breaking the silence

Well, I am finding some answers for my questions and a few words to break the silence.

Sometimes, I need to be taken by the shoulders and shaken to bring me out of my moments of self-pity.  I mean really, I say I believe that "happiness comes from the quiet nobility of leading a good life," but do I really live that.  I must remember that everyday cannot be a mountain day - there must be valleys here and there.  I think the important thing for me is to be in pursuit of the mountain because I tend to get stuck in the monotony of the everyday.  I don't like change so it is easy for me to become bogged down, but then I recognize the bog and immediately become claustrophobic in the surroundings I found comfortable just minutes earlier. 

Some things I have learned while in the bog and while struggling to find freedom -
  • We as a culture tend to define who we are by what we do.  "Hello, I am Jane Doe, and I am a *insert current occupation.*"  Well, what happens when you cant find a job in that field or you are laid off or whatever your circumstance happens to be?  Are you no longer who you thought you were?  Because I do not get paid to teach, does that mean I am no longer a teacher?  I have come to realize that teaching is a part of who I am whether I am in classroom or not.  If you were stripped of your occupation, who would you be?
  • I do not like money.  No that is not strong enough.  I detest money.  Having money can make you prideful.  Not having money but wanting money can make you envious and covetous.  All three of those sinful attitudes I can find in myself within the same five minutes, and I loathe those feelings and attitudes.  It is too easy for money to provide a false sense of security, and all too often I find myself placing my faith in money instead of God.  And that is my greatest disappointment in myself because I know that money will fail me and still I decide to place my trust in it.
  • Life is beautiful, and family is one of God's greatest blessings.  Tonight we all went to the Mexican restaurant (what Madi calls MiCasita) because tomorrow is her birthday and it is her favorite.  She and Wyatt played and laughed the entire time while Daddy shed a tear or two because he just feels so blessed by them and Mom recounted the story of Lily (her puppy) digging up a snake in the front yard to Madi.  Madi loves stories about Lily and has a love/hate relationship with snakes - she is interested until they are real and present.  Brit and Jonathan sat close together the way they do when Jon is about to have to go back to work offshore for 3 weeks, and Daisy Claire just smiled at all of us.  Then because we all love a great bargain, including we went to Dirt Cheek (what Madi calls Dirt Cheap) where she spent her dollar and had some fun.   I would like to enter into evidence -    

Isn't she just the cutest?

So as I am regaining my wits and repairing the foundation, I can't help but feel blessed.  I must learn to not obsess or stress over money as its existence is something I cannot change.  I can only change the value I give it and my attitude about it.  I hope you are all doing great!  


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