be still

Okay so I have this recurring dream – well actually it’s more like two recurring dreams. In these dreams, I am either running from something very scary or running, trying to find someone or something that I love. The feelings are always the same when I wake up from these dreams – winded (big girls don’t run) and either relieved that it was a just a dream (the scary one) or saddened by the fact that I get almost to the person or the thing that I love and wake up. I never get to see a face in either scenario, but in both dreams I am always moving and always running and always searching. Now, I don’t know if these dreams are meant to tell me something; however, I do know that they sort of reflect my life right now… I am currently unemployed as the florist closed which is a long story that no one needs to hear, but I stay busy with my church and taking classes and spending time with my family and friends. I feel that I need to stay busy in order to feel useful and productive. With that said, the recent unemployment is driving me crazy. I don’t like the feeling of not being useful and productive. Which brings me to the real subject of today’s blog.
Psalm 46:10 states, “Cease striving (or be still) and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
I am not so good at being still, but that is what I believe is my mission right now. Can I tell you that scares me to death? I, literally, cannot afford to be still. I must have a job to pay bills and rent or Candace is going to kick me out on the street. (just kidding on the last part… I hope) I have really been praying about this and being the argumentative girl, I have been arguing with God about this. But every single time I go to Him with this concern, there are a few verses which are brought to my attention. The first is the one already mentioned. The second is a passage in Phillipians 4 where Paul says he can do all things through Christ’s strength which based on the context of the passage says that Paul can live with much or little. Also there is Paul’s faith that God will supply all of his needs. The third is Proverbs 3:5-6 which says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he shall direct your paths.” That has been one of my favorite passages for a long time as there have been many instances when God’s path has went outside my own understanding.
Let me just say that this fall there is a possibility of a teaching job, but there are months in between now and then. In the past, I would find a job just before the summer intending only to keep it until school starts; however, I would end up using the job as an excuse as to why I didn’t have time to go to the schools and aggressively pursue the teaching jobs. I don’t want to do that again, and I want to trust that God will provide. At the same time, I want to do my part, hold my own. I was taught to be fiercely independent and have been for a really long time. I like to do things for myself, and I am a big advocate for women earning their own money and not being totally dependent on their husbands. Sorry, bit of a jump to my soapbox and not relevant to me as I am single. Suffice to say that this being still thing is going to be incredibly difficult for yours truly.
BUT GOD (another one of those moments) will provide, and I am going to do my best at being still and knowing that He is God. I just want to be sure I am doing what He wants me to do. I will leave you with the first few verses in Psalm 46. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea: Though its water roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. “
Your world may be changing and waters are roaring and mountains quaking, but God is our refuge. A refuge is literally a safe place, a constant, something to hold on to. God is our strength so when you think you can’t hold on anymore, you can because it is His hand holding your up. A very present help in trouble – He is not the one standing back offering moral support, no He is there with his sleeves rolled up in the midst of the dirt, the tears, the fears, the heartbreaks, the worries, through this messed up thing called life with His arms stretched out ready to be your refuge and your strength.