part one A

So the previous post was titled part one, and I am not currently ready to write part two so we have part one a. Recently I was looking through pictures on Facebook that I posted at least 3 to 4 years ago, and I got really nostalgic and somewhat sad. Most of the people in the pictures I do not get to see that often as we were best friends during that somewhat dramatic and always life-changing time known as college. We spent every weekend together, and most of the days in between were spent with at least one if not 20 members of the group. Now, that we have all finished college and either got married or remain blissfully single and moved off, we don't see one another that often. And of course, the inevitable has happened and we have all changed and hopefully matured past the 20 year old version of ourselves, so when we do see each other it is not quite the same. To those people, I miss you so much sometimes its hard to breathe. To those of you now in college, I pray that you will make the most of every opportunity and be open to all sorts of people and experiences that will come your way. College can be some of the best times of your life, but it is a brief, defined part of your life so be prepared for the inevitable ending when life really begins!

I suppose I should bring attention to the fact that this past Saturday I finished my educational career (so far) and graduated with a Masters of Education from William Carey University. It feels good and yet kind of weird to be finished with this step of my life. I have been in school for the better part of my entire life, and it had become my comfort zone. I am good at school, and I know I can succeed there. However, it is time to grow up and get the adult job and pay the adult bills. It is not as much fun as the movies make it seem to be, and to be honest, I am terrified by this. I have this terrible, illogical fear of failure. I think I sometimes sit on the bench because getting in the game means there is a possibility for failure. I push people away at times because letting them in means I could possibly fail, they would leave and I would be the one with the broken heart. In my head, it makes more sense just not to try because then it means I won't fail. This also means, should I continue down this path, I will never truly succeed at anything and I will never let anyone all the way in. This would be and is a very lonely and unfilled life. AND I am determined not to live like this anymore.
I will not be afraid to live! I will put myself in the game and I will let someone in. I will live a good story so that at the end of my life, I can look back with nostalgia and a little sadness knowing that I left all I had on the table and loved without looking back!
So I must say goodbye to part one of my life, but in turn I say a warm welcome to part two! I pray that Part two becomes even better than part one.

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