deep breath

Okay so all that stuff in earlier posts that I have been learning - I had to put into use today.  I am realizing that perhaps discouragement is my worst struggle!  I got it before - in theory - but putting this stuff into practice is HARD!  You know those days that make you want to curse - this was one of those days!  You know the days when you want to throw all that stuff out the window?

So I did what any Beaty girl does well - I cried...

Then I realized that this was quite possibly not the right thing for me, and it was also discouragement to keep me from pursuing that which God has been stirring in my heart to do!  This type of day has been quite prevalent in my past; however, I never really knew how to deal with them.  I thought that if I loved Jesus enough and always mostly did what was expected of me things would work out.  Boy, was I wrong!!!  See God is interested in His glory and my character -- not the other way around.  His character is unchanging - a solid foundation, and His glory is what this entire thing is about.  My character could use quite a bit of work - a work which I must admit is very much still in progress!!!

So even as I write this I want to cry again simply because it is FRUSTRATING beyond belief!!!  In college, there was this cotton field (I went to school in the middle of nowhere north MS) where we could go and just scream during really tough times - like finals, a break up, a stupid professor, or the 25 page paper you waited until 2 weeks before it was due to start.  You know, life toughest moments?  Well, today I wish I had a cotton field.

But... I don't.  I live an apartment where if I really truly screamed, they might call the police!

Instead, I take that aforementioned deep breath and put it into the aforementioned perspective of this is character building.  I am told that to strengthen muscles, you must first break them down in order to stretch the muscles.  In the end, you have a stronger, more healthy person able to carry the heavy load.

So here is to bad days, lack of cotton fields, and frustrating people bent on discouraging you!!!

Bring it on - and God, "strengthen my hands!"

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