with, and then each of us were given a different Christian woman to "google."  I must admit that google is my obsession - you can find everything there!

So one of our phrases/ideas to study was the Sovereignty of God.  Now I am a nerd, but I will never understand completely every idea in the Bible.  However, that does not mean I am going to sit idly by and say it is too difficult.  Shelly gave us a list of verses that deal with what God is Sovereign over.  **This is a little free tidbit, sovereign means that God is "Most High" - most high over what you might ask.  Well... maybe you should google or ask Shelly for her favorite handouts!** Anyway one of the verses was Luke 12:6-7 which tells us that God holds that sparrows in flight and knows the number of hairs on our heads therefore we are not to fear because we are more valuable than sparrows.  (Love this) I like to call this little nugget and the idea of God's Sovereignty the "I GOT THIS" idea because I kind of feel like this is one of those messages that He knows I need sometimes.  I like plans, and I like to know the plans, and sometimes most of the time I like to make the plans especially if the plans pertain to me and my life.  So yeah that whole idea of surrender - I struggle with it. Front Street.  So I kind of have this scene in my head where I approach this male person with my plans as to how my life should go - to which He turns His head and tells me, "I got this!"  Every book I read plays out like a movie in my head so naturally this happens when I read the Bible, but when I read certain parts of the Bible I kind of take it into my life and language like a conversation between me and God.  It helps - try it.

The Christian lady I was assigned to google and get to know was Elizabeth Elliot - knew her story but not much else!  So I googled her and what pops up but a list of quotes - one of my favorite things!  And she obviously understood the "I got this" idea a little much better than me and was able to apply it practically to her life as her life is fascinating and tragic yet hopeful and joyful.  I thought I would leave you with a couple of her quotes ( I must say she is pretty high on my list right now)

"The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of christian, but the fact that I am a Christian makes me a different kind of woman."

"If my life is surrendered to God, all is well.  Let me not grab it back, as though it were in peril but would be safer in mine." --"I Got This!"

discoveries

Tonight we had a great night at church with the youth.  Chad spoke just as he does every wednesday night - its really good so you should definitely come.  But that's really not the point because tonight Chad brought up something that completely astounded me.  We were talking about Jesus walking on water and Peter leaving the boat, walking on water, and "seeing the wind" at which time Peter began to sink.  I had never really thought about the fact that Jesus helped Peter up, and the two of them walked back to the boat side by side. (Thanks Chad)  Sometimes... okay most of the time, I get caught up in the constant reminder of just how imperfect I am.  I hate to fail, and yet failing is the one thing I never have to worry about being consistent at.  I do find hope in the fact that Peter, one of Jesus' disciples failed quite a bit in Scripture and still wrote part of what we consider Scripture and is still a major figure in Christian history.  Based on Peter's many examples, we can fail and get past it. Hello, rocking my little world right now.

The big deal to me was the getting back up and continuing side by side with Jesus.  Two reasons this rocked my world -
1. I tend to try to do everything without asking for help which is most often when I fail.  I have learned recently from experience that life is so much sweeter when you walk side by side with Jesus.  Accepting that I have fallen, I reach for His hand and ask that He lead me and "make my paths straight."(Psalm 3:5-6)
2. I love a good "phoenix" story - you know getting up after you have fallen and making something of yourself.  I also know that I have been there, there being flat on my face with nowhere to go but to God.  It was there that He met me with arms outstretched offering love and grace instead of hate and "I told you so."  It was also there that He picked me up and made something of me. In Isaiah 62, God calls His church Hepzhibah which means "my delight is in you."  I heard Him tell me that I am His (Is 43) and that He has me inscribed in the palm of His hand.(Is 49)

For most of my life, I heard people saying that God should be and can be your everything, that He loves you, wants you to love Him in return, desires relationship, and longs to woo you to Himself.  I also heard people say that to know Him you must know His character.  Which it sounds almost elementary to me now because "duh" you have to know someone to love them.  I began by simply saying that I wanted Him to be my everything.  I have believed in Jesus for a very long time, but never really understood what all of this really looked in my life.  I then asked Him to reveal Himself to me that I may know Him, and I began a Bible study designed specifically for that.  I wanted to fall in love with Jesus so I began to seek Him.  Can I tell you that I fell more in love everyday.  It was amazing to me that He really did pursue me and love me.  He is our Shepherd, our Lord, our El Shaddai - which is not just a slightly weird song.  El Shaddai literally means "motherly."  Nobody loves you like a mama except God because that is part of His character.  I get so excited when I think about this so I will stop now or I will write an even longer book.  (It's just awesome though!!!)  While we were at youth camp with the girls, I realized that I would rather have this life with Jesus than any amount of money or any job or any amount of security.  You can read more in depth about that discovery here.

All of this to say that how you live - your actions and reactions are choices.  You have the choice to be the victim type that never gets out of the water after sinking or you can reach for His hand, get up, and walk side by side with Him.  Also, you want to walk side by side with Him because He loves you unconditionally forever no matter what AMEN!  That peace that passes all understanding really does pass all understanding and comprehension.  It's difficult to explain - it's just something you know. 

be still

So this past weekend, my family and I were having a movie night and the selected picture was the new The Karate Kid with Will Smith’s son. I must say I was surprised by how good the movie was, but there was a surprising moment in the movie where I found myself seeing beyond the words and the movie. This particular part of the movie, the young Kung Fu novice is taken by the teacher to very spiritual place in the mountains where the young man happens upon a woman performing Kung Fu skills on a ledge with a cobra. This action catches the student’s eye because it was though the woman was mimicking the cobra, but when asked, the teacher responded that the snake was being manipulated by the woman’s focus and stillness. The student was astounded that the woman could control the snake by seemingly doing nothing to which the teacher responded that “to do nothing and to be still are two completely different things.” The teacher continued by saying that it was only when the woman was completely focused and still did the snake begin to follow her actions.



This may be a stretch for some of you but stay with me for the next few minutes because I kind of had an “AHA” moment during this portion of the movie. It occurred to me that this is just the focus I need in my life. Psalm 46:10a states, “be still and know that I am God..” Very recently, this verse has been on my mind more and more, but I fought with this idea of being still because I equated it with doing nothing. You know when you are younger and your parents say “be still” it means you better not even consider moving a muscle – that’s the picture I had in my head. As I have gotten older, I have developed this need to at least feel productive in some sort or fashion and being still seemed counter-productive. So, I had problems with this idea of being still. But “be still and know that I am God” is a command and one that had been on my mind a great deal recently so I face a dilemma.


Until during this movie about karate, somehow this scene made this verse make sense to me. Being still no longer meant doing nothing but comes from this intense focus and deep peace. It was not until the woman became completely still and focused did the cobra begin to mimic her movements. In my life of trying to be the woman God teaches me to be, I cannot make my movements match those of Christ without becoming completely still and deeply focused. This makes so much more sense to me – hence the “aha” moment. Does this make sense to anyone else? We must focus on God – you want things to change in your life you must focus on God.


I don’t know if this is an elementary thing for everyone else, and I am just a little slow but this is so encouraging to me. In my world, there is very little time to be still – we seem to be always going, something seems to always be going on, and some of the people in my life believe themselves to be the redneck version of the Barrymore family thus it is their mission to bring drama to our lives. So when everything is crazy which is every day, I adore this idea of having Someone to focus on and this Someone gives you peace that passes all understanding. I don’t know about you but even as I am writing this and putting these thoughts together, I am relieved. This relief comes from the second part of this verse – “know that I am God.” With that statement comes the knowledge that HE IS GOD! There is nothing bigger or better or more loving or more trustworthy! That is simply astounding to me.


Its as though God is comforting me saying, “Focus, have peace and remember who I AM!”