all of a sudden, i miss everyone!

Sometimes it's easy to feel like you're the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied at barely getting by. But, that feeling is a lie and if you just hold on; just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find the way and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world. To remind us that it won’t always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you.

The past few days have just been kind of blah... lacking inspiration and purpose.  I am not sure what brings on these days or these feelings, but I am sure that I absolutely loathe these feelings.  It is days like these when I want one more hug from my Mamaw, one more chance to sit around the kitchen table and laugh with her and my mom and my sisters.  The past few days have felt like spring, and perhaps that is why these few days have been difficult.  Spring was her favorite time of year - she loved any and every flower and many of my fondest memories of my childhood feature a backdrop of a garden, a bowl of peas to be shelled, or a massive amount of flowers to be planted and creatively placed throughout the yard.  Looking back, hindsight is always 20/20, she always was doing something purposefully and creatively.  She cooked to show love and compassion through a meal.  She made quilts and pillow cases and table cloths because a girl would need those to start a home with and I suspect to leave us with a very special piece of her.  

It is easy to become wrapped up in  these feelings to the point that I feel very alone at times, but there are so many people that suffer these same feelings of grief, loss, and an inexplicable need for your life to matter because it mattered to her.  Most days I just miss her love, her light, and her warmth that, when combined, could make life make sense.  My mother gets more and more like her every day, and between the two of them, it is not long before I find my inspiration and purpose.  She and my Papaw would have been married 59 years when she passed, and my Mom and Dad will have been married 32 years this August.  The numbers alone make for a pretty incredible love story and there are fairy tale elements to both.  A love that lasts, a love that means work, a love that is the basis for a firm foundation.  I want to be like her, and I want a love like that.

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