understanding

It seems to that recently I have been to the funeral home much more than usual which is quite a bit considering I work/live in a florist and funerals are an inevitable aspect of selling flowers.  I have been involved in the florist world for about two and half years and in doing so you become apt at distancing yourself from the painful aspects of a funeral and concentrate on producing the best arrangements you can.  However, all of this goes out the window when the call comes into the florist for someone you know and much more so when you were friends with the deceased.  I know this sounds so incredibly morbid and horribly cold, but if you dwell on where the majority of the flower arrangements go then you will become severely depressed. 

Anyways, back to the point of this blog - last week a very good friend of mine was killed in a work-related accident.  He was a year-to-the-date older than me which when he was dating my best friend in high school really irked me.  Hello, it was my birthday too!  Him, his brother Eric, me, my sisters, my best friend - Tosha, and her sisters made up much of the youth group, and in a way we became family.  Much of the time that we were not in school, we all spent together which led to just as much fighting and arguing as hugging.  So much of my high school experience is filled with memories of these people.  We were the type of friends that we could fight and argue one minute and be making up the next - but just like many other stories, time moved on, we grew up, went our seperate ways, and lost touch.   One fact that I must say I am sorry to admit because getting the phone call that he had been killed was very much like getting punched in the gut.  You always say that one day you are all going to get together again and catch up, and then something happens and getting all the group together is no longer possible. 

Its these kinds of things - when someone so young is taken from this world so unexpectedly - that I have a problem understanding and finding peace with.  I know in my head that no matter what God is good and has a plan; however, that's really difficult to come to tell my heart during these times.  It just does not make sense at all to me, and it really breaks my heart in a way that words that can't express.  Not only for that lost connection but my heart breaks for the family who are on the front line of this battle to find peace in the situation.

It is during these times that I must seek God's presence and completely rely on His strength because my own has never and will never hold up under the extreme pressure of dark days that threaten to take you under.  I find myself re-reading some of the same verses - some of which I will share with you.

"But He said to me, my grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.  Therefor, I will boast all the more gladly of weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." ~2 Corinthians 12:9-10

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  But in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." ~ Proverbs 3:5-6