Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by the rules
Of someone else’s games
Too late for second guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap.
It’s time to try defying gravity
I think I’ll try defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down…
I’m through accepting limits
Cuz’ someone says they’re so
Some things I cannot change
But til I try I’ll never know
Too long I’ve been afraid of
Losing love – I guess I have lost
It comes at much too high a cost
I’d sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye I’m defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down…
“Defying Gravity” from Wicked
Defying gravity – the concept is simple really. It is making a choice to be exactly who you are called to be and having the hypothetical balls to stick by that choice despite the world and everything in it trying to tear you apart. You see “gravity” is going through life just like everyone else does, not swimming against the stream, going with the flow, and never questioning anything. Well, that is just not me. I went through much of my early life following the leader and being the girl who was more of a wall-flower than a leader. Then something clicked inside of me, and I realized that I was never happy doing that. I was born different, I am not like everyone else, and I could never go back to following – I had to be the leader.
You see when you defy gravity, you become a leader. Everyone else is too scared to get out their comfortable box; therefore, those who do step out of the box stand out in the crowd. That’s who I am called to be – I cannot and will not live by someone else’s rules nor will I look back on the rest of my life and say I did not do everything to live out the calling placed on my life.
I was never really good with limits – my parents never told me I could not accomplish my dreams or be whatever it was I wanted to be that particular day. (As a child I was always changing my mind, and that is something I never really grew out of.) When I wanted to go to college, my parents didn’t say that we didn’t have the money for me to go to college. (We didn’t have the money) They said let’s find a way. When I came home, and told my parents I wanted to be a history teacher, my parents did not tell me that position was typically held by male coaches and that I should consider other options. They said go for it and do your best. I have to tell the truth – I didn’t always do my personal best; however, I had a goal and a dream that I was moving towards. Then life happens, reality sets in, it’s difficult to find a history teacher’s position, and I go back to comparing me and my life to everyone else’s and allowing gravity to take a hold.
Now after some intense soul-searching, I have decided to once again defy gravity. I can’t be like everyone else. I have tried – it’s exhausting, pointless, and futile. At this point in my life, I am not sure I want to be a teacher anymore. You see it seems everyone I know is a teacher, and the rebel inside of me is screaming to do something different because that’s what I do. I am in the process of determining if teaching is really my dream or if it was what “was expected of me.” Here is what I do know:
1. I love social studies – history, government, geography, economics, sociology – (okay so sociology and economics are not exactly my favorite but I admit the nerd that I am loves the others!)
2. I love to teach – the sharing of information to people and it clicking is the most amazing feeling.
3. I find myself integrating some form of social studies into my everyday life – I know I am a nerd!
4. I am very passionate about education and kids getting the best one possible and teachers having the necessary resources to provide that.
5. I hate the fact that education seems to be first on the budget cutting list and first in line when handing out extreme pressure for teachers and students and administrators.
6. The politics and bureaucracy behind the scenes kind of give me mono.
7. However the thought of possibly having the same type of impact on students that my teachers had on me makes me like a giddy teenage girl crushed out on some cute guy.
You see, I want to be there for that girl or guy who is the wall-flower and who is afraid of being different. I want to be that teacher that pulls them out of their shell, gives them the confidence to be who they are, and the tools to figure out who that is. I want to be an educator - I think....