failure

Can I just tell you that I have already failed on this challenge that I have made for myself. I have not been exercising, eating right, or working on a Bible Study consistently. I have been so focused on myself and all of the other things going on in my life. For example, I put off doing a research paper for one of my classes until the last day, but I used the excuse I needed to be working on that paper for why I didn’t have time to do Bible Study. I am almost finished with my masters in social science education, and one of the classes I was in during the winter trimester required a 20-25 page paper. I waited until Monday morning at 11 a.m. to begin working on this paper, and I turned in a ten page paper at 10 p.m. Monday evening. The paper was not really bad per say, but definitely did not meet the length requirement. I passed the class, but I have failed at being the person I so desperately want to be. I am a failure…
However, I know this is not the end of the story, because chapters in your life end and new ones begin. The loser in one scene can be the heroine in the next. This is the beauty of the life with Christ – through Him, believers can be forgiven of their shortcomings and begin again. I am really simplifying this, but every day can be a chance to begin afresh and anew. People are going to fail, we are going to let people down, and we are going to royally mess things up every now and then. BUT that doesn’t have to be the end of the story. The question is not if you will fall, but if you, after falling, will have the strength and courage to rise and persevere.
I am determined to become healthier both spiritually and physically; therefore, I am getting up. I admit my failure, and I want to get up tomorrow and begin again. ;) I want to be the person that God has designed me to be.
With that said, I am faced with two possible paths at this moment. I have a degree in Social Science Ed and I am a licensed teacher; however, it has been extremely difficult to find a job around here. This year with the budget cuts, it will be even more difficult to find a job. (I am not saying that it is impossible because with God all things are possible. But less likely.) I also might have the opportunity to open a business in Ellisville with two other ladies that I currently work with at the florist. This could possibly mean opening a coffee shop in Ellisville which has been a dream of mine for a while now. BUT these are two very different dreams, and I don’t want to give up on the dream of teaching, but I am beginning to question if teaching is really my calling.
I am not really sure what I want to be when I grow up.  The problem is that I am 26, and I am supposed to know these things by now. So I am praying and asking for guidance and direction, and I have to go back to scripture and believe God when He says,
“Trust in God with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all things, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths or make your paths straight.” ~ Proverbs 3:5-6
I have to believe Him because through all the things I have been through I have learned that He (Christ) is trustworthy. He does have a plan, He will provide, and His way is best. I am still working on the patience thing as that is one virtue I don’t possess at this time.