Can I just tell you that I have already failed on this challenge that I have made for myself. I have not been exercising, eating right, or working on a Bible Study consistently. I have been so focused on myself and all of the other things going on in my life. For example, I put off doing a research paper for one of my classes until the last day, but I used the excuse I needed to be working on that paper for why I didn’t have time to do Bible Study. I am almost finished with my masters in social science education, and one of the classes I was in during the winter trimester required a 20-25 page paper. I waited until Monday morning at 11 a.m. to begin working on this paper, and I turned in a ten page paper at 10 p.m. Monday evening. The paper was not really bad per say, but definitely did not meet the length requirement. I passed the class, but I have failed at being the person I so desperately want to be. I am a failure…
However, I know this is not the end of the story, because chapters in your life end and new ones begin. The loser in one scene can be the heroine in the next. This is the beauty of the life with Christ – through Him, believers can be forgiven of their shortcomings and begin again. I am really simplifying this, but every day can be a chance to begin afresh and anew. People are going to fail, we are going to let people down, and we are going to royally mess things up every now and then. BUT that doesn’t have to be the end of the story. The question is not if you will fall, but if you, after falling, will have the strength and courage to rise and persevere.
I am determined to become healthier both spiritually and physically; therefore, I am getting up. I admit my failure, and I want to get up tomorrow and begin again. ;) I want to be the person that God has designed me to be.
With that said, I am faced with two possible paths at this moment. I have a degree in Social Science Ed and I am a licensed teacher; however, it has been extremely difficult to find a job around here. This year with the budget cuts, it will be even more difficult to find a job. (I am not saying that it is impossible because with God all things are possible. But less likely.) I also might have the opportunity to open a business in Ellisville with two other ladies that I currently work with at the florist. This could possibly mean opening a coffee shop in Ellisville which has been a dream of mine for a while now. BUT these are two very different dreams, and I don’t want to give up on the dream of teaching, but I am beginning to question if teaching is really my calling.
I am not really sure what I want to be when I grow up. The problem is that I am 26, and I am supposed to know these things by now. So I am praying and asking for guidance and direction, and I have to go back to scripture and believe God when He says,
“Trust in God with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all things, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths or make your paths straight.” ~ Proverbs 3:5-6
I have to believe Him because through all the things I have been through I have learned that He (Christ) is trustworthy. He does have a plan, He will provide, and His way is best. I am still working on the patience thing as that is one virtue I don’t possess at this time.
2.26.2010
2.17.2010
ideas
I think all art captures the beauty in a moment and evokes very powerful emotions.
Music – a great song transcends the words, the notes, and the writer and takes the listener immediately to a place, a moment in time. Whether it is the memory of immense joy or immeasurable pain, the song brings back memories that are so fresh you can still smell the scent of the moment. Music can be the one thing that reminds us of hope, that the darkness is not the answer or be the one place where we find peace.
Painting and Drawing - this one is almost self-explanatory. I suppose the art is found in the person behind the brush or pencil as they are the ones that must choose the moment to capture and put onto paper or is it that the moment chooses the artist? We may never know the answer; however, there is one thing we do know – a great painting can either transport you back in time to the moment portrayed or leave you wondering what was going on behind the scenes in the picture.
Photography – this is one my personal favorites because a great photograph brings beauty to what may seem to be an everyday moment. It’s that moment when the little girl standing in the field of sunflowers peaks up over a sunflower or the moment when the groom sees his bride for the first time on their wedding day or that moment when old friends reunite after a lengthy separation. The beauty is in the moment just waiting to be captured.
Floral design – okay this may not seem like an art that captures the beauty in a moment; however, I challenge you to really think about how flowers are used to say something in many aspects of life. The wedding bouquet is one of the first things a bride thinks about – what flowers capture the essence of the bride’s personality along with her idea of what she wants her wedding to be like. Then there is the arrangement of flowers that rest on the casket of the deceased – the flowers that are the last thing a family can to do to say “I love you” and to honor the memory of their loved one.
Acting – a great actor or actress allows the audience to forget that the actor is a character and not really the person they are portraying, and a great film is one that transports you to a different world and allows you to experience emotions as though you are the one going through the events on screen.
I know there are so many other forms of art, and I in no way wish to diminish the beauty they capture. I am simply limited to my knowledge of these various art-forms, and a very smart woman once told to me to write about what you know about.
I am blessed with friends who possess an enormous amount of talent, and they inspire me to look for the beauty in all the moments, to be creative whenever possible, and to dare to express the beauty that we all possess. You see every artist and every piece of art is unique, and this is what is celebrated – the beauty in the difference.
You know I have always been the girl that sort of marched to my own drum as long as no one else knew about it. I wanted to blend in as much as possible when I was younger, but on the inside there was a rebel dying to get out. I didn’t want to be like everyone else, and I despise this idea that we all have some sort of cookie cutter mold we are to fit into. For me it is the finish college, complete the MRS. Degree, have the 2.2 children, the house, the car, and stay in the same place for the rest of my life. Not sure if you have noticed, I don’t fit that mold so well.
That is not what I want – I want an apartment downtown somewhere, single for a little while (something I have done for a while and I think I have mastered it… ), kids at some point, a business that I love and challenges me and allows creative expression, to move somewhere for a while, and a man that is not expecting me to be cookie cutter and loves me because of all my eccentricities (be warned they are numerous )!
I want to be unique.
I want to capture the beauty in a moment and evoke very powerful emotions. Be it love or hate. Just decide and stick to it.
Music – a great song transcends the words, the notes, and the writer and takes the listener immediately to a place, a moment in time. Whether it is the memory of immense joy or immeasurable pain, the song brings back memories that are so fresh you can still smell the scent of the moment. Music can be the one thing that reminds us of hope, that the darkness is not the answer or be the one place where we find peace.
Painting and Drawing - this one is almost self-explanatory. I suppose the art is found in the person behind the brush or pencil as they are the ones that must choose the moment to capture and put onto paper or is it that the moment chooses the artist? We may never know the answer; however, there is one thing we do know – a great painting can either transport you back in time to the moment portrayed or leave you wondering what was going on behind the scenes in the picture.
Photography – this is one my personal favorites because a great photograph brings beauty to what may seem to be an everyday moment. It’s that moment when the little girl standing in the field of sunflowers peaks up over a sunflower or the moment when the groom sees his bride for the first time on their wedding day or that moment when old friends reunite after a lengthy separation. The beauty is in the moment just waiting to be captured.
Floral design – okay this may not seem like an art that captures the beauty in a moment; however, I challenge you to really think about how flowers are used to say something in many aspects of life. The wedding bouquet is one of the first things a bride thinks about – what flowers capture the essence of the bride’s personality along with her idea of what she wants her wedding to be like. Then there is the arrangement of flowers that rest on the casket of the deceased – the flowers that are the last thing a family can to do to say “I love you” and to honor the memory of their loved one.
Acting – a great actor or actress allows the audience to forget that the actor is a character and not really the person they are portraying, and a great film is one that transports you to a different world and allows you to experience emotions as though you are the one going through the events on screen.
I know there are so many other forms of art, and I in no way wish to diminish the beauty they capture. I am simply limited to my knowledge of these various art-forms, and a very smart woman once told to me to write about what you know about.
I am blessed with friends who possess an enormous amount of talent, and they inspire me to look for the beauty in all the moments, to be creative whenever possible, and to dare to express the beauty that we all possess. You see every artist and every piece of art is unique, and this is what is celebrated – the beauty in the difference.
You know I have always been the girl that sort of marched to my own drum as long as no one else knew about it. I wanted to blend in as much as possible when I was younger, but on the inside there was a rebel dying to get out. I didn’t want to be like everyone else, and I despise this idea that we all have some sort of cookie cutter mold we are to fit into. For me it is the finish college, complete the MRS. Degree, have the 2.2 children, the house, the car, and stay in the same place for the rest of my life. Not sure if you have noticed, I don’t fit that mold so well.
That is not what I want – I want an apartment downtown somewhere, single for a little while (something I have done for a while and I think I have mastered it… ), kids at some point, a business that I love and challenges me and allows creative expression, to move somewhere for a while, and a man that is not expecting me to be cookie cutter and loves me because of all my eccentricities (be warned they are numerous )!
I want to be unique.
I want to capture the beauty in a moment and evoke very powerful emotions. Be it love or hate. Just decide and stick to it.
2.06.2010
walls!
Some times people put up walls, not to keep people away. But to see who cares enough to tear those walls down. Sophia Bush as Brooke Davis This quote is from One Tree Hill, and it doesn't really matter if you like the show or if you really have no idea what One Tree Hill is. Really read the quote and think about it! I think this describes me perfectly.
I have been burned pretty badly, and can I tell you that I doubt everyone including myself. For the longest time, it was so difficult to trust anyone even my best friends and family and sometimes even God. I knew that He had a plan for me, but I just didn't know if my plan and His were the same. It took me a really long time to even realize that I had been so closed off - I would not let anyone past the surface. This is still a struggle for me.
I admit it - I have walls put up around my heart, and its pretty difficult to get in, really in. However, that doesn't mean I don't want people to try. I want someone to break down those walls! I am still working on letting people in. Its scary to let people in cause they might leave and it hurts so much when that happens!
After realizing that I was doing this to God, I really have begun to try to let myself open up to Him again. Doing Bible Studies, living out God's love to people, and trying to know Him more because I know that is the only way to trust Him.
But I am trying...
I have been burned pretty badly, and can I tell you that I doubt everyone including myself. For the longest time, it was so difficult to trust anyone even my best friends and family and sometimes even God. I knew that He had a plan for me, but I just didn't know if my plan and His were the same. It took me a really long time to even realize that I had been so closed off - I would not let anyone past the surface. This is still a struggle for me.
I admit it - I have walls put up around my heart, and its pretty difficult to get in, really in. However, that doesn't mean I don't want people to try. I want someone to break down those walls! I am still working on letting people in. Its scary to let people in cause they might leave and it hurts so much when that happens!
After realizing that I was doing this to God, I really have begun to try to let myself open up to Him again. Doing Bible Studies, living out God's love to people, and trying to know Him more because I know that is the only way to trust Him.
But I am trying...
2.04.2010
so... i was thinking...
You know i went through this time where i really thought about whether or not i would be a christian if i weren't raised in the house i was. And one day while i was out side during the spring... it was a really beautiful day... And i just knew that i would know there had to be someone out there that created it. There just had to be something bigger than me out there that could create this amazing planet and our intricate bodies and the intricate systems that encompass our world.
One of my favorite things to do is to get up early and sit outside with a mug of coffee and just enjoy this painting God paints everyday! I know its not just for me, but I think a little of it is for me! I try to capture sunsets in pictures sometimes, but I don't it justice.
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