only hope

Have you ever heard the phrase, “my only hope is Jesus Christ,” and never really completely understood what it meant? To be perfectly honest, I think I have said this many times without fully grasping the meaning of the words or the concept that one’s only hope is Christ. I know that because we are a broken people, we must have Christ to redeem us. And in that sense He is our only hope. However, I am learning this concept first-hand through an extremely difficult journey. If you keep up with me at all, you know that I just completed a master’s degree at William Carey University, and I want to teach. Well after a few years of being told that is just not going to happen, I am at a crossroads in my life. I have no idea what I am going to do. I am unemployed, and with current economic realities being as they are, my world seems a little hopeless right now. I don’t know what else to do…


Except tie a knot in the rope that is the hope I have in Christ, and hold on! My only hope is that He will open a door. I, in my simple human sight, cannot envision even a window in which an opportunity will present itself. However, I know one thing for certain – that is Christ is my hope, my salvation, and my strength! And He has a plan. I pray that this trial will soon pass because I don’t know how much more I can take. I am so very embarrassed because I feel like I have not done something right or something is wrong with me that no one will give me a chance to teach. I see other people and the way God has blessed them, and I am so very happy for them while at the same time asking when do I just get a break. My dream is not to make tons of money – hello, I want to be a teacher. My dream is to touch some teenagers life, to let them know someone out there in that crazy world cares about them, and that the past is not something to be forgotten but is part of us and helps define us. I don’t understand why I am not teaching right now, and every rejection feels like a very personal “you’re just not good enough.” And it is killing me on the inside. It hurts. And I don’t understand it. But I MUST TRUST THAT THERE IS SOME SORT OF PLAN FOR ME! CHRIST IS MY ONLY HOPE!

teaching!

Why do you want to be a teacher? The question most often asked when people heard what my major was in college. The pay is not that great when you consider the most well-paid jobs – doctors, lawyers, and sports players – all had to have teachers to teach them how to do their jobs. Many say that having the weekends off and 2 months during the summer is what draws people to the job, but if you consider that many teachers put in 12-18 hour work days and then have duty at sporting events on the weekends for nine months straight, then the two months recovery does not seem quite enough. However, I suspect that a few teachers – those really there because they love the children – would tell you the real reason they wanted to be teachers and the reason they continue to be despite all the politics, drama, and work. It’s the reason I want to be a teacher.


The look.

The look on the face of a child when something inside clicks and they really learn something is the reason I want to teach. For so many students and even some teachers, history is just the rote memorization of names, dates, and facts of people that lived too long ago to really matter. However, it is so much more than that. Understanding that those people were just like you and me and responded exceptionally to extraordinary circumstances makes names, dates, and facts so much more rich. Understanding context can completely change the effects of data gathered, and knowing how our practices today are affected in some form or fashion by history makes it come alive for each one of us. History can be defined as the past events of a period in time or in the live or development of a people, an institution, or a place.

I believe to succeed in this world, there are two vital pieces of information that you must be absolutely sure of. Where you come from and where you are going, and you simply can’t have one without the other. You can’t know where you are going without knowing where you come from. That’s history – where you come from. Your personal history, your family history, your ancestral history, your social history, etc… Where you fit in this world – past, present, and future versions of this world. I just want to be along for the journey of students finding little pieces of their personal histories and future stories.

part one A

So the previous post was titled part one, and I am not currently ready to write part two so we have part one a. Recently I was looking through pictures on Facebook that I posted at least 3 to 4 years ago, and I got really nostalgic and somewhat sad. Most of the people in the pictures I do not get to see that often as we were best friends during that somewhat dramatic and always life-changing time known as college. We spent every weekend together, and most of the days in between were spent with at least one if not 20 members of the group. Now, that we have all finished college and either got married or remain blissfully single and moved off, we don't see one another that often. And of course, the inevitable has happened and we have all changed and hopefully matured past the 20 year old version of ourselves, so when we do see each other it is not quite the same. To those people, I miss you so much sometimes its hard to breathe. To those of you now in college, I pray that you will make the most of every opportunity and be open to all sorts of people and experiences that will come your way. College can be some of the best times of your life, but it is a brief, defined part of your life so be prepared for the inevitable ending when life really begins!

I suppose I should bring attention to the fact that this past Saturday I finished my educational career (so far) and graduated with a Masters of Education from William Carey University. It feels good and yet kind of weird to be finished with this step of my life. I have been in school for the better part of my entire life, and it had become my comfort zone. I am good at school, and I know I can succeed there. However, it is time to grow up and get the adult job and pay the adult bills. It is not as much fun as the movies make it seem to be, and to be honest, I am terrified by this. I have this terrible, illogical fear of failure. I think I sometimes sit on the bench because getting in the game means there is a possibility for failure. I push people away at times because letting them in means I could possibly fail, they would leave and I would be the one with the broken heart. In my head, it makes more sense just not to try because then it means I won't fail. This also means, should I continue down this path, I will never truly succeed at anything and I will never let anyone all the way in. This would be and is a very lonely and unfilled life. AND I am determined not to live like this anymore.
I will not be afraid to live! I will put myself in the game and I will let someone in. I will live a good story so that at the end of my life, I can look back with nostalgia and a little sadness knowing that I left all I had on the table and loved without looking back!
So I must say goodbye to part one of my life, but in turn I say a warm welcome to part two! I pray that Part two becomes even better than part one.